Disclaimer - not able to edit spelling or grammar due to site crashes.i am fully aware of the errors. some have been changed three times, but they wont save the newer version. you can probably hear me screaming into this website from there!
This is a very late one, two things happened, 1, and I keep doing this, I get caught up in what I’m doing and forget to actually write anything about it.
And 2, the site crashed a couple of days ago, and locked me out of being able to write anything.
But it was mainly the first issue that has delayed me.
And there you have it in a nutshell, life goes on after cancer, even if that treatment/surgery floors you, even if it nigh on breaks you in that moment.
Once the active treatment phase is over, once you’re healed (be patient with yourself for this, my god it’s hard going. I would never diminish or trivialise the operation for stoma surgery. It’s really really hard).
I had an AP resection and oophorectomy, this means that the tumour was removed, a stoma was formed ~ the bowel/large intestine (it’s the same thing) ~ is rerouted through a hole punched into the abdomen wall. My anus and rectum were removed too, as they’d be surplus to requirements with a permanent colostomy, plus my ovaries were removed.
I was warned the operation would be tough to recover from…and this was the understatement of the century.
But once I turned that corner of recovery it was plain sailing for me, which isn’t the case for everyone, I totally understand that. I got very lucky.
Until I turned that corner though I kept questioning whether it can be right to feel that ill. I was in full panic mode. This surely couldn’t possibly be normal?
And it’s at this point you need to dig deep and find the patience to recover well. You can’t rush it, your body will let you know.
I kept trying to get on and be normal (not that I have ever been, but you know what I mean), and tried to carry on as before, only to find it wiped me out, sometimes for days after, and it’s that bit I found hard.
I only know I’ve overdone it after it’s overdone, I doubt I’m alone in this too.
So my best advice is; take it easy, even though it’s boring AF, even though it’s soul destroying to feel so feeble - take your time.
Because my approach of 3 steps forward, six steps back is even worse than a linear recovery I’d imagine. It’s so frustrating.
I wish anyone who is in the treatment phase for bowel cancer, or any surgery for anything, the very best ~ chin up, keep calm and chill the **** out, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are not weak and feeble - or rather you won’t be forever, it’s just the process of healing, that all of us would feel.
I appreciate it’s boring, frustrating and scary, believe me, the version of me you see prancing around the world, giddy with excitement, was born out of the enfeebled little husk of a woman.
(A little tome to show how broken I was. Chris had got a man in to chop some of the trees in the garden down for a few days.
I would hobble out into the garden, for my daily exercise, this was quite soon after surgery. I felt it was very important to try and keep active and mobile so as not to cause any further problems, but it would wipe me out trying.
Anyway, my mum had come to stay to look after Chris and the boys for a few weeks after my surgery, so at least I could rest easy knowing they were taken care of.
My mum went out to hang the washing out one day, and the gardener said to my mum “how’s your mum doing today?”
My mum looked at him startled and somewhat confused and said “my mum!?”
The man nodded towards the house. And it dawned on her that he had thought I was a little old lady, I suppose from a distance I was all hunched over and hobbling around, I must have looked like a nonagenarian.
Now my mum is 25 years older than me, and I imagine her mum was at least 25 years older than her. So basically the surgery aged me by 50 years. Thankfully time is literally a great healer).
Once I was fit enough to be back out and playing again I grasped it with both hands, and feet too!
It’s why I refuse to sit life out now.
“You’ve booked me a flight? Smashing I’ll grab my bag, it’s already packed just in case!”
…”where are we going?” Is an afterthought, because the truth is I’d go anywhere in the world. I might not like it once I get there, I might not ever go again. But I will happily give anywhere a go.
I love adventures, because I know how much I missed out on when I was ill, before diagnosis, and then while recovering from the illness, and I never want to feel like I’m missing out ever again.
So what are the latest adventures have I been on (fabulous segue, utterly smooth)…
Well, I went looking for a dress in Harrods to no avail a few weeks back. The particular brand I was after doesn’t make a size that fits me. The Large is too big, the Medium is too small. It was incredibly disappointing.
Anyway, I was clearing my wardrobe out for another Vinted cull when I happened across two black dresses that I haven’t seen for ages because I had grown out of them during the pandemic and beyond, but having recently lost the pandemic pounds, so I thought I’d give them a try.
Well! They are a delight! And free!! (I appreciate they are only a sort of free, because they cost hundreds of pounds to buy originally, but they are now free because they are bought and paid for).
Ignore the state of my face, that is what I actually look like, I have rosacea (a little long lasting memento from chemo).
Both dresses are from Belstaff, about a hundred years ago. But still very wearable and classic.
I really can’t wait to wear them again, mainly because I want to wear my new red shoes, which was why I was on the hunt for a black dress to start with.
It’s been a busy few weeks, busy with fun, which is the best busy there is.
We were invited to a friend’s surprise birthday party. I have always said that I am very lucky, I am, no doubt about it, but I often consider myself very lucky because of Chris, and more specifically, his job.
I have met many wonderful people through it, and some of those people have been kind enough to keep me on as a friend, even past the point of having to.
:)
And Louise and Andy fall into that category. Work colleagues of Chris, who are now firm friends.
So off we go to Warwickshire, which turns out is very far, very quaint and very picturesque, for Andy’s 50th.
I chose this dress because it was a sunny enough day, and because I wanted to squeeze the last pips of summer out.
I was right to as it turns out, we are fully ensconced in autumn now, which I don’t mind because I’ve been building a fabulous season change-over wardrobe (you expected anything different, right??).
Dress from Me & Em, Shoes from Dior, Bag from Goyard. I took a pashmina with me too, just in case.
We had a lovely time at the party, we caught up with some of the guests we’d not seen in a while, and met new people who I’d never met, but who have been reading my blogs for some time!
It’s always something of a surprise to me that anyone reads this, I know people do read it, I see the metrics every week. But numbers on a screen don’t equate to actual real living people in my head. I see a number and that’s it. It’s just a number.
But attached to the end of that number is a person who chose to come and read my ramblings. So hello!! Thank you for stopping by! It means a lot. 🙏🏼
And a very special hello and thank you to Carol and Alan! xx
I completely forgot to take any photos while we were there, mainly because I got wrapped up in chatting.
A fabulous time was had by all, Louise, put on a great show! 👏🏼
Thank you for inviting us, and again a very happy birthday Andy!
The following day was also a bit of a whirlwind, we were meeting up with Sam, Milly and Zak, for a Sunday lunch, but prior to that I wanted to get over to Bicester Village to try on some jeans that were newly released from Holland Cooper. I’d seen Jade Holland Cooper modelling them over the last few weeks, and thought I’d give them a try.
Well, let me tell you something, there was no one more deluded than me for those weeks building up to trying them on.
I really thought they would look a treat. Jade looked amazing in them, now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect to look like her, but I didn’t also expect to look how I did in them!
They were without a doubt the worst article of clothing I’ve ever seen on me!
Jade looked sensational in them, I looked insane…and not in the good way.
When I saw myself in the mirror I gasped, actually gasped out loud! …Again, not in the good way.
We’d got up early to get to Bicester, solely to try this specific pair of jeans, only for it to be a complete and utter fail.
Some you win, some you lose.
Anyway, we had a little look at the other shops, Chris bought me a gorgeous blouse From Sandro, and then we headed off to meet up with Sam and all for a pre going back to school Sunday lunch.
Zak started back in year 1.
Where the years have gone I do not know.
Top from French Connection, Jeans from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Jimmy Choo.
I’m sticking with my healthy eating and lifestyle. As is Chris actually, but he seems to be far better at it as he’s lost far more weight than I have.
Anyway, I went with the fruit plate, and Chris ordered smoked salmon and scrambled eggs on sourdough, plus he made a perfectly normal request for some avocado to go with it…
I have to ask…does this look like a normal portion of avocado on the side to you?
Kim and I had a breakfast a few months back and they had smoothed the thinnest smear of avocado over the toast, like it was a thin layer of butter, which I felt aggrieved about.
But this took the piss even more! It’s not like it was free. The cost of this side, which could have fed a small army was extortionate. I wanted to ask them to doggy bag it as I didn’t feel like we should waste it for the price of it!
I am very wasteful with money, but apparently I found my limit in avocados.
The inspiration for the outfit above came from an ad I’d seen for some Dior shoes.
I instantly thought of the pair of Jimmy Choo shoes Chris had bought me about 15 years ago, which are incredibly similar to these Dior ones, that I have very rarely worn, as I don’t have a job, or anywhere formal to wear them…see what I mean about wasteful when I want to be.
But seeing them paired with a straight leg casual jean, I thought I could build something similar.
Which is why I wanted the Holland Cooper Straight Leg jeans to start with.
It worked just as well with these jeans, that I already owned. Plus I have solved my straight leg jeans problem by buying some from good old M&S, and saved a hundred quid in doing so.
Of course I’ve save a fortune on the shoes too, because mine are from my stock room, bought and paid for many years ago. The Dior ones are a bit pricey, but beautiful.
*If you are tall and very slim, the Holland Cooper jeans are perfect for you, if you are not, Marks and Spencer have got you, you’re going to be okay hahahah.
The day was made all the better by seeing this glorious boy before he started back to school.
He’s such a darling, he was exhausted from having been line dancing late into the night, and then to a friend’s birthday party, but he was such a delight to be with. He’s now fully settled back into school, and loves it.
Then we come to a weekend I was really looking forward to. We booked to go back to Soho Farmhouse.
Chris got membership a while back, all part of the ‘he makes my dreams come true vibe’.
We went for one night back in February for our anniversary to try it out, not knowing if we’d like it or not. But we really enjoyed it, so we booked to go back again for a few days.
People often ask what it’s like, and it’s sort of tricky to explain, but a posh Centerparcs probably covers it, sort of.
There’s clay pigeon shooting, and crazy golf, and a little farm, a spa, indoor and outdoor swimming pool, a gym, 5 restaurants and of course the bikes!
That’s the image most people have if they have heard of Soho Farmhouse at all.
Top from Hollister, Jeans from Topshop, Shoes from Ugg.
Transport around the farm is by milk float. Which is adorable.
And accommodation is rusticana style, Little House on the Prairie vibes for the most part, and totally adorable.
And then you have the accommodation, we stay in - we choose Piglets, which are the cheapest available.
Chris asked if I wanted to upgrade to something else this trip, but in all honesty, the Piglets are perfect.
Small but perfectly formed. Really cute, really cosy.
What to wear at the Farm?
Well, casual, really casual. But that said, I had a few outfits I hadn’t gotten round to wearing yet, so I thought **** it, and wore them anyway, even if they are too dressy for the venue.
Set your own dress code…on the understanding that here you will look out of place in high heels and dolled up dresses.
Photographs in communal spaces is forbidden 🚫, so if you do take any be sure there is no one else in the background.
Not that many slebs still frequent the place, but they are hot on privacy. So make sure not to invade anyone else’s.
It’s a farm, not a real one of course, but the vibe is country casual farm, for London toffs who want a slice of The Cotswolds life.
Chris and I don’t fall into any of those categories, but we enjoy it even so.
Breakfast in bed is a must for us, well, me mainly.
I hate having to get ready to go to breakfast in hotels. If they have it available I will always order room service brekkie.
Mainly because I don’t want to get washed and bag changed, only for it to fill up during breakfast, and then have to change it again when I get back to the room.
Breakfast in bed solves that issue.
I bought a new PE kit for September, I’m going to be starting a new yoga class soon, so I wanted a new shiny outfit for that.
Yoga wear from Tesco, shoes from Nike.
Oh we’re very fit and healthy at the farm! Hahaha.
Once our walk was over, it was back for a shower and bag change and ready for the day ahead. A day of doing nothing, but eating and reading.
Heaven.
Jumper from M&S (their cashmere is consistently good quality), Jeans from M&S too, Shoes from Ugg.
The last time I wore these jeans a bird shit on them, and this time I wore these jeans a bird shit on them, and I can’t work out if it’s just that I’m super lucky, or that the vast expanse of material makes them a bigger target?
It’s rained both times we’ve been here. So my feeling is the Cotswolds are prone to rain, and for that reason I’m out. :)
It’s still enjoyable even in the rain.
Chris and I are not about the outdoors. He’s got hayfever and neither of us are comfortable hiking.
We come to Soho Farmhouse and that’s where we stay, within the walls of the 100 acre plot. We have no desire to explore the wider area. Although we have driven through many beautiful villages along the way.
Over dressed again, but so what? Nothing happens if you’re overdressed, no one actually cares about anything we as individuals do, and more fool them if they do!
Top from Sandro, Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Dior.
I loved designing this compilation. So I wore it with pride. Clothes were invented to keep us warm, but now we can use them to make us feel good too.
Have some fun with them, try now things.
Loving country living. (This is a lie, Chris and I are not made for the outdoors, we love long romantic walks to Harrods and restaurants). 😂
Where do I get my style inspiration?
….hard to say really…
But imagine this wearing jeans and I think we have a winner!
The following day, it was back out early again for a walk and another bike ride. Mainly because Chris isn’t into either of those things outside of the confines of this world, so I made the most of it while we were here.
Then back to our Piglet to get ready for the day.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from M&S, shoes from Louis Vuitton
And then back on the milk float back to our car and reality…boooooo hissssss!
I said to Chris whilst we’re in the area we could push on to Wales to that gorgeous waterfall Sam, Milly and Zak went to a couple of weeks ago, when they camped in Wales.
And Chris said “yeah, why not” and booked a hotel near the waterfall.
Well, my sense of direction and gist of “while we’re in the area” is somewhat off. Because it was actually a three hour drive to the waterfall from Soho Farmhouse.
But oh my god was it worth it!!
It’s not just any old waterfall, it’s an interactive one! You can walk behind the water. And this idea fascinated me because I had no clue that that was even possible in the UK.
It’s not the most impressive water fall I’ve ever seen (that one was in Iceland), but it’s definitely the best one I’ve been to here!
Chris had the genius idea of heading straight to the waterfall after we’d checked into the hotel, rather than wait till the morning to go as we had planned.
I don’t know how he knew it would be better, but I’m so glad he suggested it.
The light levels were perfect. The conditions were perfect (it was gloomy and raining the following day).
Anyway, we get out of the car at the car park for the falls, we head off in the direction we assume the falls is in.
Some people were heading towards us, so I asked if the waterfall was this way and they confirmed that it was, I also asked if you can walk behind it and they looked totally confused and said “no, why would you think you could?!”
At which point, my heart sank, what the actual **** was going on!??
Sam and Milly had photos, showing them behind the water. Were we at the wrong falls??
Anyway, undeterred but unsettled we carried on. Oh and the man also commented on our wholly inappropriate and unsuitable footwear. Rude! Hahahah.
Down and down I skipped, hoping against hope that they didn’t know what they were talking about.
We then bumped into a group of four more ~ official hikers (my term for anyone in a hiking boot…probably likely carrying Kendal Mint Cake). I again asked them if it was possible to walk behind the falls (I was fixated by this point) to which they all confirmed that you could not walk behind it, and that the path had been washed away!!
Whaaaaaaaaaat?!? I’d skipped so merrily down the hill path at this point. So fast in fact that Chris later sardonically commented that he’d ‘never felt lonelier’ as I left him for dust in my wake!! Hahahahaha. He’s such a slow coach, delicately tippy toeing down the path, trying not to fall to his death, in his incredibly slippy road running shoes, while I, in my almost as slippery running shoes managed to proceed at speed. Determination is key!
Anyway, we pushed on despite the disappointment…to find someone standing behind the waterfall!!!!! Ffs!!!!
So once she made her way back to where we were standing, I asked her if it safe to go back there, and she explained it was perfectly fine, and in fact she was a bit wobbly on her pins but she managed it no problem at all!
So we did too! And we had the entire place to ourselves at this point because we had come at early evening, rather than the day time like normal people.
News flash! Waterfalls are wet! 😂
We got drenched but oh my goodness it was so worth it.
There is an energy to a waterfall, more than just the flow of the water, there’s a mystical force that reenergises you.
The power of the water, the feeling of the wind coming off the torrent, the water itself, it feels incredible!!
I can’t explain it, but I highly suggest you go and feel it.
It would be an amazing place for yoga if it wasn’t so wet and slippery.
…Well this woman is a world away from the fragile broken little creature, who was mistaken for her mother’s mother!
Recovering from an illness is a slow process, but once I was back, I found I came back stronger, with more vigour, with more determination, because I know how quickly it can all change. It can be taken away in a heart beat.
So I make the most of the good times while I can. I hope my luck doesn’t run out for a good hundred years or so yet, but until then, I’m playing out at any and all opportunities.
Dancing in waterfalls along the way…
It’s a bit of luck Chris suggested the waterfall visit when he did. Because we had planned on going in the morning once we’d checked out of the hotel, and then straight home after.
Which would have been awful actually, because we were soaked through enough just from the spray of the fall itself, plus it was raining the next day anyway, so we would have been drenched right through.
At least we were able to go back to the hotel, get washed and changed, and have a hot meal.
…oh and to top it off, Chris booked a hotel a mile or so up the road from the falls…which has a mini zoo attached!!
It was hilarious and fabulous!
Meerkats, wallabies, peacocks and other assorted exotic birds and wildlife.
What more could you ask for? Hahahah.
We had breakfast, which the owner surprisingly referred to as a ‘full English’, apparently a ‘full Welsh’ breakfast would have larva bread and cockles on it.
And then we headed back home. It felt like we’d been away weeks. It’s amazing how a break away can’t distort time.
Let’s do more of that! :)
Jumper from N.Peal, trousers from Ralph Lauren, jeans from M&S, Shoes from Ugg.
Chris booked something a bit different for us this week, a bit high brow for us, but we thought it was worth a try.
We’ve never been to a lecture before. Shocking as this may be but I’m not an academic…I know, big shock right? ;)
So off we go to Bury St Edmunds, I dressed for a lecture on ancient trade routes of India…wasn’t quite sure how to actually dress for it, but my guess was most people there weren’t likely to be clothing style oriented.
So I just settled on smart casual, comfortable to sit in.
I was a bit nervous of how the lecture would go, especially as we were so close up and personal. Would I be able to understand what was going on? Did I have enough focus to not fidget in the eye line of this esteemed historical author? Would I accidentally yawn or would my stoma make a noise?
I needn’t have worried though. The talk about his latest book was absolutely fascinating! India is my favourite place to be, and as it turns out, my favourite topic to listen to (this being the first and only lecture I’ve ever been to).
I managed to sit still, I also managed to do a few deep thinking faces, I mean, we were right in his eye line, I want the man to think I’m listening, and the best way to do that I find it with a studious face, and an occasional head nod of approval and agreement.
It was really good, and more than anything it felt nice to be doing something so completely different.
We met the author afterwards and got our copy signed. So all in all a great night out,
We got home very late for a school night, then I was up early for my shift at the food bank.
Top and trousers from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Chanel, Bag from Tod’s.
I arrive to find that Chris had booked front row seats, so close, so intense, actual spitting distance of the lectern, literally couldn’t have got closer without sitting on the authors lap!
Food bank shift complete, it was then back home to get changed, and head off to London for something so ridiculously different that it still makes me chuckle to think about it.
I was invited to the Czech Republic Embassy in London for an event hosted by their ambassador…yes, little ol’ me!
…and, yes, if I’d have thought that the Czech nation would have had the same advert back in the 90s that we did, I would indeed have taken a box of Ferraro Rocher with me to give to the host.
(Most Brits will remember the Ferrero Rocher ad from back in 1993 apologies for non-UK readers ~ there are many videos on YouTube to view it).
It was a terribly cringy advert. Poorly conceived and poorly executed.
It saw Forreo Rocher being seen as the height of “sophistication and good taste”.
In the advert one of the guests thanks the Ambassador saying “Monsieur, with these Rocher you are really spoiling us”
And in every house hold across our great land, as soon as a box inevitably appears at Christmas, that’s all we’d ever say to each other. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten one without saying it to be honest, but then I haven’t eaten chocolate in 30 years, and we haven’t bought Ferrero chocolate in a very long time).
But as I felt it was unlikely to have been seen in what was a country emerging from communist rule I didn’t take any along.
Anyway, you may wonder what on earth I was doing at Czech embassy to start with, or any embassy come to that.
Well, I was invited by the owner of a Czech company.
You know my table scaping obsession? You know most of my scapes will have a particular style jug, and glasses involved?
Well those Jugs are made by an artisan Czech glassware maker ~ Klimchi Studio. And as a great admirer and collector of them, the owner showed his appreciation of my collection, and invited me along.
I mean how nice is that!!
Now these jugs are spectacular, all the glassware Klimchi make is too. And no, I’m not paid to say this, it’s just me, a private citizen who has no affiliation to the company, just a passion for their products.
(That said, if they happen to read this, and they ever open a store in London I’d very much like to be considered for a job please! 🙏🏼).
Chris was’’t able to come along. So it was just me. I’m not very good at being just me, especially in new and unusual circumstances.
I was overthinking about all the things that could go wrong. And definitely overthinking what I’d say wrong.
I think it actually went okay, but even now, days later I keep running through my head what I said, how I said it, how would it be received. God it’s fun in my mind.
I met the owner of Klimchi, I nearly curtsied, to me meeting incredibly talented people is better than anyone just born into a particular bloodline.
Talent is king.
He is lovely, absolutely lovely, his girlfriend was with him, and she too is utterly lovely. It was an honour to meet them.
It occurred to me as I stood chatting to these incredibly talented, ambitious people they were young enough to be my children. I felt very maternal towards them both. I was so happy and grateful to have been invited along.
I attended the panel discussion, where they were discussing Czech craftsmanship and artisan design. Which was very interesting.
I know, two nights in a row of thinky stuff, who am I even!!?
It was a fantastic night already, but as I was leaving and saying my goodbyes, Lukas, the owner of Klimchi said he had a gift for me.
He handed me a box, and inside it were two of the hobnail glasses that I adore!
I’d already had a wonderful evening, but to be gifted these was so special. After all I’ve spent way more money with many and various companies over the years, but they wouldn’t even know I exist. It feels very special that I have been thanked for my appreciation of their company.
But I’m just glad they created something that means so much to me. My jugs always get compliments (stop with the childish sniggering! You know full well I mean my glassware).
I feel no table is complete without one. I use them daily. I see them daily too as they are displayed in all their glory in my kitchen.
I highly recommend them (again, not paid to say so, I just simply love them). They make wonderful gifts, I’ve received a few in my time, and I now recognise the size and shape of the box before I even get close to unwrapping it. Which always gives me a little thrill.
If you are wondering what it takes to break me these days, well it's specifically; two late nights and a shift at the food bank.
I had a great time, but I felt like a zombie by Thursday. Hahah
I hope this blog actually manages to publish, it's taken every bit of patience that I have, which wasn't that much to start with admittedly. It's crashed at least 5 times, taking with it vast amounts of my work with it, never to be seen again. And certainly never to be remembered by me to be able to redo it.
