So after lasts week’s blog publishing dramas I’m hoping this week runs smoothly, fingers crossed…
So here goes it…
Firstly I’d want to thank the people who sent me messages, thank you so much for your kind words and support. I was blown away, it means so much to me to hear that I have helped people. Xx
I’ve managed to reply to them all except the one on my blog itself. I’m so sorry, but the app won’t let me into that particular page. But thank you for your message Sarah. It was gratefully received, even if I can’t respond.
The reason I write my blog, the main purpose was to give a little bit of comfort and encouragement to anyone facing the same situation I found myself in 14 years ago.
Back then I didn’t know anyone who had a stoma. I didn’t really know anything about them at all. And I was terrified, traumatised, and despondent about what life would look like post surgery.
Nowadays there are hundreds of incredible influencers on social media showing what life can be like with a bag attached. Which is fabulous! How reassured I would have felt back then if I had known about them.
But I didn’t have a clue that they were there, although I really wish I had. Because my route into stoma life would have been different, for one thing I would have seen people living ordinary happy lives, wearing gorgeous clothes of their choice, holidaying, bikiniing and generally enjoying themselves.
Basically, there would have been comfort in seeing people living normal lives. Even if those lives look different to mine.
I am incredibly lucky, because although I went into the surgery sobbing my heart out - when I came round after the operation my brain did a complete and utter switch - This came as much as a surprise to my medical team and family as it did me.
I just remember coming round and feeling safe, comforted, at peace. So much so I had to check if I hadn’t in fact died, that’s how calm and blissful I felt.
Maybe it was the copious amounts of drugs, maybe it was a guardian angel (my preferred belief, because it’s a nicer thought than medicated serenity). I felt utterly safe and utterly capable of doing it! Of getting on with life and making the most of every moment.
I remember I looked down at the clear bag on my abdomen and thinking “oh, I see, is that it?!?! I can do this!!”
It felt very strange to go from such intense horror, to beyond calm in a matter of hours (all of which were spent unconscious). What had I unlocked in my mind in that time I will never know, but I am grateful.
I live my life because of my stoma ~ without it, my long term survival would have been unlikely and precarious.
So I feel very fortunate that it did the job that it was meant to. It successfully kept me alive long term!
I don’t have any negative feelings towards it. My brain re-centred and instantly accepted my new normal. Which is fairly unusual, but most welcome.
That’s my view point: One of gratitude and thankfulness.
So you might find it hard to reconcile that with what I’m about to say;
On Friday last week I saw a post from a bowel surgeon in America who I follow on instagram (Dr Z).
Anyway, he shared a post about a new form of treatment for colorectal cancers. I’m not sure if it’s possible to have it yet, or if it’s still in the trial phase. But basically, the patient would still have the chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but they’ve added in an immunotherapy I think it was, and that additional treatment is saving people from having to have stoma surgery in some cases.
I gasped when I heard him say that. Now I am a very contented ostomate. Happy as Larry.
But the thought that in future (I’m not sure how far off it is yet), that some people would be able to remain whole.
I was so happy and excited for future generations, but it was tinged with sadness for myself. As selfish as that may sound.
I am very happy for future people to be saved from the surgery that I had, but I wish it had come sooner so I could have benefited.
Now it won’t be suitable for every bowel cancer patient. Nothing is ever that universal to start with. But with time comes tweaks and improvements, so that one day maybe, a hundred percent of cases will be able to be treated with it.
Yes I love my life with my colostomy, nothing changes that. But of course my preference would have been to not need it, despite it not hindering my life. Two things can be true at once.
I gave myself permission to be sad about my own experience needing the stoma.
Nothing changes for me with the advent of this new technology and method. I am where I am.
But, I am so incredibly happy and hopeful for future patients.
One day they’ll find the cure for all cancers. I hope that it comes very soon.
Like I said I live a very happy life doing anything and everything I want. I am incredibly lucky, and very grateful that I feel lucky. Sometimes we miss the luck that comes our way because we get caught up in the noise of the world.
I’m a huge believer in feeling and noticing gratitude, and appreciating my life.
I love the big things, the high highs, and I love the little moments too.
One of my favourite things is to go for fish and chips in the car at the beach.
(I appreciate that fish and chips seems elitist in this day and age as it’s hugely expensive). But I’d enjoy just the beach walk just as much.
My order from the chip shop is 2 large cod, and 2 mushy peas. I take all the batter off the fish. And the peas have fibre, so it’s actually pretty good for you.
I also take my own cutlery with us because I can’t cope with the wooden sporks you get in the chippy.
Lounge suit from M&S outlet, Shoes from Ugg.
This is the second pair of these shoes I’ve bought. They are on the pricy side but they are slip on. Which means that I don’t need to bend over to put them on. I am averse to bending because it can put air out of my bag with force, which renders the filter useless. So I prefer a slip on, so I reduce down that possibility.
Anywhere with him is my favourite place to be.
We had a lovely lunch, a bracing walk, and then headed back home for a movie night.
We binge watched The Perfect Couple, which was utterly dull until the final instalment, so dull in fact that I nearly gave up on it. But the final episode was full of drama and wit, and seemed like someone else had written it, compared to the very nothingy preceding episodes.
It was the perfect day.
Then Sunday I said farewell to Chris and headed to the airport to go to our house in the sun.
Chris had a very busy week at work ahead, I wouldn’t have seen him much, so I have discovered I like being in the sunshine on those occasions.
Off I went, sailing through the airport, not even setting off the scanning machine - this is a first!
I headed to the lounge, where I waited for hours because Ryanair sent a text the previous night saying they advised customers to get to the airport three hours before the departure time. So I did. And it took a total of 7 minutes from getting out of the car, through security and into the lounge.
I settled in and watched season three of Emily in Paris, before I could start season four as I had planned. Completed it mate! Both series, in about 2 days. Binge watching just hit a new world record. Hahah.
The flight was called, I headed to the gate, I lined up with everyone else. And then I suddenly felt something didn’t seem right.
My fellow passengers didn’t look the way I had expected them to. This time of year, outside school holidays the plane tends to resemble a scene from the film Cocoon.
But this was mostly younger people. So I turned to the man next to me and ask if it was the “Murcia flight?”. To which he just stared at me blankly.
So I turned to the man behind me and asked him the same question. And he said “No! This is the Poznan flight!!”
Shit! I’m now in the queue for a flight to Poland!!
I quickly pushed my way back out of this queue. And took myself to the gate next door, the one that actually goes to Murcia! Numbers was never my strong suit! Hahahah
Flight caught - and it left on time, and arrived in Spain earlier than expected, if you fly as much as I do - you’d know Ryanair isn’t always as bad as people say it is.
How often do I fly? Between 2 and 4 times a month. So you see what I mean about my stoma hasn’t stopped my life? If anything it’s enabled it!
Prior to my eventual diagnosis (after being misdiagnosed for many many years) I hadn’t flown for 8 years. I was too fearful of midair accidents…and I don’t mean plane crashes, although that was part of it.
My bag has made it possible for me to feel confident to fly!
Have bag - will travel!
It’s in moments like this that I do not envy those who still have bumholes. ;)
I don’t miss the dread and fear of flying with unpredictable bowels.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from M&S, Shoes from Hermes
She’s all very clever until she tries to board the wrong plane! Hahaha.
I enjoy my own company, so I like coming out here by myself.
It’s very freeing and refreshing to not have to think about anyone else (oh come on, this is not a big surprise that I’m selfish surely??! Hahaha).
I love looking after Chris and our home, but sometimes it’s nice not to have to think about what to feed anyone but yourself.
I’ve spent 31 years deciding what to cook for everyone, to keep them all happy (impossible by the way, don’t even bother trying), it feels wonderful to think I’ll have this or that to eat…and not hear the groans of “again!?” Hahahah
Salads are my go to here. No cooking, easy to prepare, very tasty, and full of the holy grail - fibre!
I was gifted these beautiful Klimchi Studio glasses last week, by the owner of Klimchi, Lukas.
Weirdly I was going to buy these exact colour ones to bring to Spain, to go with my jug, and some bowls I bought at the Portuguese embassy’s open day craft market, in Seville a few months ago.
Yes! You can take glassware through an airport in your hand luggage. Which seems odd to me, but I’m very happy that you can.
They are perfect, and beautiful, and arrived here in one piece. 🩵
Bikini from Hunza G from their Coverage range. I would recommend the Coverage ones, if you like to be a bit more covered and comfortable.
I posted this photo on my Stories, I tagged Hunza G, for no other reason than to show anyone interested on my insta where I had bought it from.
To my surprise Hunza G reposted it on their Stories!
Why was I surprised? Well, I am not their usual demographic, mostly it’s beautiful, young, lithe creatures. Which I most definitely am not.
I thanked them for sharing it, and they responded with a very complimentary message. Which was so kind of them.
I am a realist. I know what I look like.
I’m very comfortable and confident in my skin, but I am aware I’ve not got the best body in the world, and that’s okay, because why on earth would I need it to be. That said, I am very happy with it, and I still found it very kind of them to share my post, because although I’m happy with myself, I appreciate I’m not their usual target type.
I took myself off for a trip to the beach, mainly because I wanted ice cream from my favourite place.
Nectar of the Gods
Heaven on earth
Bikini from Hunza G
Beach suit from Costco! Yep! Costco couture at its finest!
I got to the beach quite early. I can’t be out there too long. I’ve just had a load of minor skin cancers cut out, so I don’t want to risk anything else.
I wear factor 50. And cover up if I’m outside for a while. But I allowed myself a bit of time relaxing in the sun, on the beach. Who doesn’t want to listen to waves crashing onto the sand beside them.
Yes I have my bag on show, yes, I do get people looking curiously at me.
It’s never out of malice, only curiosity. I can’t lie, I’d be the same myself.
It doesn’t bother me at all, and in fact, I feel like I’m educating the world, one bag glimpse at a time.
Some people don’t know what a stoma is, or what a stoma bag looks like…well those people on the beach are a step closer to finding out. A quick glance, a brief google search, and they are now fully informed. :)
I had a lovely time down there. Chris hates sand with a passion, so I thought I’d get my beach days out the way before he arrives.
I got home, washed the sand off, hoovered throughout to vanish any chance of cross contamination.
Then settled down to more salads and fruit. It’s the perfect holiday.
I’m very lazy in so much as I will batch cook salmon, and eat some hot at that time, then refrigerate the rest for serving cold on more salads.
Makes life super easy. And I’m all for that. :)
As much as I was enjoying my alone time here, when a local friend suggested we meet for lunch I jumped at the chance.
I’m self contained, but very happy to socialise, especially after 3 days alone. Maybe 3 days is my limit. You have to feel for Chris because he’s had 31 years of me.
Dress from M&S.
Mel always comes up with absolutely fabulous ideas to take us. And this time was no exception.
She turned right, onto a road I’d passed a thousand times, but never ventured down. Well, it turns out there a little Marina with some fab little restaurants. She chose the best one, with an incredible view out to sea.
Thank you so much Mel, for the company, and for the restaurant tip, and photos! Very much appreciated xx
It was actually glorious sunshine and warm, don’t let what looks like a storm fool you. I don’t think that one hit inland.
I love coming here, I love it on my own, in company or with just me and Chris.
It’s a little hideaway.
It’s a very quiet area, very rural, it’s surrounded by agricultural based industry.
It’s the tomato and salad growing region of Spain.
And I appreciate it was our choice to buy here, so it’s ridiculous to complain, but the one thing it lacks is somewhere fancy to get dolled up for dinner.
It has nice enough restaurants, but not really nice places for a fancy meal out.
Getting dressed up is definitely not required.
Dress from M&S.
I spent Thursday excitedly awaiting Chris’s arrival. Four nights on my own was more than enough.
I tidied up the house, I put my bikini on, and then watched another storm pass through, with torrential rains.
So I may have bikinied a bit too prematurely on this occasion.
I then got ready to go to the airport to pick him up.
I’m not a confident driver, yes, even though I’m prepared to drive in Spain. So that may seem weird.
But actually the area we have our little holiday home is so quiet. I hardly see another car on the road for most of the airport journey.
Even so I did get a nasty bout of acid reflux, which is new! Must be a stress reaction, just another thing to add to the list of ills and complaints.
It was confirmed at a hospital appointment last week that I have the beginnings of glaucoma. Which by the way I refuse to believe. Firstly I don’t know what it is, and secondly it doesn’t sound like something I’d fancy thanks very much, so it’s a no from me! Hahaha
Airport ready…
Top from Tory Burch, Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Longchamp.
The weather had been fabulous, but a rainy front moved in, so it was very handy and fortunate that I brought jeans with me.
Then my gorgeous, wonderful, incredible husband…and blog photographer arrived!!
Thank the lord!! 🥰
Normal service can resume!
We had a nice meal, a nice evening stroll, and a very nice ice cream ~ be rude not to!
We were so happy to see each other. He’d had a big week at work and flew here straight from a board meeting. I had only seen one other in the flesh person, one afternoon for lunch, so I was very excited to see him.
We were standing waiting to use the cash machine, and we had a kiss, when a very booming, broad Scottish accented man said;
“We’ll have no more of that!!!”
😂😂😂
We were giggling like school children.
He is my favourite thing, but ice cream is a close second. :)
This ice cream shop gives me life!
Like I said, there is nowhere fancy to dress up for here, but that doesn’t mean I can’t.
Rule of thumb, set your own dress code, but be prepared to wear it with pride and confidence.
There’s no point in getting dolled up if you will feel uncomfortable and self conscious.
I bought this dress way back in early summer, the weather was rubbish in England this year, so I had no occasion to wear it.
I brought it with me to Spain, in the hope of finally letting it fulfil its destiny.
Did I think I’d be overdressed for the local marina/port…
Chris and I were strolling along the water’s edge, when I noticed a man clearly startled to see someone dressed so nicely, because he said something to his wife while they were dining, and she full body turned round to stare at us.
I think he must have forgotten to say the “don’t make it obvious” bit…before the “look at that lady all dolled up” bit.
Because it was very obvious. I smiled at them, and they shyly for being caught staring, smiled back.
And that’s it isn’t it, nothing happened, no terrible scene ensued.
That’s how I feel about dressing, and that’s how I feel about being on a beach in a bikini.
People may well look, but what difference to me does it make? None whatsoever.
Best advice I can give is you do you!
Dress from Me & Em
Is it too much for a very quaint, quiet, rustic little port town?
Yeah, probably! But so what?
I loved it, Chris said it looked nice, we had a good meal, followed by an ice cream, and nothing bad happened.
Good vibes only. 💚🫶🏼
Even though Chris was only here for a quick visit, and most of that was taken up with much needed admin jobs, we had the most amazing time.
The only downside I find to flying, and holidaying is that I get chronically constipated. I appreciate that might be the opposite of most people. Even in India I was rolling around in agony with constipation. I am to say the least contrary, in general, and especially in the bowel department.
I ate a lot of fibre, mostly raw, in salads, but on top of being dehydrated it’s too much for me.
Dress from Nobody’s Child, Shoes from Gina.
Knowing I suffer from this every single time, you’d have thought I would have taken some sort of laxative action, but I forget them, and forgot to ask Chris to bring them.
I am who I am.
I didn’t want to buy some from Spain, I don’t know why, well, I suppose I like the comfort of my usual ones.
So even though I was in a lot of discomfort, and definitely off my food by then, we headed home.
(Chronic constipation is nature’s Ozempic).
*Once we arrived home I took a few stool softeners to start with. I find laxatives at this point don’t actually work on me, so I need a phased attemp to unblocked my backed up system.
Flying is my Achilles heel, it doesn’t matter how much fluid I drink on the flight, I still always end up with constipation to some degree.
But I am going to try using some electrolyte powder I saw in instagram next time. So hopefully I won’t get that initial dehydration, which is what leads me to have constipation.
Don’t let the smile fool you, this lady is in a bit of a pickle. The discomfort, the sleepless nights, the general feeling of urrrghhhh, she’s not too fluffy right now.
Top and trousers from Ralph Lauren. Shoes from LV.
That said, going home was exciting for two reasons 1, because I would finally have access to the tablets I need for some results on the constipation front.
And 2, because I was picking up my new baby!
I decided a few weeks ago that the house was way too quiet, and I was lonely in the day times, but I didn’t want the all consuming task and the tie of a dog, cat, rabbit, etc etc.
So I decided on a budgie. Generally good company, not as much as a tie as a furry pet.
I chose him from his brood because he had the most magnificent colouring.
He’s the most beautiful deep indigo blue, with yellow accents.
And now he lives with us…
Just a lady and her birdie…
Obviously I was going to buy a beautiful cage for him. He is mine to spoil.
I ordered this one from an artisan carpenter in Croatia. It’s stunning! Amazing quality too.
The only downside was the import duty I had to pay, which never used to be a factor here. So the £60 import tax took me by surprise.
I introduced him to his big brothers on FaceTime hahahah
And he’s very placid and friendly so he’s been sitting on our laps…
So may I formally introduce;
Perseus Augustus Christopher Doré esquire.
Percy for short.
My latest fixation is Greece, so I wanted a Greek name, and Perseus seemed a very good choice.
Besides, if he turned out to be a she, I was still going to call her Percy, but her name would have been Persephone.
(Purrrrr-seff-phoney).
But I do believe he is a boy, so Perseus it is.
Augustus is what I wanted to name Ben. But Chris wouldn’t agree to it. So I’ve finally gotten round to using it.
And Christopher? Well, Chris wasn’t exactly on board with the idea of a pet, so I added that in to sweeten the deal. Hahahahah.
He is super cute, and so far so good (…reader, he’s not even been here 24 hours yet!)
He will get to fly out of his cage every day. And the lucky thing gets to keep this mad old bint company! He’s a lucky boy! Hahah
If something needs fixing then fix it. I wanted something to care for in the day times, and Percy really is just the ticket.
He seems to be settling in okay, although he is very quiet. He’s come from a busy home to ours. It will take some getting used to.
I will introduce another one at some stage but for ease of settling and for taming it’s easier to do it one at a time.
