I’ve got a few friends who are unfortunately going through cancer treatment right now. And I’m hoping they get well very soon. I’m completely and utterly rooting for you. Xx
It’s absolutely devastating for them, and no matter how many people I know who have been diagnosed with cancer or other serious illnesses, I absolutely still do not have the right words of encouragement and comfort to say.
Saying someone is inspirational never sits well with the person receiving it. It feels embarrassing to hear.
Brave isn’t the right word either, no matter how tempting it is to say. I appreciate it’s coming from a place of love, but it never feels good to hear. Brave suggests there is some element of choice.
Rushing into a burning building to save others is brave.
Going through cancer treatment - or die, does rather leave choice at the door.
I accept that it looks brave to anyone not going through it in the moment. But it certainly doesn’t feel it.
I admire people’s courage to keep a smile on their face when going through the worst times of their lives.
But I also know that when it was happening to me it didn’t feel brave at all. Because I was scared, and I cried a lot at night. And I felt lost and hopeless at times.
Terrified every single minute of every single day. Even though throughout treatment I kept a smile pasted on, put make up on to cover how rough I looked and had a heightened sense of humour, thank god for my already dark humour, it’s very important.
I know when our son, Sam was going through his cancer treatment at 13, he felt the same way.
It made him cringe when people said he was ‘so brave’. Like he said, “I’m not doing anything, I’m just taking the medicine and accepting that’s the only hope I have”.
And I think it’s that acceptance and resilience that people admire. And if you do manage to keep your sense of humour through it all you are winning.
(A sense of humour is so vital, it should be provided on the NHS).
I don’t have the right words to express to my friends who are going through treatment, we’ve never been taught how to as a society, but not saying anything would be worse.
So if you were in a similar situation, just saying “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say” is a very good start, and let the other person know it’s okay to feel what they are feeling, and let them rant if they need to.
Sending love to anyone going through a shit time right now. Xx
One of the reasons I love to get the most out of life is because I know how easily things can change. Literally in an instant.
I did not enjoy how claustrophobic being in treatment felt, for obvious reasons, but also, time, time is no longer yours to do with as you wish.
You are at the mercy of medical appointments and treatment time plans.
I found it very difficult. Physically treatment is hard. I suppose that’s a given, but I found cancer being a time thief equally as hard.
Time is incredibly precious.
So yes, now I can do what I want I really really do.
I didn’t used to be a grab life with both hands type, even though I guess I’d like to have been, but bowel pain, and the risk of shitting myself was so high I couldn’t risk being too far from home.
For eight years prior to my eventual diagnosis I didn’t fly anywhere! Can you imagine that?
The me that I am now flies at least once or twice a month. So it’s unfathomable to me now that I was grounded for so long.
I lived a very small life; I had one restaurant that I knew the route to the toilets, and no desire for long days out.
If we did venture further away the fear was immense.
So when I say “have bag, will travel” I really really mean it.
Dress from Jigsaw, Shoes from Hermes.
And with my ‘travel enabling’ stoma bag I headed off on my summer holidays.
I don’t make life easy for myself as it happens, because I choose to wear bracelets which can only be removed by a screwdriver.
So going through airport security is always a pain, because I set the scanner alarm off. Although in fairness it happens even when I’m not wearing them, so I think it’s just set on random spot checks most of the time.
Anyway, as usual I set the alarm off whilst going through security at Stansted. I know the drill, so I explained to the security officer that I have a stoma, and they will need to do the pat down gently over my bag.
She said she understood, but during this particular pat down she stopped at my waist and said “you’ve left something in your pocket, take it out!”
I calmly explained, that I had already told her what that was, and said “no, I haven’t, that’s my stoma bag”
And she said “you have definitely got something in your pocket I can feel it”
And at this point she is squeezing the poo in my colostomy bag.
“No no, we’ve just discussed this, I do not have anything in my pockets, that’s my colostomy bag and you are currently squeezing my poo, like it’s bubble wrap”.
It took a few seconds for this to register. And then she said “so you can’t take it out then?”
I had to explain yet again that no I couldn’t, and also…you’re still squeezing actual shit.
She then stopped and let me go on my way.
It tickled my fancy so much that she probably replayed this interaction all day, probably with a shudder of horrified realisation. Hahahah.
I felt no embarrassment or shame, but I imagine she did. I really would love it if airports could pay staff well enough to retain people, and therefore be able to train them better to deal with people with minor differences.
I don’t wear a sunflower lanyard. I don’t need one as I have no additional needs. I’m the same as anyone unbagged. And thankfully I can fully verbalise my situation should I need to.
But for people who are nervous fliers to start with, and have other issues, the thought of going off on a flying holiday might be too overwhelming.
If you are a nervous traveller with a stoma, you could get the sunflower lanyard. I’m not sure what they do but it might help reduce your anxiety about things like getting through security.
Also, if you have a more liquid output, then using something like Morform could help make plane travel easier, by firming up the bag’s contents.
I have a solid output because I have a very low down colostomy. And I am often constipated, which makes my output like solid round rabbit droppings, so it really was literally like popping bubble wrap as she squeezed my bag’s contents.
Not going to lie, I find it very satisfying when I do it, but it felt a bit unnatural and unnerving when a stranger decided to have a go…it was bad enough when a friend decided randomly to have a feel one day (you know who you are you little weirdo 🫣😂), but a total stranger, that was odd, even for me. :)
Top from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from M&S, Shoes from Chloe
The holiday was fabulous. Because Chris wasn’t working for any of it, and we were flying both ways together. This isn’t always the case.
We were going to our house in Spain. But as part of our plan we decided to check into a hotel about 11 miles down the road so we could use their pool (we have recently discovered plenty of places you can go for a swim without booking into a hotel to do so), But we’d booked this ages ago.
So that’s what we did.
We also spent some time with our friends who live down the road to us there. Which was so nice. They took us to some places we hadn’t been to before, even though we’ve had a house there for 24 years.
It was fantastic to experience new things in a familiar place. Very grateful to our friends for sharing the ideas with us.
Top and Shorts from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Chloe.
I often look at photographs of my holidays and think about how lucky I am. I’m very lucky in general, but on so many different levels.
I’m lucky I got through treatment well, I’m lucky it boosted my confidence and made me feel invincible, I’m lucky I get to go on amazing adventures. I’m lucky I get to buy nice clothes to wear on them.
I’m very lucky that I don’t let life pass me by.
Do you know how many times I’ve heard people say “Oh my god! I’d rather die than shit in a bag!”
…Too many times to count.
So I’m really very lucky that my brain never felt death was a better alternative to living this amazing adventurous life, with a stoma bag attached.
I’m lucky I get to do it all with this man here. Because I do believe he is the root of all my sheer joy and peace in this life. He has been lifting me up since 1993, he is my greatest strength.
And for that I feel very very lucky.
…and as he fully supports two ice cream a day days, I think he’s a keeper. ;)
I am a very avid ice cream eater.
I had forgotten Chris was on the holiday with me. So I started taking photos in my holidaying alone position.
Until I remembered he was here…
Bikini from Hunza G, hairband from Primark.
I have a green bikini from Hunza G too. The green is perfectly fine to wear as it is.
But I tried on this one when it arrived and discovered that you can clearly see your nips through it. Which isn’t my thing.
I was going I return it but Chris said he really loved the colour on me. So I had to find a way of make my nips less visible.
I found Nippies by B-Six in Selfridges. They were perfect for the job at hand.
If you are looking to get a Hunza G bikini I’d very much recommend the Coverage range (type Coverage in their search bar). They have a tiny bit of extra material. So they feel more secure and comfortable on. And of course the darker the colour the less likely nips would show through.
Great bikinis though. I had a fake one in the 90s. I always wanted a real one. And now I do. See, I told you I was lucky. :)
Our holidays consist of good food and not doing much generally. These trips are not a looking round holiday. It’s a sit, eat and read holiday…but mostly eating ice cream…
Top and shorts from Ralph Lauren, Bikini from Hunza G, Shoes from LK Bennett.
We checked into the hotel before the room was ready. We weren’t sure if we were going to stay the night or not.
But when it came time to go to the room (for a look) they had upgraded us to a sea view. Which was fantastic. So we decided to stay the night after all, and not drive the 10 minutes it would have been to our house.
Top from Tory Burch, Shorts from RL, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Jimmy Choo
Because we eat out a lot, and we eat a lot of ice cream - when we’re at home we eat very healthily.
(Well, we did until we both went down with horrendous cold viruses, then it was just a case of eat something crispy because soft things make me retch when I have a cold).
As with everything in life, it’s about balance. Salads by day - Paella, pil pil prawns and chopitos by night 🥰
Dress from Oliver Bonas, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Strathberry
This holiday was a bit different for many and various reasons. But a main one was Ben and Erin flew over to holiday with us for a bit. Which was really really lovely.
Very handily our friends showed us some new places. And we were able to pass that on to Ben and Erin to enjoy too.
Dress from Tesco, Shoes from Gina.
We went to a castle in a nearby mountain village. I was very glad I had worn some of Chris’s underwear for this particular adventure. :)
It was heavenly, until the colds struck. Then it was still nice, but we felt like death warmed up.
I think because Ben and Erin were over Chris suggested a day at the beach. He hates sand, so this isn’t something that gets bandied about often. So even though I felt rough, I wasn’t going to miss out on a day at the seaside.
It was fabulous. Even with a cold. The sea was warm. The sun was shining. It was perfect.
Turns out Ben and Erin detest sand as much as Chris, so it was a bit of luck that came to light after we got there. :)
Yay for beach days for me. :)
The perfect holiday, with the best people.
We stayed in a few nights, because we felt so unwell. But we decided to put our glad rags on and make the most of our last night.
(Because we would be outside dining, and unlikely to be spreading our germs about. I’m not a monster).
We also decided to stay up late for the carnival the port town we are nearest to was putting on. As we’d never been before.
Definitely worth getting dosed up on Lemsip and smothered in Vicks vapour rub for!
It was absolutely brilliant!
Then it was time for Chris and I to head home, while Ben and Erin continued their holiday.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from M&S, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Chloe.
Did I want to leave this glorious weather and head for a very cold, rainy England?
No I absolutely did not!!
What is this shambles of weather in England right now?
I want sunshine on my bones. And an excuse to wear a very extensive new wardrobe.
We arrived back to this…
Oh come on!!! What the ****!?!? It’s July!!!
If it wasn’t for the fact I had a very busy day planned for Monday, I would have cancelled my flight and stayed out there.
But Monday morning was jammed packed with fun! 🫣😩😂
First stop was to my GP practice for my eight weekly B12 jab, and then a Pap smear test. Oh what fun. But definitely needed.
Then after that I drove over to Chelmsford to have my little skin cancers removed.
I hadn’t really given it much thought. I knew what the plastic surgeon had said needed doing and I just accepted it and never gave it another thought.
So I was a bit surprised by the size of the wounds, because I had just assumed I knew what they would look like. But to get all the margins he needed to do it properly first time.
I should probably be more inquisitive in future, but then I’d be no better off than I am now, I’d just know beforehand. :)
I’m not going to lie. I was in a state of shock when I left the hospital.
I hadn’t really factored in what was involved. I didn’t think the chest one would need any stitches at all. And I really didn’t think the leg one would have that many. I think I was just going through the motions when the surgeon explained it all to me prior to having it done.
I’ve woken up this morning in a far better head space. But yesterday, well, yesterday I was feeling pretty upset.
I fully understand that scars show us what we are capable of surviving. They are what they are. I just wasn’t expecting such big ones.
Up until yesterday I had great looking legs, and now I have great looking legs, one with a bit of a scar incoming.
But so what? I’ve had worse, and lived to tell the tale.
I am in a much better frame of mind about it today.
Resilience, acceptance and a sense of humour is vital for a life lived well.
The best advice I can give is wear sun screen, I have always been vigilant as an adult, but I am a child of the 70s
~ we used to burn to **** back then.
Second advice, get any weird skin things checked. Earlier the better. Not Just moles. All and any skin oddities need checking.
I found a new one on my arm the other day, the surgeon looked at it yesterday, confirmed it is another Basal Cell Carcinoma, and is going to remove with a different machine in a few weeks time. It’s small and found early so it will just be zapped off.
Prevention is better than cure. And early detection is better than doing nothing.
We need to be our own heroes. Get checked. Stay safe 💙
Thinking again about the people who say they’d rather be dead than have to live with a bag.
Firstly, I totally believe to each their own, you do you and all that.
But what exactly is it looking at my photos, of just this week’s holiday alone, would anyone consider unacceptable, unappealing or unliveable in any way?
Because I was lucky enough to be there living it and it felt fucking amazing (apart from having a cold, and you can get them bag free).
So I just can’t get my head around thinking like that. I appreciate I wasn’t thinking I’d be living life to the full when I was told I needed a stoma. I assumed I’d just be stuck indoors because I had no idea what life with a stoma could or would look like.
I hadn’t seen anyone with one anywhere.
I hadn’t seen all the fabulous stoma influencers there are out there these days on Instagram and TikTok.
These glorious young people showing how life can be lived with a stoma. I for one salute them, because they may well be the lifeline someone facing surgery needs to see, to build a vision of a hopeful bright future.
Just seeing these young beautiful women in skimpy clothes looking absolute fire will give prospective bag users that much needed confidence, not just physically, but emotionally too.
I know I could have done with seeing people living good lives, wearing nice clothes, eating out, holidaying, before my operation, because I really didn’t think any of that would be possible…
…and yet still at no point did I ever think I’d rather be dead than have a bag.
In the first six months of this year alone I have done more than I did in the 10 years prior to diagnosis, whilst suffering from symptoms of bowel issues.
In fact it’s probably the case that I’ve done more in the first six months of this year than those unbagged people who say they’d rather be dead than live with a bag.
…and again I will say “you do you babes”.
🥰😘
Keep well. Hope you don’t get the cold that’s going round, it’s a shocker. Xx