This blog today is in honour of a lovely friend who is now on the final journey. Yes, I’m politely trying to say she’s dying.
It’s such an awkward feeling and conversation, and the most difficult thing to articulate. We don’t do death in our society, we never learn how, yet we all will face it at some stage. There is nothing more certain in life.
We don’t want to talk or even think about it.
It can be so easy to live our lives forgetting that one day it will be over. We all know it of course, but we let it slip our minds and hearts.
It’s so important to remember that you only get this one shot at it, as far as we can know. You/I /we need to do as much as possible while we can…and quite importantly, change the things that make us feel unhappy and uncomfortable.
I chatted to my friend about her situation and death, recently. I hoped she’d got all the things done that she had planned and wished to.
She said that she of course would have wanted more time, but satisfied that she had managed to do a few things with her close friends to make memories with them.
We talked about making funeral plans for her. I imagine, like myself, most people haven’t discussed it with anyone, and therefore when the time comes what would your funeral actually look like?
The coffin (wicker please, lined with a floral fabric, basically I’m going out in a beautiful picnic hamper), the dress code (yes, I have a dress code in mind. I want everyone in all black, but utterly glamorous. Hats, gloves, veils. Think 1930s sophistication, add in a long cigarette holder too, just don’t light the cigarette, I can’t stand the smell, although I will be past caring at that point I suppose), flowers, I’d like one big gorgeous display on the top of my coffin, no others, but donations made to the charity of whatever finally killed me off), the music, of course, it’s such a personal thing. What would I choose for Chris’s funeral (literally no idea, and we have lived together nearly 30 years. We so need to have the chat) and what music would he choose for mine? We just don’t have these sorts of discussions, and we really probably should.
My dad once said he wanted ‘Smoke gets in your eyes’ as he is being cremated. I said it to my friend and she laughed, and said that’s one wish I should definitely adhere to.
I’d like some jolly tunes for mine, a bit of Abba, or the Carpenters maybe, but also Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber. It’s an incredible piece of music, breathtakingly beautiful. And my absolute favourite piece of classical music ever. It must be, seeing as I remember it by name, rather than all the rest which is a mixture of the wrong, vague recollection of a title, or “you know, the music from the ad for ______”
I’m not for a minute suggesting we all have an existential crisis, or even dwell on death or funerals. But it might be an idea to make some thoughts and feelings about it to the people who are likely going to be planning it for you. It might sound maudlin, but actually, if and when the time comes you will have lifted a small burden of responsibility from them for your send off, giving them the gift of at least some peace that it was as you wanted.
Say what you’d like to have, or write it down…and say where you’ve stored the info.
My friend’s attitude and resilience is inspiring, she has given me the gift of remembering to live this life with everything I can throw at it. Not wasting a second, not squandering any of my precious time. Living it with joy. Not worrying what others might think.
We waste so much energy on the ‘not important stuff list’, and I really don’t know why, I do it myself sometimes. Honest to God, what difference does it make to me if some people don’t like me? What a ridiculous waste of time. Loads of people probably don’t like me, but you know what, loads of people do, so I’ll focus on them. They’re the ones whose opinions count.
Focus on what we have in our lives, not what we think it’s lacking.
The only thing that matters is being here. And our loved ones being here. That’s it. Nothing else, all the rest is just noise, just distraction.
I’m devastated her treatment has ended up this way for her. She honestly deserves better. I’m thankful that I met her, even if it was fleetingly.
A few years ago she boosted my confidence so much I was bursting with pride. I’m lucky as I got to say thank you at the time, and I had the chance to say it again the other day.
I’m so sad for her close friends and family, because she is most definitely one of the good ones, and will leave an un-fillable hole in their lives and hearts. Sending love. Xx
It’s a brutal reminder that fun times with people you love, and who love you, is the only thing that matters in life. Remember that every day and literally live it as if it’s the last. Hopefully it won’t be (please universe), but squeeze the pips out of all of the days, and you won’t have any actual regrets, other than not getting longer, and that’s not anything we can control.
As clichéd as it may seem, live everyday as if it were the last. Xx
So with renewed determination of making every day count, I headed out with love, gratitude and feeling thankful for the day…
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I mentioned the other day that I’m selling my clothes (that no longer fit or that have never been used) on Vinted. I keep saying I’ve made £300 so far. But it’s not a true statement is it. The clothes probably cost thousands, but you can’t dwell on that bit.
I simply remind myself that if they sat in the wardrobe gathering dust they wouldn’t be making any money at all. At least this way I get a few pennies to spend on things that do fit (always advisable) and someone gets an absolute bargain to enjoy. It’s a win win.
T shirt from Tory Burch, Jeans from Tesco, Shoes from Chanel.
Whilst going through my wardrobe I found I have a ridiculous amount of clothes. So I’m going to spend smarter in future. Classic pieces, that fit well seems like a great idea. I’m cutting back on what I actually buy too.
Will I really wear it?
Do I really want it?
Do I really need it?
It’s actually made me put a few things back on the rails in shops. I’ve stopped myself from buying indiscriminately on whims and fancies.
It’s also made me realise I need to get some use out of the clothes I already own.
And I’m very much in a fuck it head space right now, so I’m wearing jeans, because well, fuck it!! Why not!
If my bag leaks, it leaks, I’ll change it, and get over it (I mean, I’ll be mortified, but so what!?! It’s not the end of the world).
It’s not that I’m being bolshy about it, I’m just being rational. I’d be upset if it leaked, but I’m just not willing to not give it a go and take a chance.
I avoid jeans like the plague usually. But the weather has turned a bit cooler at home, and jeans are such a great go to! So let’s go!
I woke up with a yearning to make the day count. To do something nice, to live the day…
…and Chris took my gentle hint…well, my “what shall we do to thrill and delight me today?” …Was kind of a big hint.
It wasn’t that I wanted to spend money on something, I just wanted to make the day count.
Chris had a think, and booked us in for lunch at Field in Fortnums. It’s a restaurant we’ve walked by many times, but never been to before.
Which was a great idea, because good food is always a great plan.
Top from M&S, Jeans from Tesco, Shoes from Gucci.
It was an exceptional plan as it turns out. Definitely worth a visit, would recommend to a friend (you being the friend).
It is, essentially, eating lunch in a supermarket, but it’s a very nice supermarket. The food was simple and delicious. It’s making my mouth water thinking about it.
From there, with very full bellies, after a 3 course lunch, we headed over to Hyde Park, because I thought we should/could add in some culture. We are on the doorstep of some of the greatest galleries and museums in the world, and rarely visit them.
So I picked The Serpentine Gallery. We walked over there, because apparently we have endless city miles in our feet, but turn to jelly if countryside miles are suggested.
On the way we were walking past Apsley House, the Duke of Wellington’s old days London home. Which is impressively named Number One London. How’s that for a desirable address!
It’s an English Heritage property, and we happen to be members. But unfortunately we didn’t have the membership cards with us, but we took a chance and they very kindly let us in.
It’s a beautiful place. Stunning. And weirdly Wellington had a penchant for table scaping too! I kid you not. There was a whole room of scapes. Love love love that!!
We left there happy for the visit, and headed over to the Serpentine gallery.
Unbeknown to me, there are two galleries there, so choose wisely…I didn’t. We ended up seeing a very boring (to me) collection of spiders webs in glass containers and a video about some problematic salt flats in South America. Not what I was hoping for.
We left there rather regretting the culture we had just experienced. Hahahaha… in fairness to us there were some people who definitely looked like that was their bag, and they left mid way through the salt flats video, so I didn’t feel so bad about not getting anything from it. :)
After that we wandered around the park. Building up quite the appetite…no, seriously, we did.
Obvs if we’re in the area we’re going over to Harvey Nic’s for dinner.
Madhus Brassiere on the fifth floor is one of our faves. The thali is incredible. I could eat it breakfast, lunch and dinner, and I will be in November in India. :)
Food 1
Culture 0
But we gave it a try. And we’ll try a different gallery next time. I have a few favourites in London. So maybe we’ll just go back to what we know.
My jeans didn’t cause any issues, so that’s a win right there. I enjoyed the day because I was with the best there is. Anywhere with you, CD is my happy place. x
Then Sunday we decided to visit the polo club Chris signed up for membership for last week.
A friend of mine told me about it as she knows we really enjoy polo. We hadn’t been to this particular club before, yes, he joined it before we tried it, and boy did it pay off!
We had a fabulous day!
They had an open day, the Festival of the Horse. There were polo matches all day but also exhibition riders and some police horses showing their skills.
We hadn’t realised there was a restaurant there, which looked and smelled amazing. Chris asked if they had any availability, but sadly they didn’t.
Look at her jeans 3 days in a row!!
Top from Gap, Jeans from New Look, Shoes from Jimmy Choo.
Anyway, we sat outside the restaurant having a drink (they had 0.0 beers so it was a very good day). When one of the owners of the restaurant came over to ask if we’d like to take the table cancellation they just had….errrrrr, yes please!
It was fantastic! The choice was Animal or Non Animal, and that was it. You get what they serve up, there is no menu. Chris went for animal and I went for the non. And it was stunning.
Another day of exceptional food is another day lived well. We’re definitely going to go back. They do a fab Sunday roast on normal match days apparently.
We really enjoyed the polo there, and the horse shows. Even Chris who is desperately allergic to horses.
Monday I wore a dress, because, I’m ballsy to wear jeans and risk potential leaks, but I’m not a complete maniac.
I gave my output a chance to flow freely. 1, it’s just generally a good idea. And 2, I was flying the next day so I wanted to be as risk free as possible.
Dress from M&S, Shoes from CD, Bag from Jimmy Choo.
Then Tuesday I flew here to Sunny (scorching) Spain…
Dress from Oliver Bonas (yearssss ago) Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Chloe.
I flew out here by myself. It’s actually one of the boldest things I ever do.
Some days I think I’m a bit feeble. I had a raging headache after I drove the 50 minutes home from visiting my parents the other day. Honest to God I had to go to bed early with some ibruprofen. Driving to my childhood home and back.
And then some days I feel invincible…I flew out to Spain on my own, I drove our car by myself to our Spain house…and sun creamed my own back, even with my dodgy elbow (I have an infection in the joint)…today I’m my own protagonist, I am my own hero. Hahaha.
It actually feels very bold. I accomplished something, more the driving bit, but sun creaming yourself is a pretty impressive achievement too.
Today it hit 40 degrees. It’s like holiday in Dante’s inferno, so I am hiding in the air con inside mainly. But I got up early for a few early morning rays.
Bikini from Tesco, Hat from Ale Hop.
The salt flat video the other day was about the impact of climate change and robbing the natural world of resources. And 40 degree heat is a pretty good indicator that governments, and us, need to do something about it now.
But as I just flew here, I’m going to leave the telling of that to someone less hypercritical than me…I’m trying, I’m just recycling my empties as I type.
How’s holidaying alone going?…
Well it started strong;
But apparently living alone quickly descends into can’t be arsed to do anything…
Reheated stale bread, Brie and crisps…the dinner of champions. Hahahaha
Thankfully Chris arrives tomorrow. Normal service will resume. :)
Much love, Keep well, keep cool. Xx