This year I’m coming up to my 10 years since being diagnosed with Stage 3 Bowel cancer, and in the summer it will be 10 years since I had my colostomy.
I often forget that I was anything other than settled and content, complete in my incompleteness.
I think coming up to the 10 year marker has made me think about my diagnosis and how unprepared I was for my operation, but mainly how far I’ve come and how much I’ve been able to enjoy a full life.
I do recall being sent some “practice stomas” that you use pre op to see what it would be like.
I’ve got to be honest, even though I was distraught about the up coming operation I never did give the trial stoma a go. I couldn’t see any point as I knew mine was going to be a permanent arrangement and therefore it seemed futile to practice the inevitable.
I’m sure they can help some people, but just remember though stomas are made out of your bowel turned inside out. It is soft and squashy and not at all firm to the touch.
I do however remember walking into my sons’ play room to find them and a friend sitting wearing the little red spongy blobs. One of whom was wearing it on his head. Hahahahaha.
As it turned out my pre op distress and trauma completely evaporated as soon as I came round from surgery. I appreciate I’m the weird one, as this is not the normal sentiment felt when waking up from stoma surgery.
I forget now that I was so distressed that I didn’t plan on seeing my friends in the flesh ever again. I planned to keep in touch by email and text but that was it. It was my expectation that I would become a virtual recluse, by my own choice. I really thought leaving the house would be limited and rare.
I mean it when I say I was heart broken to think my body would be too scarred and disfigured to even walk outside again, and this was my thinking about being fully clothed, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever be undressed in public again.
All my preconceptions of what stoma life would be like were wrong, in fact so far wrong it couldn’t be more opposite.
Only in December I was strutting (yes, strutting!! And why not!?) my stuff by the pool on holiday in Austria.
Does this lady look like a recluse to you?
Just in case there was any doubt, she’s not a recluse at all…she gets out quite a bit actually…and for some reason she’s decided to talk in the third person!?
Take the week just gone. I (phew!, the first person is back in play), went out quite a bit.
I am slightly cautious of going out for meals, cautious but not prevented from doing it.
I have to prepare properly and to factor in different things than before my op. But it doesn’t prevent me from going out and very much enjoying myself.
We had arranged to meet Matt and Kim for a curry. We were going on a grown up night out.
The restaurant is newly opened in our local town. I’ve been twice before and it’s been fantastic. I would recommend Lounge India to any locals or indeed anyone passing through the great town of Braintree.
Wearing a dress would be less nerve racking as leaks very rarely occur in dresses, but it’s chilly out and to be honest I just wanted to wear trousers, little sauce pot, daredevil that I am!
These leggings are fantastic. They are super stretchy and they have a zip. This gives me confidence that I should be fine to eat in them.
When I get to the restaurant I just unzip them. No one ever sees, and if they do, so what?
Unzip to eat, zip up to leave. Job’s a good’un as they say!
Do I feel I’m living compromised or hindered? No, never actually.
I really prefer my colostomy to my pre colostomy life.
Ok so I had fully symptomatic but undiagnosed cancer, and I was a very poorly lady (although I didn’t know that for some considerable time). I had pain that was off the chart and plenty of shameful and embarrassing accidents.
So yes, for me colostomy life is better than that.
Had I had my colostomy op for no reason then I’d being singing a very different tune right now, I’d be bleating on about how hard done by I am and how awful life is this way I imagine.
But let’s face it, no one is having stoma surgery for no reason!!
This life I have now is so much fun. I have been more places and done more things than I did in the prior 10 years before my op.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Leggings from Topshop, Shoes from Chanel.
Going out for a curry is something I do happily and readily.
Going out to do anything I want to is in fact heaven on earth. I’m free.
Saturday morning I went to a gym…no, not to exercise, but for a physio therapy session. My back has been bad since radiotherapy. It takes a lot of hard work to keep me on the go.
Can you wear gym gear and actually use a gym with a stoma? Yes, 100% yes…just because I’m far too lazy for it doesn’t mean it’s not do-able. Hahahahaha
Then it was straight back home to get ready for our day date.
We went to London to get a few bits and bobs. I wore a dress because I felt this was the easiest and most relaxing option. I had eaten loads the night before, so I wanted free flow and no accidents thank you very much.
(*although I can’t guarantee no accidents, dresses do limit them).
Dress from Primark, Tights from Tesco, Boots from Karl Lagerfeld.
Chris and I had such a lovely day. He bought himself a new watch strap and I bought a rather beautiful scarf from Christian Dior. (What?!? A scarf isn’t clothing, it’s an accessory, so I haven’t broken my clothes buying ban…yet).
It got to about 4pm and Chris asked what I fancied for dinner…silly question really! What do I always fancy for dinner. So he booked a table at Chutney Mary Indian restaurant.
It’s my favourite place to eat in London.
Oh my goodness, my mouth is watering just looking at the photos.
As usual we ordered enough food for 4, and as usual we ploughed through it like it was our only meal that week! Hahahahaha
We were stuffed, really really stuffed. But totally worth it. I took my trusty travel size pot of D mix and ate it on the Tube on our way home. So by the time we got home I was discomfort free and ready for bed.
Sunday morning we were up early to drive to Winchester for lunch and to meet Sam, Milly and Zak, with Ben and Kaitlyn in tow.
It’s Milly’s birthday next week and we won’t get a chance to see them next weekend.
Winchester is about 2 and a half hours from us, we’d never been there before but it’s really very lovely.
Having had two nights of eating curry I decided to play it safe and wear very very soft stretchy leggings.
I’m a risk taker but not crazy.
Cardigan from The White Company, Top from Gap, Leggings from Topshop, Shoes -Yeezy’s.
These leggings are proper old fashioned, soft stretchy cotton. They are so easy to wear, and more importantly easy to poo in (never fails to shock even me that I’m looking for the ideal clothes to poo in!? Hahahahaha. If you don’t have an ostomy of any kind please don’t try this at home!).
After a lovely stroll round Winchester, we went to the Ivy brassiere there for lunch. A three course lunch as it turned out so I was even more glad of my choice of attire (and travel pot of D mix) I was to say the least a tad stuffed yet again.
Honestly my blogs are somewhat repetitive…went out, ate too much, got gut ache, went home.
I’m just so grateful that you still bother to pop by and read them, so thank you for that. x
We did venture into the shops…and I’m ashamed to say that I have now broken my clothes buying ban, but in my defence, it was something that caught my eye for a very specific reason.
I have some beautiful orange Jimmy Choo shoes, they are spectacular, but incredibly difficult to wear, as they are bright orange and therefore a tad restrictive in use. I saw a beautiful dress in Jigsaw that had the exact orange in it.
I walked out of the shop, down the road and then turned back round and back into the shop and bought it.
Yes, yes, I know I wasn’t meant to be doing exactly that but it was too good an opportunity to give up.
I will get lots of wear out of it. Definitely with the Choos but also with trainers on a lovely summers day. It’s a great all rounder. (Who am I trying to convince? You or me?!).