Dear reader, because I felt things were going far too well for my bowels, I decided especially for you I’d mess them right up and give myself a problem…well, I sort of wish I’d done it as an experiment, but actually I messed my bowels up solely because I’m a greedy binge eater.
The sadness of my empty nest took a foolish turn.
Yep, a week in and I’m still very sad and still having afternoon tears (literally makes no sense, my kids have been at school or work for the last 20 years, so I have no idea why the afternoons are getting to me). I’m assuming it’s going to stop soon. Bloody better do at any rate. No one wants to come round and play with a sad sack. :)
I have always been an emotional over and under eater at various points (I’ve got to be honest in the last 9 and a half years there’s been no under eating at all, which is great). The over eating is still in full swing though sadly.
But my brain for whatever reason, wanted comforting high fibre foods to binge on, so instead of doing my fasting diet (I usually only eat from 12 noon till 8pm), I started having breakfast. Lovely big bowls of high fibery breakfast, followed by a lunch of high fibre wholemeal granary toast, three slices a day for 4 days, plus a big old helping of high fibrey comforting snacks and evening meals…
…fibre is great for you, we should all try and improve our fibre intake, but as the saying goes, you can have too much of a good thing. I knew it, but continued anyway. Clearly the power of bingeing is far stronger than the knowledge of knowing it’s going to end badly.
Ok, so there are worse things I could turn to in a time of distress to binge on, but I was so uncomfortable by Friday…of course, it’s just too late by the time I’m feeling the effects of my stupidity, I’m too far down the rabbit hole at that point.
There wasn’t much I could do but drink plenty of water and hope for the best.
What about your magic D mix I hear you cry!! Well firstly it’s full of, Yep you guessed it - fibre! And let’s face it, it really had its work cut out for it in the circumstances.
I was suffering bowel spasms and pain. There’s nothing I could do but wait and let it run it’s course, and then Saturday came and we were having friends over and then heading over to Ben’s flat to show them around, so I in my infinite wisdom decided to wear jeans, skin tight jeans.
I really wanted to wear this top, and for that I needed to wear jeans, I didn’t give it much thought, but of course whatever was stuck in my body to start with was going to have to stay stuck due to not being able to flow freely out, because rather than wear something baggy or loose fitting I’d chosen to wear skin tight denim. (You couldn’t make this stuff up could you!?)
In my defence, I’ve never claimed to be some guru that knows anything about anything, and I’m fully aware I don’t always have my own best interests at heart. I’m human, I make mistakes and errors of judgement a lot…A LOT, a lot!
I was just so excited to wear this little jumper, my brother bought it for me…when I was 15 or 16, so it’s at least 31 years old and still going strong. It looks as good today as it did the day he bought it for me from Oasis just outside Covent Garden Tube station in London.
The boots I’m wearing are a pair I ruined by dropping something fatty on them and discolouring the toe on one boot (must have spilt something down myself on a visit to Greggs at some stage - big shock!). But I had an idea the other day. I used some Ugg boot reviver and I managed to bring the boots back to life and darken the whole boots so the stain blends in.
As you can see, I’m very dedicated to not buying anything new.
It’s wasteful to keep buying and buying, bad for the environment and bank account alike, so I’m trying to use what I already have.
Top from Oasis (31 years ago), Jeans from Topshop, Boots from Lacoste.
This should have been a clue that tight jeans would not be my best plan. I was already feeling the discomfort when I first got dressed.
I loved the outfit, it made me feel good. The fact that something I wore at 16 still fits at 46 is rather good for one’s self esteem…ok so it probably has stretched over time but let’s not focus on that! Hahahahaha.
We had a lovely time at Ben’s with my oldest friend in the world Steve (that reads a bit misleadingly. He’s not that old, I’ve just known him the longest. My mum was looking after his brother while Steve was being born, just a few weeks after my own birth) and his wife Jacqui and their boys.
Jacqui made bread and a cake. Kaitlyn, Ben’s girlfriend baked a cake and I happily obliged both by eating them…(don’t! I know, I know!!!).
It was a really lovely afternoon. I know I keep going on about how sad I am now my home is child free, but I couldn’t be prouder or happier for Ben. The flat is lovely. He and Kaitlyn have settled in beautifully.
Sam, Milly and Zak are all settled into their home too. All is good in the world.
We got home Saturday afternoon and the discomfort got far worse. I was beside myself, didn’t know what to do.
I even sat on the toilet, though what good I thought that would do me I don’t know but I was in such a state I literally had no idea what to do.
Then Chris suggested I go and sit in the hot tub, God I love that man, he’s a genius.
So off I go to sit out there.
Whilst sitting in one spot I noticed the jets hitting my calf muscles. I could use those I thought!!
So I turned the wrong way round and laid down with the jets pummelling my abdomen. And although uncomfortable, it did begin to relieve some of the discomfort.
And for those wondering, swimming and hot tubbing with an ostomy bag is perfectly agreeable, there is no reason to abstain from either.
I got very lucky, I always do, this is not the first time I’ve been blocked up, either by my own doing or its own sheer bloody mindedness.
Some people end up with bowel obstructions. Touch wood I won’t. I haven’t so far, so fingers crossed.
Sunday was a brighter day all round, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, my constipation had alleviated through the night, one of the many handy pros of having a colostomy bag… :)
My mum and dad were coming over to see Ben’s flat for the first time.
I decided that seeing as I had done some damage with tight jeans the day before I’d be a bit more sensible and wear some very soft, cosy, and easy to go to the toilet in leggings.
Although I am the undisputed champion of a self inflicted bowel blip, constipation happens. It’s just one of those things, it comes with the territory of dodgy bowels.
My number one rule 1. Don’t do as I do…literally don’t do it to yourself and rule 2. When dressing well with a stoma allow for poo room.
I broke the rules on Saturday, I did not allow for poo room. Hahahahaha. What!? I’m not an expert, I’m just a girl standing in front of you trying to muddle through life as easily as possible the same as you are.
(girl might be a stretch, but you know what I mean).
A far happier bunny on Sunday, a slight cramping, the usual left over from over stretching your bowels. But for the most part everything was fine.
I wore my soft leggings, I ate sensibly and I took my trusty D mix. It still works a treat. I just have to remember to not over do it on the food intake.
On the subject of food, I have been a housewife for 24 years nearly. The one thing I find so tedious is to have to choose the food for everyone else in the house, although that issue has been halved now, it’s still a blight on a very happy landscape of house wifing.
But no more! My friend Kim has been using a company called Gousto. It’s a meal service that provides everything you need to cook a meal in a box, it’s very clever. There’re ice packs to keep everything cold. Everything is weighed out to the exact amount you need. So although it might be an expensive way to eat, there is no food waste.
And rather than me wandering the aisles of Tesco, aimlessly looking for inspiration, it’s delivered to my door, and the meals are chosen by “us”.
We sit down at the laptop together and decide. Oh the sheer heaven of not being the one to choose.
It’s been a lot of fun so far. I struggle to read recipes as I skip words and lines, makes most things in life difficult. So I prep and Chris cooks…ain’t we just the cutest!!
I made that bowl of salsa in the foreground. Hahahahaha.
Absolute heaven!
I’d totally recommend it if you're as meal fatigued as I am.
Google a voucher code online and get a discount, like we did.
*Not got a hot tub handy…I mean who has, we only bought one in August last year. Try a hot water bottle and gentle kneading of your belly. Xx