Apologies for the italics again. It’s not a deliberate attempt to be fancy. It just keeps happening.
So what’s new? Well, that granuloma that was causing pancaking was becoming a bit too big of a problem.
So what did I do? Did I head to my stoma nurse team and seek help?
Did I ****! I can’t, I just can’t. I haven’t called upon them in 13 years.
Some people might have great relationships with their stoma team but that hasn’t happened for me, for many and various reasons.
So I was a bit stuck.
…I decided to I call in my ‘sickness and in health’ pledge, from the pledger. ;)
I have been with Chris 30 years this month! Thirty Whole Years! (I know, I can’t believe it either, and if you’ve ever met me you’d be a bit surprised he’s stayed for this long too!).
But for his sins he did make the promise to stick by me through sickness and in health…although I have probably pushed my luck on this one, but nevertheless, I needed help yet again.
The granuloma was on the underside of my stoma, which meant I couldn’t get to it well. And I am the clumsiest person alive. So a stick with a burny end probably wouldn’t be my best plan.
Should people go to their stoma team? Yes, unequivocally yes!
Should I DIY it? No, probably not. But one of the things I don’t like about having a stoma is being a “patient”.
I don’t feel like a patient. I am fit and healthy (of sorts) and have no reason to medicalise my stoma.
Some people of course have no choice in this. If the stoma was part of an on going condition, IBD for instance, then yes, they would probably be a patient under the care of a surgeon or specialist.
But that’s not me. I had a very unfortunate incident with cancer. The cancer was removed, along with some bowel, rectum, anus and ovaries for good measure, and then I was sent on my way.
I have 5 yearly colonoscopies (but, then I think everyone should have them), and that’s it.
I was a patient 13 years ago, but not now.
I happen to have a stoma, but I have no ongoing medical needs related to the stoma. I have other issues caused by cancer, but the stoma just replaced my bumhole. No one with a bumhole is classed as a patient, solely because they have one.
I am very very fortunate to be free.
I found myself in a situation where I don’t want outside help with my stoma. I am a tad pig headed sometimes…I prefer the terms self sufficient and determined ~ potato/potato (that really doesn’t work written down does it?!).
So yes, I asked Chris if he would mind cauterising my granuloma, and he said no problem. He really did, he didn’t bat an eyelid.
I said to my friend that Chris has just cauterised the granuloma on my stoma, and she said that she felt that was the unsexiest sentence she’d ever heard.
Is there a greater example of love than burning off a bit of overgrown flesh? I’m not sure there is.
Jane Austen has nothing in this love story!
If you were getting a bit anxious that there would be step by step photos fear not. There are none to come. I could talk you through it if needed, but it was ridiculously easy to do.
If I was less clumsy and more bendy, I’m sure I could have done it myself.
So far so good though, he does have a very steady hand. There is nothing he can’t do. Why do you think I married him?!
I always say to people when they ask me the secret to a long and happy relationship…the key is to not marry a self serving dick head (this is a unisex statement), but I would also suggest that you find someone with a steady hand too.
With my stoma granuloma now well on its way out I am hoping that the leaking becomes a thing of the past.
I’ve been reliably informed that stomas can’t hurt as they have no nerve endings, but I’ve never found that to be the case. I’ve caught my stoma on many a door handle and I can confirm it really does hurt..a lot. I might be a super feeler or something.
Cauterising the stoma was fine, but it did stingle…yes, it’s a word.
It stings and tingles, a bit like a stinging nettle but nothing awful.
Once it was done (it will need a few further treatments, but I bought plenty of silver nitrate sticks) it was time for us to head out.
I want to be out as much as possible at the moment. A friend passed away last week, and I understandably feel very sad about it. She has gone far far too soon. I have been here so many times before, but it doesn’t ever make it easier, if anything it makes it worse.
Too many people are getting too little time here.
I want to be out living and doing, and seeing and feeling everything I can.
I want to make the most of the time I get.
I asked Chris if we could go out for a magical mystery tour (we used to do this a lot when the boys were little).
He thought I’d love a trip to the Cotswolds…those famous Cotswolds…we have these plans to go but never get there.
Anyway, we did try and head there, but the traffic was horrendous so we ended up at Bicester Village Outlet Shopping Center.
Who needs to walk around those beautiful honey stoned house lined streets, in picture perfect villages, when we can head to an outlet village instead! Hahahah
Top from Ralph Lauren, Jeans from Tesco, Bag and shoes from Dior.
Did I need anything? Not the point, next question!
I bought a few bits, I was actually quite restrained. I saw things I liked, but I’m being more disciplined and discerning with purchases. I hardly want to waste more money selling stuff on Vinted for a fraction of the cost.
I bought a white bag to go with some white shoes I bought a while back. And I bought 2 gorgeous jumpers from N.Peal, which felt so nice on. Casual but classy. I love N.peal, sadly I can only buy it in the sale as it’s ridiculously expensive.
Plus if I buy from them I then need to stock up on my body weight in anti moth stuff because I live in the most moth ridden home ever!
I didn’t buy it while I was there but I saw a very fabulous rain coat from Holland Cooper that took my fancy. Have you seen this summer? It’s not like I’m not going to need it, is it.
Anyway I didn’t get it there, but I ordered it when I got home. I was going to do a sneaky and pretend I’d had it years, but unfortunately the order confirmation was sent to Chris’s email address! Damn you Apple Pay! Damn You!! Making devious people’s lives hard since 2014!
On Sunday we decided to go back to watch polo at the club we joined a few weeks ago.
We saw two fantastic matches! Really really good. There was a local news team recording a report on a 15 year old boy who is something of a child prodigy.
He doesn’t come from a typical polo family (posh and loaded), he’s just a normal boy from a normal equestrian family - who happens to be an exceptionally talented polo player. He went to Argentina to hone his skills last season.
Chris and I are both in the report in the background. I look like I’m completely disinterested because I’m texting. But I was telling my friends about the incredible boy player.
Dress from Nobody’s Child, Bag from Balenciaga, Shoes from Gucci.
Most unfortunate to choose to film us when it looks like I wasn’t actually paying attention. :)
I was, we had a great afternoon there.
Then it was home to chill out…only I’m not very good at that. So I suggested a trip to the cinema…yep, that’s how desperate I was to be out and about, I actually suggested a movie trip.
It’s probably a bit unclear as to what we watched! Hahahahahah…
I loved the film! It is what I can only describe as a feminist protest propaganda campaign. But I can’t see how that could possibly be a negative.
There is a monologue that should be projected across the globe. Who knew the Barbie movie would come along and highlight the ridiculousness of the world to us all.
This is America Ferrera’s monologue, one of the film's signature moments as her character Gloria talks to her daughter Sasha (Ariana Greenblatt).
“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.
"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.
“But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault…
I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us”.
It’s a powerful piece.
It’s a great film. It’s not for everyone, but that’s all films isn’t it.
I stand with Barbie 🩷
*******
Having worn jeans for a few days I counteracted them with a selection of dresses…
This is the most I have to do ‘because’ I have a stoma. I am incredibly lucky.
Dress 1;
Dress from Oliver Bonas, Shoes from Tods
It has a fine self material belt attached. Which I think is meant to be tied at the back. But I tie it at the front to disrupt the outline of my bag.
I’m most definitely not embarrassed or ashamed of my stoma, but I like it to not be visible if I can possibly help it.
Dress 2,
Dress from Tesco, Shoes from Gucci
This dress has a great chunky self material belt that works a treat for distorting my bag line.
Dress 3
Dress from Nobody’s Child, Shoes from Christian Dior
This one happens to be flat fronted, which means the bag’s outline can show up. So I wear a thick but slinky fabric petticoat underneath. As old fashioned as they seem, they are a godsend.
In the olden days good dresses came fully lined. But that’s getting rarer and rarer. So I find adding a slip smoothes my bag and bumps alike.
Dress 4,
Dress from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from LK Bennett
Back to belted, this one is a corker. Firstly the style compliments my figure. And secondly the belt yet again gives me a layer of added confidence.
My bag is disguised and concealed. This is absolutely for my own benefit, because; Firstly, no one else cares what I’ve got going on under my clothes. Secondly it would be highly unlikely for anyone to mention the outline of my bag. Thirdly, so what, in the very unlikely event that they did? What difference would it make? The answer is zero.
I still get to wear nice clothes and do nice things. Because I have a bag for pooping in. It’s a complete irrelevance to my actual day to day life.
In all honesty, I only remember I have one, when I’m changing it or when I’m writing about it. Other than that it’s just part of my life, but not the epicentre of it. I am incredibly fortunate, I never take that for granted.
I can’t tell anyone how to feel about having a stoma. It really comes from within. But I can tell you that no one should ever be unkind or rude to you about having one.
…that would be a huge red flag. And I suspect they are a deeply flawed, desperately sad individual - who should be avoided at all costs.
I’m so lucky that I’ve only come across maybe, two nasty people who have said things, in 13 years of stoma owning. Both were on Instagram, and I merely blocked them and moved on, I mean obviously I told them to go **** themselves before the blocking thing, but that was just for my own personal satisfaction, and then I blocked them and moved on.
The only person I need to impress when I’m dressing is me. :)
Life is so short, so precious, we shouldn’t waste a minute on worthless people. Xx
Keep well, see you soon x