I’ve been a busy little bee, which has been really fulfilling.
I attended a menopause clinic round table session on Saturday that my darling friend was running. It was wonderful to meet so many incredible, knowledgeable women.
I’m very passionate about women getting the right advice, support and treatment for their personal menopause journey.
I had a surgical menopause. I assumed I’d have an easier ride through it than most because everyone in my care team knew what my body had been through, but that’s not what happened.
I was 36 years old I was diagnosed with stage three colorectal cancer.
My treatment plan was chemotherapy, radiotherapy and surgery to remove the tumour, and at the same time to add in a colostomy, AND at the same time the removal of my ovaries.
The intention was to remove my womb too, but unfortunately for the surgical team I haemorrhaged and they had to battle to save me, so the full intended treatment wasn’t possible.
This in turn left me in a tricky position.
I have no ovaries - the things that do all the work. But I was left with a radiation damaged womb, which does none of the work.
From the age of 36 I struggled…not with my stoma….weirdly, I prefer it to the old fashioned plumbing.
But I struggled with my perception of womanhood, the loss of my ovaries hit me hard. I also had a terrible time physically with a very instant menopause, my hormone levels went haywire in the weeks leading up to surgery due to the damage done by radiotherapy, and then followed up with the instant menopause in the one day due to the surgery.
It was only after I went back to my bowel cancer surgeon for my 6 week check up that I found out that doctors don’t know everything. It had never occurred to me before. He knew the bit he specialised in (thankfully) but nothing of hormones and the treatment thereof (unfortunately).
It was then I was referred to a gynaecologist.
I felt I would/should be in a fairly good position going forward because everything was cut and dried (if you’ll pardon the pun). I should have been simple to treat, because my case was clear, but didn’t turn out that way.
I started a very basic HRT 9 weeks after surgery. I had had the most horrendous 9 weeks up to that point, with night sweats and fatigue, amongst other things, but as I was recovering from a huge operation it was all blurred together.
I didn’t feel fabulous, even when I was recovered from my surgery and cancer treatment, and yet (foolishly) I just got on with it, I didn’t even know that a lot of what I was going through was menopause related.
I knew so very little about menopause, that when new symptoms started I had no clue it was related to the removal of my ovaries.
Because we are all so under educated, most women do not know the many of the signs and symptoms of something that WILL affect us all eventually.
You ask what is menopause to people and they’ll say “your periods stop, and you get hot flushes” and that’s about the extent of the knowledge that’s available.
(This is dangerous territory because it’s harming us, some women are losing their jobs because of brain fog and fatigue. Some women are losing marriages because they become monsters or monstrous to be with. And some women are becoming a shadow of their former self, full of anxiety and unknown sadness.
I understand that some women do not suffer in any way at all through menopause, and I celebrate that for them.
But for those who are suffering I urge you to look into menopause symptoms and treatments, I have a feeling you will find yourself in there).
I still didn’t feel any better some 12 years later on my one tablet a night. I felt less than ~ less than I had been ~ less than I felt I should rightfully be. But spurred on by the evolving menopause movement that had been spreading across all forms of media, including social media, I gleaned more information about menopause and myself.
I went back to my GP to enquire about what I could do differently.
I’m very lucky because I went private for this. Which I appreciate is very fortunate.
One of my main concerns was now recurrent UTIs. I had absolutely no clue this was a menopause issue. I feared I had bladder cancer. I was thoroughly checked and investigated for cancer and given the all clear from it. Thank god.
But life was so frustrating, I ended up with a UTI every time I had sex, every time I went cycling, every time I was dehydrated, actually it got to the point where just existing would mean I got a UTI.
By this time I was now on new oestrogen patches, new progesterone tablets, and Vagifem pessaries, fortunately in general I felt a lot better…but it still wasn’t plain sailing - The UTIs still remained.
Psychologically I had some ups and some very big downs, I can assure you that if you assume you’ll be left with a UTI from having sex, it doesn’t make the idea very appealing.
And then I saw a post on Dr. Louise Newson’s Instagram account about vaginal pessaries that could help with vaginal dysfunction due to menopause symptoms (including UTIs).
I commented that I was on Vagifem but they weren’t working for me, and that I felt like I was failing as a woman because I couldn’t live a full life.
It was this comment that attracted similar reactions, but there was a comment under mine from a woman in America who had had the same issue as me, and Vagifem hadn’t worked for her either, so she had started on a new pessary called Intrarosa, which had worked wonders for her.
(I thank this earth angel from the bottom of my heart).
So off I go back to my private GP to see if I could give it a whirl. She hadn’t actually heard of it but looked it up and agreed to prescribe it for me. Ladies and gentlemen, but mainly ladies, it is a medical marvel! I haven’t had a UTI in over a year. And for that I am truly grateful.
Unfortunately for me I then started bleeding profusely from my broken womb. The womb lining had become very thick and I was then being tested again for, yeah, you guessed it - CANCER.
The stress of thinking I might have another encounter with cancer sends me spiralling into despair.
In March 2022 I had biopsies and further investigation, where I had to have a womb ablation for the build up in the womb lining, at which point I agreed to have a Mirena coil inserted, not for contraception purposes, obviously with no ovaries you don’t need that. But the Mirena coil is directly delivered progesterone, and as part of HRT treatment it is incredibly beneficial.
The bleeding stopped after that, and I was so grateful. Five months of continuous heavy bleeding left me with low iron and feeling feeble (I am anything but feeble in real life when things are going well I am a Rottweiler).
But I still didn’t feel the way I felt I wanted, so a few weeks after the procedure I went back to the gynaecologist/surgeon to ask if there was anything else that could help me feel less like the damp lettuce I had become.
And that’s when I found the final piece of the puzzle.
My body is brought to you today by;
Evorel patches
Mirena coil
Intrarosa pesseries…
…AND
Testosterone!
I finally feel like the fearless woman I knew I could and should be!
I feel incredible, invincible, capable and horny as hell. :)
*Testosterone isn’t licensed for women in the UK (more anti women bullshittery brought to you by a flawed system). But it’s perfectly safe, and it is possible to get it prescribed, you just need to firstly find a good doctor and secondly have tried everything else possible).
Some women manage their menopause symptoms with diet and exercise, some with natural supplements, some need nothing at all.
*Some women don’t need anything to feel mentally or physically well, but even to those women I’d say do some research, because HRT can help with the prevention of aging disease and conditions like osteoporosis and heart disease, and possibly even Alzheimer’s.
Which believe me, it’s going to be no joke to get to that point and find out there was something available that could have helped prevent it way back when your oestrogen levels were falling.
We are all so different. But exploring possibilities should be accessible, acceptable and more importantly - normal.
But the most important thing is choice. Freedom to choose for ourselves based on the knowledge we have.
Knowledge is power.
My hope is that for women in the future facing the challenges of menopause get an easier journey through it.
I have the details of my wonderful friend Dr Dupé Akomolafe, who ran the menopause round table session I attended at the weekend, if anyone would like them.
She knows the importance of listening to patients going through peri/post menopause. Being heard is half the battle won!
She works from Christchurch Clinic in Braintree Essex.
I am aware that some people believe that HRT raises the risk, or causes cancer. Firstly HRT isn’t one thing, it’s a multitude of different treatments, so while some might not be beneficial to those with medical or clinical issues, some other options might be. Plus the study which famously showed there was a raised risk of cancer was flawed to start with.
It’s worth looking into.
Saturday’s menopause session was fabulous! I’d recommend attending when the next one comes around.
All women, of all ages should know more about menopause. Xx
*************
Other than attending a few exciting things I’ve just been enjoying my normal life. Plodding along living and loving it.
I’ve dressed up, I’ve dressed down, I’ve done exactly as I please…and I think this is the key to happiness.
I have never botoxed or filled anything, and the only plastic on me is my colostomy bag, but being happy and content shines out of you like sunbeams more than anything else you can do.
Do more of what makes you happy.
I also believe that one of the reasons I don’t struggle with my stoma is that mine is incredibly well behaved, and I still get to dress well (which is something I thought was going to be over).
I enjoy putting outfits together. I like dressing up, I like slobbing about in trackie bottoms and hoodies. I dress in whatever way I feel like.
I dress for me.
Top from M&S, Jeans from Tesco, Boots from Gucci.
Dress from The White Company, Boots from Karl Largerfeld, Bag from Goyard.
Blouse from Gap, Jeans from Tesco, Shoes from Russell and Bromley
Bag Bitch sweatshirt from Stoma Babe Store on insta, Cycling shorts from Boohoo
Jumper from DKNY, Joggers from Topshop, Bed socks from The White Company, Shoes from Gucci…
…yeah I wore my bed socks out and about, woah, such a rebel hahaha. But I wore them because it made me happy to have cosy feet and I didn’t give a sh*t what they looked like.
Even down to the tiniest thing, do what makes you happy, and do it with confidence. :)
I very rarely think to buy anything to feed us with for the weekend, we’re hardly ever home, and I pretty much forget that being a housewife means the responsibility for the house is actually mine.
But this time I did. I went to the butchers and stood in line for 40 minutes (it’s the best butchers for miles, so it’s always busy, but worth the wait), I went to the supermarket and bought the veg etc etc, I felt like a proper 1950s home maker.
And then Chris got home Friday night and said “do you fancy Sunday lunch up at the polo club restaurant?” And I said “**** yeah!!”
Do what makes you happy, that’s what freezers were invented for. ;)
Top from M&S, Jumper from DKNY, Leggings from River Island, Boots from Penelope Chilvers.
It was pissing down by the time we arrived and I feel I managed to look effortlessly chic…
The food at 5th Sin Restaurant at Silver Leys polo club is incredible!…and open to the public.
The fabulous Lizzy served the best roast potatoes I’ve had in years, bar none.
My veggie roast was delicious.
As was Chris’s meat roast…
Full to the brim we came home and slobbed out on the sofa and watched cheesy Christmas films, because that’s totally normal before Halloween has even been and gone right…right?
*If you enjoy a Hallmark Christmas movie, give “Something from Tiffany’s”. It’s on Amazon, yes, Amazon has entered the cheesy Christmas arena. :)
It was the most perfect weekend.
Then we come to Monday, Monday was a very exciting day.
A couple of weeks ago I was contacted via Instagram direct messages by a producer on Channel 4s ‘Stand Up 2 Cancer’ programme.
Obviously having been blackmailed via Instagram a few months ago I was a little cautious. But I did a bit of Googling and he was indeed who he said he was.
So I agreed to be a part of the event that will be aired this Friday on Channel 4.
All I needed to do was simply to take a photo of myself with a sign saying what cancer I’d had and how long since diagnosis. Easy peasy, no problem at all.
I asked my eldest son, Sam to take part too, as he is a fellow cancer survivor.
(He was 13 when he was diagnosed with stage 3 nasopharyngeal cancer).
It’s such an important and powerful message to reassure people that cancer doesn’t always mean death. Survival rates are still not perfect but they are rising.
Seeing survivors gives hope.
I know when Sam and I were in treatment for cancer (part of which was at the same time as each other, because I was diagnosed 6 months after him), we found a lot of people we spoke to felt a need to say “oh my friend/mum/dad/aunt/uncle/grandma/grandpa/second cousin 3 times removed died of that!”
And I’ve got to be honest, it’s fucking annoying, incredibly inappropriate and insensitive to say so to the person in treatment for it.
I didn’t want to hear it, who would whilst going through the worst time of your lives??
I get people die of cancer, but relaying that to someone who has cancer isn’t helpful. It isn’t showing solidarity, it’s simply compounding the fear that is already invading their overloaded headspace.
I can say hand on heart I would have very much preferred not hear to about dead relatives at that time, although I have every sympathy for their loss.
I only wanted positive thoughts and encouraging positive experiences.
Stand Up 2 Cancer is a fund raising event for Cancer Research, it will have some incredibly powerful but tough to watch stories, which are very important.
But I’m very happy to be a part of this section of the evening’s show that is focused on survival.
Anyway Sam and I sent over our photos, and I thought no more of it, but then the chap contacted me to say they’ve had a rethink and would like some live action footage of survivors, and would I be interested in going up to St Pancras Station in London to do some filming.
Well, I tend to say yes to everything where cancer is concerned, I feel it’s only right due to surviving something so many others haven’t.
So up I went Monday to be filmed.
I think we can safely say Hollywood stardom does not beckon me. I was absolutely awful at it!!
I didn’t even have any lines to say, I only had to hold a sign while the camera rolled. But apparently I am incapable of doing so. I couldn’t seem to hold focus on the camera lense. There was so much going on around me on the busy station platform that my eyes kept looking anywhere but the camera.
So maybe they’ll use the footage of me, maybe they won’t. But at least I had the experience and more importantly I met some incredible fellow cancer survivors, all of whom were inspiring.
We are still here, we are surviving, and thriving, and there is hope.
These were the photos Sam and I sent in. So look out for us on Friday night. :)
And this is the outfit I had on for filming on Monday…
Grey jumper dress from Ralph Lauren, Boots from Hobbs.
I had my hair done after I took these photos in the morning.
I was already booked in for my regular hair appointment that morning, before I found out about the filming in London. But my darling friend Jess (my wonderful hairdresser) fitted me in extra early, so I could get to London in time for filming.
Hair cut and coloured I was on my way. :)
Two things happened that day that struck me as funny.
Although the first bit isn’t funny, it’s very very sad. I got to my local station only to find the trains were cancelled due to someone being hit by a train. Which is incredibly sad. And my thoughts are with them.
Anyway, I called a cab company to come and get me to take me to a different station in the next town along, which uses a different track to get to London.
I was standing there waiting when a man approached me to ask if was I going to Witham station, I said yes I am, and he said “would you take my family with you as they have to get to Gatwick to catch a flight”
I said of course, I’m going there anyway, no problem, the more the merrier.
So we did.
Once we got to Witham I thought about splitting the cost of the journey with them, then I thought that seemed kind of mean spirited because I was going there anyway. So I paid for all it myself and went on my way. I really felt I’d done my good deed for the day (I appreciate it’s only a sort of good deed, because of the whole it was going to cost me £20 no matter how many people were in the car). But it felt nice anyway, that’s the main thing.
I thankfully got to St Pancras station early. I like to be on time, but I can’t do that, so early is my preferred option. I sat myself down at the meeting point - A restaurant in the station, where the tables open onto the walkway.
I was sitting minding my own business when a lady approached me, she didn’t look in a great condition bless her and she said “can you help me?”
I said of course, I’d do what I can, what did she need? She said “I need money for a shelter tonight, I’m trying to get enough to stay there, do you have any money to spare, I know it’s a lot to ask”
Now I knew at this point in time I had one £10 note on me. And I also knew that I had forgotten to bring my bank cards and was relying on my phone to Applepay for everything.
So I said “yes, hold on” whilst I routed round my bag for said £10 note.
I handed it over to her, she then instantly replied “thanks, have you got any more because I need £20?”
I looked at her, a little taken aback and said;
“Christ love, that’s every single penny I have on me, with no bank cards with me to get anymore money out, so if my phone dies I’ll be bunking with you at the hostel!”
We both laughed. She thanked me again, and went on her way. Hopefully she managed to get into the shelter.
I have no problem giving money to homeless people, I donate to homeless charities. I very much support and donate to the Emmaus community in Cambridge
I have no objection or opinion on what the money I give to a homeless person is spent on. It’s none of my business.
Indeed, if I were homeless myself you can bet your bottom dollar I’d rather do that numbed by drugs and alcohol…wouldn’t you?
But I did think it was a bit much to ask for £20 after I’d given my last penny.
There is no such thing as a selfless good deed, and Monday proved it. ;)
Keep well, stay safe, be aware of your body and hormones… And watch out for me and Sam on Friday night on the off chance they use our content. Xx
It might be an idea to print this out and fill it in when you’re ready to go to the GP for any menopause advice. Xx
Following Dr Newson on social media is very informative too.