I wasn’t sure I was going to write a blog this week. I feel so overwhelmed by sadness for the state of the world.
On top of everything everyone went through with covid, and then horrors of Afghanistan being lost to the Taliban again, we now have an even bigger threat on our doorstep.
So to the people of Ukraine 🇺🇦 we hear you and see you.
Most people I know have wanted to help you and donated to many and various causes. You are not alone.
Your country is run by the greatest president, and government, the world has ever seen. I think most of us are in awe. We are all holding our breath, hoping that he and all of you survive this.
(Your president is fighting on the front line. In comparison our Prime Minister hid in a walk-in fridge when confronted by a reporter from GMTV. You couldn’t make it up).
At first I panicked for my friends in Poland too. Our friend there is like a daughter to us. She is family. If that maniac decided to take Ukraine where would he stop?
But that panic has subsided a bit and now we are focused on getting help to the Ukrainian people.
Also, to the good people of Russia, you have been incredible. I wish I could say I’d have been as brave as you to go out on the streets and protest this unjust war. But I don’t think I am. You are so brave. That is true bravery. You had a choice, but you went out and risked harm anyway.
I have Russian friends that I love to bits. And although Russians in general might not be the smiley-est nation in the world, they are good, decent people, their leaders are not representative.
What an absolute fucking mess and waste of time and lives. Causing so much harm to innocent people. For what?
Really? For what?
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Friday last week I was at a very low point for me personally. It was an unashamedly tearful day.
I finally totted up all the times I had noted when I was bleeding (remember I shouldn’t be bleeding at all as I had a double oophorectomy (ovaries removed) in my cancer removal/stoma op. Mine is solely caused by HRT having some sort of hissy fit).
Basically since October I have bled every ten days. So ten days off, then 7 days on. And to top it off it’s the heaviest bleeding I’ve ever had in my life. My actual egg filled, fertile periods were very light.
So after 11 years of no bleeding to be in this position now is daunting, distressing and frustrating.
As I sat, tears streaming down my face I thought ‘I wonder if you can get low iron due to womb bleeding’ (it honestly never occurred to me that it could, I just thought it was different to a wound bleeding).
Well would you believe it, it actually can!
So I put myself on iron tablets and gave myself a good talking to! (Yep, toxic positivity in full swing).
I’m not someone that feels sorry for themselves. I usually use the blips to propel me - onwards and upwards, always forwards, don’t look back.
I use gratitude to push me on. But even I couldn’t push through how low low iron makes you feel.
Now with iron deficiency, as well as B12 deficiency I felt delightful. Then add to that the world being on fire, it’s quite the combination.
I know what’s what now. So I can finally pick myself up. My amazing gynaecologist from 12 years ago retired last year. But, and this is a bit spooky, he’s come out of retirement - just when I need him the most! :)
I had a call with him yesterday and I’m booked in for a womb ablation and a Mirena coil next Thursday. Which should stop all the bleeding for good.
At the end of the call he said “I think we’d better get your iron levels checked”. I explained that I had this realisation on Friday and had started taking iron tablets. He gave me full marks and a gold star for being so wise and intuitive. :)
I didn’t bother mentioning that it’s taken me four months of feeling sub human to realise I needed a bit of a boost. I’ll just take the praise. ;)
I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere. I finally think this little blip is over, or will be very soon.
Even on Friday I found a positive in this situation. Firstly, it could always be worse, it’s worth remembering, even if it doesn’t help the situation you are in.
I’m incredibly lucky that I know what’s causing my issues.
Some women can feel isolated, depressed and feel like they are losing their minds because they don’t know anything really about Peri menopause and menopause, and how it can affect them.
We are all pretty under prepared and under informed on a subject that WILL affect 100% of 50% of the population directly. And will affect the rest indirectly.
So yes, I am grateful that I know what’s going on. I now feel calmer that it can be fixed. I am very very hopeful. My gynaecologist is very confident too. And it’s very reassuring. I feel pretty lucky that he came out of retirement just at the right time for me. :)
He says I’ll be recovered enough for our big trip to Iceland and NYC. Which is fantastic as I didn’t fancy going away in the state I was in.
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I didn’t really bother to get dressed much last week. I couldn’t find the energy to go anywhere or see anyone.
But Saturday we headed to London to drop some shoes off for repair and a clean to Selfridges. We’d noticed a little pop up shop in there a few weeks ago.
Going into London gave me a reason to get up and dressed. Shoes dropped off we headed over to Harvey Nics for a curry with friends at Madhus Brassiere.
If ever there was a reason to get dressed it is for curry with James and Tanya. :)
Top from Ralph Lauren, Fake Shirt from Dorothy Perkins (yep, it’s very old), Trousers from Next, Shoes and Bag from Gucci
After lunch we had a mooch round the shops. And then headed to The Cadogan Hotel just round the corner. For cheese board, apple tartin and drinks.
We really like multi destination eating days.
A few times we’ve had lunch and then dessert elsewhere. But I was feeling in the mood for savoury, but then James added apple tart on, so it would’ve been rude not to partake. ;)
A little history lesson: The Cadogan hotel is where Oscar Wilde was arrested…for the crime of just being himself. At least we have moved on slightly in the world, even if not enough.
It was a gloriously sunny day. Which again, does tend to make getting up and going out all the more attractive.
Then Sunday came, it was equally glorious as the day before, but this day was extra special.
Chris, Ben, Kaitlyn and I headed off to Hampshire for Zak’s 3rd birthday lunch!
Yes, that gorgeous, hilarious grandson of ours was turning THREE!
We headed to Milly and Sam’s house for a bit of a play and present opening.
Then all headed to the restaurant for Zak’s birthday meal.
It was such a lovely restaurant. Milly and Sam hadn’t been there before but it was such a great choice, and not far from their house, so I’m sure we’ll be going back there again.
Eating out, actually, come to that - eating in, is always easier in loose fitting clothes. Dresses are my preference.
I have a couple of skirts but often my output can show more in a skirt.
Dresses are my number one go to for socialising where food is involved.
It just takes a lot of the fear and trepidation out of an event.
It is possible to eat and wear trousers. But the risk of a leak or pancaking can increase. And to be honest, who can be bothered with the potential agro of a bag change, when a dress almost certainly reduces the risk to zero.
I think in all my years of stoma-ing I’ve only leaked once whilst wearing a dress.
To be absolutely honest, I’ve only leaked about a handful of times whilst wearing trousers. It’s not something that affects colostomy users as much as ilesostomy users (well, this colostomy user in any rate. I have a low down colostomy. My output is almost identical to that of a bum user…oh! Oh well, you know what I mean!)
So although it’s a rare occasion for a leak to occur it’s still my preference to not push my luck.
If I wear a dress and it still leaks, well, I did everything I could, I tried my best, it is what it is. What ya gonna do! ;)
Sitting home, away from the world is NOT an option for me.
Dress from Ralph Lauren, Bag and Strap from Christian Dior, Boots from Gucci.
For reasons unclear I chose a virgin pina colada to drink, which though delicious, it didn’t really sit well with the roast dinner I’d chosen for lunch. I would say you live and learn, but it’s pretty clear that I don’t. ;)
Painting by Alice Master’s Art.
Happy birthday Zak! I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone.
The world became a better place three years ago. :)
Monday came round all too quickly. I had to pop to work to get photos for the launch of our new season. If you’re in the Colchester area pop in to Neptune to take a sneak peek.
The sun was still shining and I felt in the mood for creating something.
Now, I’m capable of making an acceptable Christmas door wreath, but not much else. Not sure if table scaping classes as a craft?
But a couple of years ago I saw a beautiful mini garden created from a bowl we sell at work. A bowl I happen to have at home.
So I took myself off to the floristry wholesalers near Neptune in Colchester and gave it a go. It’s pretty easy…it must be if I can do it.
Here is a photo step by step guide to distracting your mind from the world outside.
Definitely recommend it if you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed.
Just to clarify, I used decorative moss - not broccoli, as some have suggested. I know I can be slightly odd, but even I’m not at the point of decorative broccoli!
Clumsy? Me? Clumsy doesn’t even come close to describing it. Hahahah.
*If you’d like to help the Ukrainian people Google charities near you.
I noticed my local Polish shop was taking donations. So I bought supplies and took it all to them.
Next on my list to donate to is World Central Kitchen as I have seen their good works on the ground on the Polish border via Twitter.
But helping in any way will make a difference.
Side note: it’s not The Ukraine it’s simply - Ukraine. 🇺🇦
And many Ukrainians on Twitter are asking that we start using the Ukrainian city name of Kyiv (pronounced Keev).
Absolutely the least we can do. xx