I bring glad tidings of our comfort and joy… :)
It’s a long story, so settle in…in July we discovered our eldest son Sam was deeply distressed and suffering from some sort of health issues.
He hadn’t mentioned how unwell he felt, I have no idea why, I doubt he does too. But fear of the unknown comes into play, and for him, having been diagnosed with stage 3 cancer when he was 13, fear of the known definitely comes looming in.
We are incredibly lucky because we have private health insurance.
(Our beloved NHS has been deliberately underfunded for the last 12 years, it’s now at breaking point. I feel so sorry for the incredible staff still working there trying to do their best. They are real life super heroes!!)
Anyway, the private sector isn’t like it used to be, due to the sheer volume of people using it because of the waits on the NHS.
We have had a nightmare with waiting to get Sam seen, and more importantly, getting the biopsy results back from overwhelmed labs.
But, after 5 months of torturous agony we have the final piece of the puzzle. And it’s fantastic news!!
It's a benign tumour in Sam's stomach!! I have no words. Literally feels surreal right now.
We pretty much had prepared ourselves for the worst. It's been a hellish few months.
Plus the good news kept coming, as the surgeon told Sam that he doesn't in fact have Crohn's disease. He has revised his initial diagnosis from a few weeks ago.
All his issues are being caused by the stomach tumour. The stomach thinks there is food in there because it's sensing the lump. It then produces acid to digest food which isn't there.
Sam can’t eat because of the stomach pain, so the acid is trying to digest the stomach itself.
Which is why Sam is in so much pain, and why he has all the ulcers they found. He had two partially ruptured ulcers that needed stitching shut, and 3 ulcers that needed cauterising.
…And the acid from the stomach had overly leaked into the bowel, which is why it was so inflamed.
There's some medication that might be able to shrink the benign tumour, and if that doesn't work he can easily have it removed in an operation.
Hallel-fucking-ujah!!…and
And Merry Christmas!!
The wait for biopsy results was bad enough, but was made even worse by the nurse at the vaccine centre asking Sam if he'd started the chemotherapy yet.
At the time we thought she had read something on her screen and we were so traumatised.
Now we have no idea why she would say such a thing?
Words can wound, so they are best used wisely.
We are so so happy, and feel very blessed and grateful that he has had a good outcome. He’s still poorly but he’s well/ill rather than the horrific alternatives.
It’s been a shit year health wise, I spent the first four months profusely bleeding from my broken womb, causing low iron and cancer like symptoms. I finally got that resolved with the ablation and biopsy results from that in March.
For us then to get back on the rollercoaster with Sam being unwell from July.
*We have had an amazing time this year, within the back drop of misery, and possible shit hitting the fan looming any second.
We have been to amazing places and had incredible experiences. In spite and despite what else was going on.
We were literally making hay while the sun shines. If two cancer diagnosis in 6 months, twelve years ago, taught us anything it was to make the most of the good days.
And that’s exactly what we did this year.
Some of our adventures were probably due to the desperate stress we were going through.
Things can’t make you happy, travel can’t make you happy…but things and travel alike can distract your mind, and I’m all for shiny distractions to fill the void left by fear.
I don’t think we’d have flitted off to Lithuania had it not been for Sam’s wait for his biopsy results.
The hell of the waiting really does make us think “f*ck it!”.
I’ve never really like the term bucket list, it’s so depressing…but I live by a “f*ck it!” list!
“Shall we have another slice of cake?”
“Yeah, f*ck it, why not!?”
“Shall we visit an Eastern European country on high alert over tensions in the Baltic?!”
“F*ck, why not?”
*apply as liberally as needed to every situation you find yourself in and you can’t go wrong…
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Well, the Christmas countdown has started for real now.
What with week before last’s visit to Kew for the lights, and then last Friday trip on the Belmond Pullman train it now really feels like Christmas!
(It feels like all our Christmases have come at once with the relief of knowing Sam can be made better).
The Belmond Pullman train trips are one of the loveliest things you can do. They are a bit magical really, a bit grown up - real life Harry Potter sort of magic.
It’s like stepping back in time, but in luxury.
Which is a joy, because if I had really been born back then I wouldn’t have been travelling like that. I was a Nanny by trade in this life, so we can probably assume I wouldn’t have been anything above scullery maid back then.
So it’s a treat to step out of reality for the day and enjoy the wonder of a by gone age.
Anything the Belmond group put their minds to is incredible.
If you don’t know much about the trains, they are worth a Googling.
If you book a trip on the Orient Express from London to any of their destinations, you will get on the Belmond British Pullman train at Victoria, for the English leg of the trip.
You then get off, get on the channel tunnel train to France, and it’s in France you will board the Orient Express train.
It’s a trip I’d love to do, but as I need to wee about 4 times a night it’s not something I’ll ever be able to, as there are no en-suite rooms on board.
And as soon as you tell me a toilet isn’t readily available I know I will be awake thinking I probably need to go.
Name dropping here, but The great Margot Robbie was on board the train, the week before our trip, she and her husband were off to Venice or somewhere equally as gorgeous.
The train does tend to attract people in a later stage of life, so she was having a fine time, surrounded by and chatting with, people who didn’t have a clue who she was.
(Clearly no Neighbours fans amongst them!).
So it’s a fancy train, and it’s Christmas…sparkles at the ready!
I bought this dress a few weeks back. I really loved it but then remembered I hate parties and have no where to wear it, but it couldn’t have been more perfect for the day.
(It’s a long day out so I pack a bag of emergency stoma supplies, as if I’d let a thing like a bag leak let me down!
I feel sort of comfortable enough on there that I could change my bag should a leak happen. But I do take way more bag bin sacks for disposing a bag were I need to change it. I’m talking wrapping it in at least 10 nappy sacks. Plus I take the Ostomy room spray for clearing the air, plus a bottle of perfume to spray after the room spray… and thankfully the windows open in the loos!)
Am I overthinking a leak? Well yeah, it’s poo, literally escaped poo, so I imagine so. I over think the mundanity of life, so you can bet I’ll overthink warding off embarrassment.
I can, hand on heart honestly say having my stoma doesn’t bother me day to day, and in fact I prefer it to the old fashioned muggle plumbing others have, I’m not immune to the breath taking embarrassment of smelling.
I’m fortunate, because it’s a very rare occurrence for me. But it has happened before, so I’m always on heightened alert for it.
Dress from Michael Kors, Cape from Burberry, Boots from LK Bennett
I feel very lucky that Chris takes me out on days like this. It’s not the sort of thing that would have cropped up in my career…a short lived career though it was - trained for it for two years - was a Nanny for 5 years - retired from that to be a mummy - retired from that to be…???…available for trips out on the Belmond trains! :)
Anyway, Friday on the train we took some clients, and it was a breath of fresh air. I think it helped that we had the good news about Sam the day before, but the couple we took out were absolutely wonderful.
I have never felt more instantly comfortable and relaxed as with Anne and her husband Carl. I’m not always great at meeting new people. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.
Plus I can get a bit overwhelmed and insecure. But Friday was amazing, firstly it felt like we’d known them years.
They are so warm, funny and fun. It was an absolute treat of a day. My cheeks were aching from laughing. Always a sign of a good day out.
It was a first for us that it was the lady of the couple that is Chris’s client. Christ - How very modern, it’s only been 25 years in the making, but that’s construction for you.
Anne arrived in a full length sparkly gown, so obviously I adore her!
Fuck it! It’s Christmas, full day time sparkles are not just necessary, but absolutely essential. :)
We are of a similar age, both have similar age children. Anne is a career woman and I am not.
But we’re both confident and comfortable in our choices, and that is the key to happiness.
Content in their choices people - are happy people.
It’s such a great day, and it’s nice to know that it never fails to dazzle. One of our clients once said it was the best day out being entertained they’d ever had. Which is a joy to hear as we absolutely love it too.
The Christmas train is amazing, a grown up version of the Polar Express experience, just with champagne, a three course meal and a cheese board.
You know you’ve had a great outing if it passes in a flash. I was so sad the day came to an end, but I know we’ll definitely be going back out with them again. If you find people with good energy keep hold of them. :)
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A Friday day time out means the weekend feels luxuriously long.
Saturday I sloughed about and did very little. We popped out to do a bit of Christmas shopping.
Chris gave up and went home, I persevered and ended up buying myself three coats, so happy Christmas me! ;)
If I ever completed one of those Strength Finder tests mine would come back with high levels of ability in shopping, and selfishness, and complete self awareness Hahaha
This isn’t a dress rehearsal people, this is it as far as I know. Live this one well and you’ll regret nothing.
I bought a few presents too. I’m not completely awful. ;)
It was back home to explain exactly how I managed to buy myself three coats. Not as easy as you’d think as it happens. ;)
We then watched a shit Christmas film, because it is shit Christmas film season. Although I do believe nothing can beat the new Lynsey Lohan film, ‘Falling for Christmas’. It’s the worst film I think you’ll see this year, and I thoroughly recommend it! ;)
We watched ‘Your Christmas or mine’ Saturday night, which is saccharine sweet, utter drivel and a total delight!
Another terrible must see!
Jumper from Zara, Jeans from Next
Weirdly, dressing down is dressing up for me. My go to daily wear are dresses, so jeans feel very unusual. Jeans are my nemesis, so I wear them with caution and great care. Anything tight can cause a bag leak. But if I’m not going too far, or if I have the car near by, in case a bag change is needed I will risk them.
I was only going to a nearby shopping centre, so I wasn’t too bothered about leaks, and judging by some of the farty smells in some of the shops I went in, nor are the bottomed!
Never beat yourself up about the fear of bag smells. In fact the bagged smell far less than the non bagged - not that they think that. We tend to be the spiteful punchline in many a poo/colostomy based joke. There is a misconception that people with stomas smell. And in general we absolutely do not, and only do if the bag malfunctions or we are changing it. Other than that we are fresh as a daisy. :)
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Sunday was a big day! The best most Christmassy day.
I was so excited for our visit to Angelsey Abbey. We went there just after Christmas last year and I felt overcome with joy, at how it made me feel. So safe, and calm, like nothing bad could touch you here, and I especially felt it this visit.
I came home last year and set about recreating it at home for this Christmas. I scoured eBay and Etsy, and stole some vintage baubles from my mum.
Being back at the Abbey set me off again. There were tears, lots of them. This year has been a real test of us. It’s pushed us to, and probably over the limits of what is bearable to endure. We finally had Sam’s biopsy results and finally feel free and safe, and more than anything - grateful.
Well all that emotion came flooding out at the Abbey, with their twinkling coloured lights.
To top it off there was a brass band playing carols…cue sobbing again.
It was quite a day.
We then went for Christmas dinner at a restaurant Chris found. The man is a f****** genius!!
He booked us in for the festive menu. I sat and ate a massive pile of sprouts on my dinner. I don’t even like Brussels sprouts, but these were magic sprouts. Oh my God, they were incredible.
They called them dirty sprouts. They were a winning combination of miso, blue cheese and Parmesan. I don’t even like blue cheese either but these were so more-ish.
On my list of best food experiences, they are definitely in the top 3.
Spago - Beverly Hills. Oberoi - Jaipur. And now The Carpenters Arms Great Wilbraham - Cambridgeshire
(I’m very grateful I’m bagged and therefore I wasn’t smelly after the overdose of sprouts…my dining partner? - not bagged unfortunately!) ;)
New coat number 1 from Boss, Jumper from Holland Cooper, Leggings from Tesco. Boots from Russell and Bromley.
From the Abbey it was on to the restaurant Chris booked.
It was such a lovely day. It was the perfect pre Christmas new tradition.
The restaurant was really very busy. Which is a good sign of any eatery, the food was out of this world.
The staff were run off their feet, but were polite and as efficient as they could be.
One old man who clearly felt persecuted for waiting too long to be brought the horseradish sauce he’d asked for, shouted, actually shouted, at a young waitress and reduced her to tears.
I was absolutely livid when I realised he’d made her cry, so I went over and gave her a hug, reassured her she was doing a great job, and told her the old man was a self entitled prick. I don’t care if your 18 or 80 you should treat people how you’d want to be treated.
Admittedly, if restaurants have over booked patrons it isn’t great, but I can assure you the fault doesn’t lie with a 17 year old Saturday girl.
I worked in Topshop when I was a teenager, I can’t tell you how many times people were rude to me, some people can be horrendous to service staff.
If they were rude when requesting a different size, I’d just go out the back, pretend to look, then go back and tell them we didn’t have it in stock.
I can’t say I’m too bothered about losing the delightful Philip Green a sale or two. Hahahahahah
I came home from the day out absolutely elated.
I love my version of the Abbey’s lights. I’m very happy at how mine turned out.
Our final Christmas decoration arrived today. And I am beside myself with joy!!
Meet Chris Junior!!…
Isn’t he sensational!
Never let an overly stressed me near the Costco website whilst waiting for biopsy results! I cannot be trusted! That said, nor can Chris as he’s the one that bought a 5’ 8” illuminated angel…as you do…
:)
I wish you a merry Christmas. I wish you peace, calm, good health and only happy things. Xxx