I read the interview in People magazine with Friends actor, Matthew Perry. It was unfortunate that he was so negative about his stoma. But that said, I get where his mind set is at.
His stoma was temporary - but if he drug relapses he could die, or have a permanent stoma.
To him the thought of it is so unpalatable, it keeps him sober.
I think we'd probably all feel the same way.
His therapist is trying to keep him sober and alive - using the negativity he felt towards his stoma to help achieve it.
I doubt very much the therapist was trying to offend people who need stomas.
But I can see why people with stomas would be hurt, it’s a massive kick in the teeth, but in that moment it wasn’t about us. It was about sobriety.
A very difficult sobriety at that. Matthew Perry has spent approximately 9 million dollars to get clean, many years in and out of rehab, lost many relationships, and a perforated bowel to boot!
Most people I have met who have a stoma had it for either inflammatory bowel diseases or cancer.
There can be a few years, a few months or a few weeks warning that a stoma is necessary.
He didn’t. He had no idea a stoma was looming in his future.
His drug addiction, led his bowel to get constipated, then blocked and then exploded (perforated), in a very small time frame.
At which point he was in a coma, he came round to find the bag.
He knows what led to it. He knows it was drug abuse, he must have so much regret and resentment.
He will know that addiction is an illness, but it’s an illness that we do to ourselves, which makes it all the more painful to have catastrophic knock on effects staring you in the face.
It’s not the same as a physical disease. Someone with cancer, Crohn’s or colitis can’t heal themselves.
In fact the only person that can cure an addict is the addict themself. And that is a tough pill to swallow (if you’ll pardon the pun). ;)
Being an addict is hard. Being injured because of that addiction must be unbelievably traumatic. There is a lot of blame and shame aimed at addicts, it’s a horrible, scary, lonely place to be.
I totally understand his feelings about the stoma he had to have. I would probably feel the same way I’m sure.
My stoma happens to be permanent and I love my life, with it. I live an amazing life! It’s allowed me 12 years so far of being with all the people I love, and freedom to explore the entire world.
But it was very different a situation to Matthew Perry.
He was unconscious when the decision was made for him to save his life.
I too had no choice or options, but I was fully aware of the situation - It was die of cancer or a have permanent colostomy. I chose life. l happen to really love my stoma. I like the ease and convenience. My stoma is a colostomy, so my life with it is very stress free. I actually prefer it to owning a bum hole (but could that just be because I know there is no choice, could it be my brain re-routed itself in joy of survival? Rather than upset about the changes made to my body - Very possibly). But I totally understand why given the choice you'd prefer not to have one.
I totally understand and sympathise if someone doesn’t like their stoma. I think that would feel terrible, and that makes me very sad for them
But I’m not going to criticise anyone who feels that way. In fact, I understand where they’re coming from more than I understand my peace and happiness at having a colostomy.
I'm so happy for him that he's well. I’m so happy that he’s sober.
I cannot be hurt or annoyed by his or his therapist’s words because he didn’t like his stoma. He had it for 10 months, he clearly didn’t feel good about it (I think he possibly had a very high output ilesostomy, even though the publication kept saying colostomy). That’s perfectly reasonable and understandable.
I wish anyone struggling with a stoma of any kind, peace.
It would be nice if he could be thankful the stoma kept him alive, and on some level he probably is, it would be fantastic if the articles written about it didn’t keep slagging stomas off. But with time things might change - on both those scores.
Positivity about stomas is great! I feel very blessed with mine, and so do a lot of the wider stoma community, but I really feel we shouldn’t try and stifle the voices of distress about having a stoma in the name of positivity.
I won’t accept shitty comments and negativity from people who have never had a stoma….they can just fuck right off!
But I will listen, hear, and sympathise with those that struggle with them.
Matthew Perry was fantastic in Friends. He brought a lot of joy to people around the world, myself included.
He was terrible in a stage production I went to see him in in London, dreadful to be honest, God, it was dire.
Two things can be true at once. He was great on TV - but not on stage.
He didn’t like his stoma - and I love mine. :)
I really wish him all the best for his continued sobriety, and the best of health too.
I happen to bloody love my stoma life!
I’ve been everywhere I’ve ever wanted to go, and some that I didn’t but I’m glad I went anyway!
My world is huge now. It’s beautiful. And I feel very lucky and grateful to still have it, and I only do because of a bag of poo attached to my abdomen. :)
We had a pretty full on weekend. Ben is challenging himself to do more exercise. So he signed up for a 10k run in Battersea park, in London, with a friend.
Chris and I went to watch Ben, Max came up to watch his girlfriend Alice, and Ben invited our friends James and Tanya to watch too.
So we made a day of it, and spent the whole day up there.
My mum is from Battersea, she was born and raised there, not the Battersea you see today. My mum described it as a slum when she was little, I doubt she’d even recognise it now.
It was a very very early start for us as the race began at 9.30am.
This means one of two things; get up ridiculously early to wash and blow dry my hair…or stay in bed that little bit longer and tie it back for the day.
It’s the definition of a no brainer! :)
Jumper from Whistles, Jeggings from New Look, Shoes from Gucci, Bag from Goyard.
Ben and Alice did so well on the run, very very respectable times, and the rest of us did amazing spectating! :)
Max and Alice then headed off to play crazy golf somewhere in London, where she found the energy I don’t know.
Chris, Ben, Tanya, James and I headed to the newly converted Battersea Power-station shopping centre.
Ben had a quick freshen up and a change of clothes, and we hit the shops.
It’s an absolutely incredible conversion. If you love architecture it’s well worth a visit.
The shops, well, they’re all much of a muchness these days. I know I sound like an old granny, forgive me, but I am one, so I’m allowed.
But I find no matter where you go in the world all the shops are the same as anywhere else.
I’ve shopped in Zara and Marks and Spencer in Delhi, and Dior in Mumbai. Chanel in Paris, Rome, NYC, Beverly Hills and London.
So if you go to Battersea Power station, expect a mix of all the usual suspects.
I will say the Zara Home there is the biggest one I’ve ever been to, which didn’t help me much as Chris banned me, forbade me in fact to not buy another dinner service. He sounds very controlling until you understand that I have at least 9 different dinner services of varying sizes. I may have a slight issue.
We had a great time. Mainly because we went for lunch in a fantastic Indian restaurant. Cinnamon Kitchen, and what they lacked in customer service they more than made up for with the food. I’d prefer both to be equally good but you can’t have everything I suppose.
It makes me all the more grateful to go to Chutney Mary.
Tanya and I clearly didn’t get the memo about it being a dressing alike day.
Good food, good company. Happy days.
We parked not far from Battersea Park so I knew I wouldn’t need to take many colostomy supplies with me. It really does make life that bit simpler.
We headed over to Harrods - a new foundation for me, new sunnies for Tanya, new shoes for Chris, and a shit ton of Harrods club-card points for me! Very very happy days! :)
Our weekend with James and Tanya didn’t end there. Because we planned to meet the following day at Bicester Village.
We all fancied a little mooch and browse, and maybe a few little treats.
The only concern was when Tanya mentioned she’d only ever been to Bicester village in torrential rain.
Surely she’d get lucky on this visit?…
Top from M&S, Jumper from DKNY, Leggings from River Island, Boots from Tods, Bag from Jimmy Choo
Her luck didn’t change, we had “Tanya goes to Bicester” weather…
…Luckily, skin is waterproof and we’re a tough bunch.
We had such a fantastic day out again. It felt like we’d had a weekend away. Only without the expense of a hotel.
I think it’s safe to say we cleared the stores of anything good.
Good food was eaten again. This time in Farm Shop, as Cafe Wolsey has gone bust, a tragic loss as it was one of my faves.
The chap serving us in Harrods when we were getting Chris’s shoes on Saturday commented on what a happy group we are, he said “you must have a lot of laughter, I can see the love”.
He wasn’t wrong. We have been blessed with amazing friends. I never take it for granted.
We’ve known James over 20 years, and Tanya over 5. Every time we are together I will laugh till my cheeks ache.
I feel very very lucky. Good friends, good food, good bargains. Sundays were made for this.
I saw this cardigan in the Ralph Lauren outlet store near my home a few weeks ago. It was £575 in the outlet!! I absolutely loved the cardi but who the hell is paying £575 in an outlet store??
Anyway, they had 50% off at Bicester so I treated myself.
I also treated myself to the trousers. I don’t own any others like them. And I’m wondering if there’s a reason for that. Not sure if I’ll ever wear them. But good to have them at hand if I fancy it.
Also I think they are meant to be tighter, but as I need room to poo in them I bought the size up and embraced the baggy.
Ben bought a few bits for his flat. I bagged some bargains, as did James and Tanya.
A very successful trip all round really.
I’m planning my Lithuania outfits wardrobe at the moment. Not quite sure what to wear for the weather, but I’m sure I can come up with something.
I’m only planning on taking 1 small suitcase between us, so it’s a bit nerve racking to know if I’ll get enough supplies in it.
I suppose I could do what I did the other day and stuffed my coat pocket fully of stoma spares, rather than take a handbag out with it.
Have a lovely week yourself. xx