What have I been up to? Oh, you know, not much! Hahahaha
…I’ve got to say, I absolutely bloody love my stoma life!
“Why? How? You shit in a bag? How’s that a good thing!?!”
Well, my life is about a million percent bigger, bolder and more importantly, pain free, than it was in the 10 very unpleasant misdiagnosed years.
First and foremost I’m so ridiculously lucky to still be alive. If I’d had the normal cancer someone of that age gets I wouldn’t be.
The only reason I’m still here is because I got an older person cancer, a slower growing, less aggressive type. Ten years of symptoms is not something I’d ever let slide again, and in fairness to me, I didn’t then either.
I went to my GP regularly with the problems I was having, but I was always told (without ever being examined or sent for further tests or checking) that I had IBS and piles.
They weren’t lost or wasted years of course, but pretty close to it. I still managed to get out and about. But it was no where near as busy and vibrant as my life is now.
I had small children back then. I had to get out and about and make their lives enjoyable.
No mater how much pain I was in or how great the fear was that I’d shit myself in public.
That’s what parents do isn’t it, we carry on as normal for the kids.
Had I not had children to think about I don’t think I’d have left the house, apart from to go to work.
As it was I was scared to go to new places that I didn’t have a practiced, safe and speedy route to the toilets mapped out.
We went to theme parks, restaurants, beaches. All of which were known to me, safe spaces.
But it was a much smaller world than they (we) deserved and should have had.
I stopped flying for about 8 years. So high was the anxiety I’d shit myself mid flight I just simply gave up.
So now…now I have the shitting myself part in the bag (oh, yes, pun mostly definitely intended), I’m making up for lost time.
Access to the world is back open to me again and I have fully made the most of it!
So far this year I have been on 20 flights. (Not terribly green of me but I never fly by private jet and never anything above premium economy) (1, because I actually do care about the planet even if it doesn’t look like it. And 2, I’m incredibly tight and couldn’t face the thought of paying as much for the flight as the holiday).
I had assumed my flying was done for the year but we’ve added on another one, (more on that later).
Anyway, Chris and I headed off for our last bit of warm sun for the year.
We went over to our little house in Spain for a break.
We bought it off plan in 1999. I was 26 years old when we bought what is effectively a retirement home. :)
I say break, technically, I went for a break, and Chris worked the entire time we were there.
But working there is still better than working here.
Going for dinner at the marina every night. Drinking 0.0 beer watching the boats, eating delicious food. What more could you ask for.
Morning flight out…
Afternoon at the marina…
…So while Chris worked, I didn’t :)
I manage to occupy myself though. Probably more so because the weather was on my side.
Before we left the UK I checked the weather for Mazarron, it gave it to rain and storm all week. So planned ahead and took plenty of books.
But actually it was for the most part, absolutely glorious. :)
“Can you wear a bikini with a colostomy?”
“errrrr, if you want to, you absolutely can do whatever the **** you like!!” ;)
Do I have the best body in the world? Nope!
But it is the best body I have so I’m going to treasure it, celebrate it and love it for what it has enabled me to do!
Bikini from Playful Promises. Body From excessive cake and chips. ;)
There was a piece on Twitter about whether it was possible to swim with a stoma. And I can tell you now - yes you can!
It’s fantastic exercise. It’s low risk for hernia development too (which are the bane of my life. I have 2).
So many forms of exercise can increase the risk or aggravate an already developed hernia, but swimming is so low impact it’s perfect.
You don’t have to wear a bikini to swim, but just know it’s an option if you want to.
You could wear a bin bag if you wanted. You do you. :)
Just as long as you know you don’t have to wear what others say you should or shouldn’t.
I was trolled (I absolutely hate that word. It makes it sound mischievous and silly. When in fact it’s deeply sinister, definitely disturbed and down right weird to offer unsolicited feedback to strangers on the internet) because I had the temerity to wear a bikini with my bag on show on holiday.
Well, that worked out really well for Tilly the troller didn’t it. I moved on, wearing my bikinis wherever and whenever I choose…She’s probably still home alone looking through hashtags of resorts she can’t afford to go to. Excellent, everyone’s a winner! :)
Dress from Hobbs, Shoes from Gina, Bag from Jimmy Choo
We ate out a lot on holiday. The house does have an oven but I use it to store things in. ;)
I did something I’ve never done before this holiday. I took my sports wear. I assumed the weather was going to be bad so I thought I might as well go for long walks.
As it turns out the weather was fantastic. But I decided to stick with the plan anyway.
I walked to the local shops. Which I’ve always assumed were far too far away to walk it. But as it turns out it’s really not at all. Just seems it because it’s hilly.
There and back was only 8 thousand steps. And what’s more, I really enjoyed it.
Want to get fitter? But have no interest or inclination to go to a gym?
Walk! It’s free and it’s enough to get you on the path to good habits.
Because I was going out walking I ate healthier food in the day times.
I did eat prawns in boiling, bubbling butter with garlic and dunked bread every evening though. But life is all about balance. ;)
I walked around our housing development until Chris reminded me that it was an automatic car and I was insured on it.
So I took myself off to the beach and set out on an epic walk along the coast. I did just over 12 thousand steps.
So, no, not that epic a walk, but it definitely is for me.
It was absolutely amazing!
Loved it.
I walked far. I found bays that I’ve never been to before. I saw places I never knew existed.
I found a bay with a rocky outcrop with a bridge. I had no idea it was there. We’ve had our house 22 years, but we tend to stick with the same beaches if we go to a beach at all.
Back home for a salad lunch, followed by a hot buttery prawn feast for dinner. Balance you see. :)
Dress from Monsoon, Shoes from LK Bennett
I enjoy clothes, I enjoy getting dolled up. I’m constantly surprised by what I am able to wear. I thought, before my operation, I’d be in very baggy clothes, baggy jogging bottoms and oversized T shirts, post op.
Well…not quite! I really didn’t get that bit right at all.
You could wear baggy clothes if you wanted to. But it’s definitely a choice.
If I wanted to I’d wear baggy joggers. But my preference is to dress up, because I like to.
I derive pleasure from putting outfits together. It’s not compulsory for anyone else. It’s certainly not a prerequisite of stoma ownership.
But if you do enjoy clothes, don’t fret, that doesn’t have to stop just because you have a stoma.
Dress from Nobody’s Child
Bikini from Tesco
Top from TK Maxx, Jeggings from Tesco. Shoes from LK Bennett
Top from Ralph Lauren, Jeggings from Tesco, Shoes from Jimmy Choo
Bikini from Tesco
Beach dress from Primark
We love going over. It's a great little house. A real bolt hole. A safe place we can relax and be free.
The kitchen and bathroom aren't great. But I have plans. :)
I eased him in gently to the latest finishing touches. I’ve been saying I need to add ‘finishing touches’ every time we go there for the last 22 years.
We went to IKEA to start with but I couldn't get what I was looking for. Nothing inspired me..
and if Chris tells you I had a melt-down in there
it's lies!! All lies!!
Okay, so I had a little, teeny tiny creative brain blip. But that actually turned out rather well, because as I was exiting the shop - albeit a bit miserable, I remembered there was a Zara Home in the retail park near by.
...genius!
I don't shop in Zara Home in England, as I stick to Neptune in Colchester or online (neptune.com).
But they had exactly what I was after. Beautiful
home wares at a decent price.
Chris accused me of shopping in there like I was
on Supermarket Sweep. He said he expected to see
Dale Winton any minute.
So be it. I man shopped at speed. But I have no regrets.
Oh heaven, rugs, lamps, vases, ornaments…Chris was so happy. (He wasn’t, but I like to think he was deep down. In fairness he does always say he’s glad I’m good at interiors because he’d live in a pit if it wasn’t for me).
Oh I didn’t just stop at the living room too. I completed the bedroom (for now).
We had a fantastic time away.
Then it was back home in the early hours of Saturday for a very big day to come.
Olya and Danil, our guests from Ukraine were moving to a new host.
I booked a car and driver service to take us all to Southampton where the new hosts live. That way, I thought, if our flight home was delayed then it really wouldn’t matter too much to our journey.
We were going to have to hire a car anyway as both of ours would have been too small to take them and all the stuff they have accumulated in the last 4 months here.
And the benefit of the car service was that Chris and I could chill out on the drive too.
Olya and Danil came to live with us under the Home For Ukraine Scheme.
The arrangement at the time was for six months. It was only a few weeks into their stay with us that I found out that there was no onward plan to house them independently.
The government had come up with a plan for the first 6 months, but it fell off a cliff after that point.
I have since learned that I was somewhat foolish to think there would be any plan. We already have thousands and thousands of people who are on the council’s across the country waiting list for housing.
Where exactly did I think this housing stock for the Ukrainian refugees was going to come from?
Basically I didn’t think. I acted with my heart, not my head, as I saw people who were fleeing a brutal war. Had I given it some thought I would have perhaps realised sooner that there was no stage 2.
The only options available are;
1, Once the first six month stay is up, Stay another 6 months with the same host.
(Not an option for us as I only got Chris agree to it to start with because it was ‘only’ for 6 month, which was very generous of him to start with. Plus our family situation has change massively since we became hosts. Not knowing if Sam had cancer or not for weeks on end. Then finding out he has Crohn’s disease and is unwell with that - an unfortunate ongoing issue. Plus all the emotional distress Sam being unwell has brought up. We are not the same family we were 4 months ago. We have nothing spare in the tanks to offer anyone else).
2, to progress to independent living via council owned properties, you make the Ukrainian guests homeless. You pack up their stuff, and take them to the council office with a letter stating that they are now no longer welcome in your home - they are homeless.
3, they return to Ukraine
4, they find a new host willing to take them for the second six month period.
5, …is, if the Ukrainians are independently wealthy enough they might be able to find someone willing to privately rent to them without a guarantor. (‘Might’ being the operative word)
It was all very distressing. The good deed I had set out to do was slowly unraveling to something utterly, desperately wrong.
I wanted to give a safe haven to someone fleeing war in their country. I didn’t want to be a long term housing option.
In my mind, our offer of six months refuge, was just so the government had time to come up with somewhere more permanent for them to stay. At the time I felt we were being more than generous to be part of the scheme for the 6 months (I don’t now. I feel dreadful, that I have let them down in such a big way).
I have been in a state of great anxiety since I found out there was no onward plan.
I explained to Olya that we could still only host them for the agreed 6 months.
This left her in a terrible position.
She had absolutely no wish to go into the emergency housing route via the council.
So she decided instead to go back home. Which she felt would need to get done in the beginning of November, so the weather wouldn’t be too bad for travelling.
I felt absolutely ghastly about it. I didn’t want her to have to go back home. But at the same time I knew we wouldn’t want to host for any longer than first agreed.
I have felt like an utter shit bag of a human since June. It’s weighed very heavily on me.
There of course was the option to find a new host. So that Olya and Danil would avoid having to go home. Which I pursued manically for them as atonement for not being good enough to let them stay longer.
I was really lucky because I found a lady, through a friend of mine, who would take Olya and Danil for the second six months stay, starting in January 23.
I felt so relieved, so happy that a palatable solution had been found. We got chatting and I arranged for the lady to come and meet my guests in person.
For 10 days I felt so relieved. But then the lady’s family circumstances changed and she pulled out.
It was a crushing blow. And we were back to square one.
Olya decided again that going back home was the better option.
But a friend of mine suggested I try and find another sponsor, she put me in touch with a friend of hers who was running a hosting scheme (but it was only for people coming directly over from Ukraine. They had never at this point re homed Ukrainians already here)
I spoke to Olya about it and she agreed there was no harm in trying.
And thankfully a miracle happened! Someone did come forward to offer the second six month stay in the UK.
I got on to corresponding with them straight away, and so too did Olya, and they were able to form a solid friendship. I couldn’t believe how lucky Olya and Danil got. There are very few people coming forward to host now. So it’s absolutely incredible and wonderful that they did.
They’re lovely, absolutely lovely.
I explained to them that Olya’s time with us was up in December, and that we were happy for her to stay until January.
But the couple were keen to get started and invited Olya and Danil to move to them as soon as we could get them there, which was such a great help to us so we can focus on our family.
It’s all rather serendipitous.
It took a few weeks of prep. They needed to be registered with Homes for Ukraine scheme and get their DBS checks done etc etc.
…And Saturday was the big move day.
I’m so happy for many reasons. I’m happy we didn’t have to do the gut turning prospect of making them homeless. I’m so happy Olya doesn’t have to go home while things are still awful there.
I’m so happy that we achieved what we set out to do, which was offer refuge at a time of need.
I’m so so grateful to my friend Jules for putting me in touch with her friend, who in turn found the new hosts for Olya and Danil.
I don’t think it has fully sunk in yet as to how fortuitous that all was.
(I was contacted by Braintree council the other day and again today, to see if I’d take in some Ukrainian people whose first six months with their host was now up.
I believe he said he was looking for new hosts/homes for some 50 people.
The situation is desperate, and only going to get more desperate as time goes on and more 6 month periods with hosts are up.
We have been unbelievably lucky to get in quick and find Olya a new home).
I’m sure she will be very happy with her new home and new host family. They are lovely. Warm, welcoming and friendly, and incredibly kind.
Olya and Danil are a joy to be with. So I know it’s going to be a wonderful match. Xx
Saying goodbye after 4 months of living here was made so much easier knowing they were going to be safe and cared for.
I wore my stretchy trousers for the journey. Nobody wants to arrive, and the first impression they make is a bag leak.
Stretchy is best. For comfort and poo room.
Top from Ralph Lauren. Trousers from Hollister, Shoes and bag from Tods
On the subject of stretchy trousers, I bought some fab Juicy ones in TK Maxx the other day for my travel back from Spain.
They felt sensational on. Like wearing pjs. And who doesn’t want to wear day pyjamas? ;)
Have a great week yourself. Much love xx
*On the way back from dropping Olya and Danil off we got chatting to our driver, Tomas, he’s from Lithuania and he was saying how beautiful it is there. Chris and I started Googling it.
Anyway, long story short. Chris looked up from his phone and said “all booked!”.
So now I’m off to Vilnius in Lithuania for a weekend! Hahahahahah
Life is for living. So let’s go…