I’m going to start this week’s episode of the Life of Suzy with something that I posted on my socials on Monday;
This photo was taken following chemotherapy and radiotherapy and 6 months after my AP resection and oophorectomy (both worth a google if you like that sort of thing).
In that operation I lost 9 pints of blood, both ovaries, some bowel, my rectum & anus.
But what I gained was a greater understanding of life, the universe and everything (near death does wonders for perspective), a colostomy bag and my life back.
I can without a shadow of a doubt, hand on heart say I gained far more than I lost.
To those without stomas, to those facing a stoma, I can honestly state that my life now is far better than it ever was before my operation. Do not be afraid of the unknown, I was and now I know there was no need to be.
I appreciate that it isn’t the case for everyone. But for me this life is soooo much bigger and brighter, and when this plague is over I will be back out in the world visiting new places and having new adventures and you can too. I’m not special, my life isn’t perfect, but it is as perfect and as special as I need it to be, and that’s all that matters.
I’m 10 years on from this photo now, and I still feel as elated to be alive and well as I was back then.
I was quite poorly during my operation, and to be honest that’s probably the best time to be poorly. I didn’t know I’d lost nine pints of blood when I haemorrhaged during a tricky bit, as I was fast asleep, under anaesthetic. I only found out a year or two ago when Chris happened to mention it in passing one day.
I haven’t had any residual upset or worry over it as I didn’t know about it. That worked out rather well, well, not the haemorrhaging bit, that’s less than optimal, but not knowing about it worked out rather well.
My post was designed to let people see that having a stoma is not the end of the world.
I really thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be the end of life as I knew it…and in a weird way it was, but for the exact opposite reasons of why I thought that.
Cancer came along and tried to derail me. But as I found out then, nothing can.
When I heard about the operation I would need and the alterations my body would have to have I thought I’d be some monstrously hideous creature (my imagination ran wild as you can see, I’m possibly a tad extra and over the top with my thought processes).
But actually all it is is a little bag of poop stuck to my abdomen. It’s really not anything at all. I don’t even give it a thought day to day, I promise you.
If you’re heading for a bag, please don’t worry.
Before the op is the worst time because your mind runs wild. But the reality is (not always the case I appreciate) far easier to live with.
Oh, there can be problems, and hiccups along the way. But for the most part they do settle down.
…and you settle down into the swing of things too.
Some people quickly adapt, like me, I literally saw it on the first day I was conscious, loved it and never looked back.
I have a friend who cried every time they thought about it or had to change it for the first 5 months, but are now accepting and thriving with it.
We’re all different, we all have different tolerance levels. But on the whole we all get where we need to be with acceptance and moving on with life.
I can’t explain why I like my new plumbing so much. I think maybe it’s just my brain knew it was permanent, so maybe it thought fretting about it seemed futile. Who knows how my brain processed it. I’m just grateful that it did.
I do happen to like the convenience of stoma life. I change it and go, none of this waiting round till my bottom is ready to perform.
The amount of time I have to wait round for people with old fashioned plumbing before we can get on with the day ahead is exhausting in itself (you know who you are! ;) )
There are upsides and downsides to stoma owning, but never forget there is to anus owning too.
If you remember the pain you might have once been in, or the accidents, stomas don’t seem so bad after all.
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My friend suggested I follow Vogue on Instagram, you get to read all the articles from the magazine, without having to buy it. I’m all for saving money where I can (Chris will probably spit his tea out reading that bit! Hahahahaha).
Anyway, I happened upon a fantastic article. It was about leggings.
I wear them a lot. I find them very easy. But I do worry they’re a bit? What’s the term I’m thinking of? Casual? Scruffy? Not sure what I mean but I don’t usually feel fabulous in them looks wise.
Well this article filled me with hope and confidence.
Then linked to the bottom of the piece is a ‘shop the look’ type thing. They had various price ranges, some rather outlandishly priced for squeezing my rather Botticelli-esque bum into.
As if I’m going to pay £290 for leggings? :o
But they did have a link to some lovely Mint Velvet ones, which were a far more agreeable £19
They’re so cosy. Very comfortable and warm. The quality is great so no see through bit on the bum too.
I was planning on wearing them in Iceland, I was hoping for Iceland the country (we’ve booked it for November) but it’s looking more and more likely the closest we’ll be getting this year is Iceland the supermarket! Hahahahaha.
After nearly 11 months of rampant pandemic, with the highest death rate per million in the world we are finally thinking of closing our borders and using quarantine hotels for all arrivals, you know, like Australia did a year ago. Australia, the country living life to the full, with virtually no virus problems at all.
The holiday to our Spain house is likely off too, And Iceland and NYC trip look very much a shattered dream.
It is disappointing but it is what it is. We have a nice garden so that will have to do again. :)
Resilience is a fantastic tool, I wish they could teach it in schools. It really helps with life’s little bumps.
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I bring glad tidings about my inner ear problems! All my new skills and gadgets have worked a treat. No headaches or face pain for a week. And only a minute bit of vertigo, almost none.
I feel fantastic to be honest. Discovering those new techniques has been life changing. I was very happy to send the video of inner ear exercises to a reader that was suffering similar issues, so hopefully it will work for them too.
For well over 2 months I have been suffering with horrible symptoms. If only I’d thought to Google simple at home remedies before.
I also had my B12 jab the other day so that helps me feel a bit more human again too.
Life is pretty good right now.
With that in mind I got myself all dolled up last week.
It occurred to me I could still maintain comfort but wear something nice. Plus it also occurred to me to wear stuff that doesn’t need ironing and everyone’s a winner. ;)
Dress from Dorothy Perkins. Tights from Tesco, Shoes from Gucci
Get up, get your face on and some nice clothes on and the world just feels like a brighter place. It certainly helped that the sun was shining too.
Get as much of that lovely stuff on your bones as possible (Safely of course).
Vitamin D is definitely a bonus this time of year, in tablet form and, more preferably in sunshine form.
I feel more optimistic, even though we seem to be in the middle of a fire right now. People are dropping like flies all around us, and I mean that literally.
Wishing all our poorly pals a very big get well.
But I am more hopeful we’ll get out of this mess with the vaccine.
That’s something to look forward to. If nothing else at this rate it’ll be a nice day out when we go to get jabbed. Hahahahaha
Someone from my lovely stoma supply company called to get my latest order from me last week, I’m with Amcare, they’re so good. They ring me every month, take my order and get it couriered out to me within about 7-10 days, all free, all of it covered in the NHS. So many things to be grateful for, but that is definitely top 5!
The staff are always so friendly and helpful. She asked if there was anything else she could help me with I asked if there was anything new out.
I like to see what’s new to the market every so often.
When you first get a stoma you get given all sorts of bags and products to try but the further in you get, you tend to stick with the one you like best.
Sometimes though I just like to see what else is out there.
They sent me some new convex bags, similar to ones I’ve had before but with a softer base plate, for better, more comfortable mobility.
The little dip helps prevent pancaking (when the poo builds up behind the adhesive layer and leaks).
It also means they work very well with tighter clothes, because the dip gives you more time.
Sooooo, Saturday was a jeans day. I haven’t had one in so long.
Jumper from Michael Kors, Jeans from Topshop, Boots from Jimmy Choo
I have to be completely honest, jeans aren’t terribly comfortable. Especially as I’ve been living in leggings. But they are great for being able to wear a variety of tops.
I can cope with shorter length tops when I wear jeans.
When I wear leggings, I only wear long tops that cover my bum.
It was so nice to wear something different for a change. The convex bags worked a treat, so I will order myself a box of those next time.
We had such a lovely weekend. It was so chilled. I ordered a surprise for Chris from our local cafe. I
I ordered Chris the ‘do it yourself’ salt beef bagel kit, and I got for us to share the cream tea kit.
It was the perfect lunch to come back to after Chris suggested a walk.
Now that doesn’t sound particularly monumentous to most people, but Chris has disliked walking anywhere since I met him 27 years ago. He has some disc problems in his back and walking makes his back, neck and arms go numb. But he’s been working with a back rehab physiotherapist for a while now and it has been life changing!
He seems freer and brighter in himself. Back pain wears you down. Especially over such a long time.
But there’s life in this old dog yet! He actually volunteered to go for the walk.
Ear muffs from Ugg, Jacket from Belstaff, Jeans from Topshop, trainers from Nike.
I looked an absolute treat! Hahahahaha I needed to keep my ears warm and draft free. I don’t want to go upsetting them again. ;)
We walked far!
We covered 8 and a half miles over the weekend. Now that isn’t much to normal people I’m sure, but it’s just not us. We were shattered. And our bagel and cream tea delivery was just what the doctor ordered!
While we were out it started snowing. As you can imagine I was a very happy bunny. Ok, so it didn’t settle but I just love snow in all it’s forms.
We got home from our Sunday walk exhausted…
…Pretty much the best antidote to sore legs I’ve ever found.
A perfect end to a perfect weekend. Why the hat? Well it was snowing and I didn’t want to get wet! Hahahahaha