Hi,
I just want to start this week by saying how utterly devastated I am to hear about the young man in Barnsley, UK that has petitioned to die if his latest surgery leads to a stoma. He’s currently in a coma, after his operation. (He made his views known pre op).
He was so traumatised by the last stoma he had (a temporary one) that he would rather be allowed to die than face that trauma again.
I’m so so sorry for what he went through. I know for some it can be the most hellish rollercoaster.
I have a friend who has battled on with her temporary stoma since she had it put in.
I know full well that some experience of stomas are not the same as mine, nowhere near.
My friend struggled with Ileus -
(Ileus is a disruption of the normal propulsive ability of the intestine, due to the malfunction of peristalsis. Ileus originally referred to any lack of digestive propulsion, including bowel obstruction but current medical usage restricts its meaning to only those disruptions caused by the failure of the system's peristalsis and excludes failures due to mechanical obstruction. Taken from Wikipedia)
- from her stomas inception, she has been so desperately poorly. That was months and months ago and she is still plagued with problems.
She’s a tough cookie though, onward she goes, day after day. I truly admire her determination.
I can understand why someone could feel their quality of life isn’t being upheld to a high enough standard.
I can’t imagine the suffering you have to go through for death to seem like the better option.
I am pained for the young man, who has chosen death. I really hope he finds peace.
Taking to stoma life can be a struggle, it still can be 10 years down the line sometimes. I personally choose to manage on my own, because on the whole my stoma behaves itself.
I don’t have a relationship with the stoma nurses I was appointed, I didn’t once find them to have anything to offer, both physically and emotionally, which explains why I’ve not seen them in 10 years.
BUT if you are having a tough time please please please seek help from someone, anyone.
A lot of stoma care teams are great I’ve heard, and if they aren’t, well, there are so many stoma support groups out there. There will be someone, who even if they can’t physically help you they can at the very least understand and empathise, just feeling less alone will help.
My life with a stoma is good. That isn’t the case for everyone. I am incredibly lucky, that’s it. That’s all it boils down to it - luck. Luck is what a lot of life boils down to really.
I hope you get lucky, I hope you have good quality of life, I hope that you can come to terms with your stoma and find peace with it.
There is no right or wrong way of dealing with it. Do what you have to to get by. If you feel happier naming it, then yey, do that. Seek whatever brings you comfort.
My stoma doesn’t have a name, apart from it being a stoma. For someone who is incredibly over emotional and sentimental about a lot of things I can be very pragmatic and detached about others…I’m human, I’m complex and I make no apologies for it. :)
I am so devastated that the thing that saved my life is the very reason someone is seeking to end theirs.
I can’t imagine how desperately depressed he must be for that to be a better alternative.
There is no shame in a stoma.
To anyone facing stoma surgery I promise you it’s not that bad. Some of them are a pain because of leaks and blockages, (but normal bums have those issues too, I find there’s less stigma attached to me saying “oh my bag has leaked” than if I’d say “oh I’ve shit myself”).
We’re just all so messed up about bodily functions, it’s so sad.
Rest assured some stomas are just fine, more than fine actually, some of them are great!
I’m not actually against euthanasia, I just think it should be reserved for people who are in agony at the end of their life.
From personal experience I know cancer deaths can be peaceful, but I also know they can be traumatic and harrowing.
For my peace of mind it would be better if we could save people the harrowing ones. xx
Please look for support if you are struggling. Please, a stoma is no reason to die and every reason to live. xx
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I was searching through my wardrobe the other for something comfy to wear. I found two T-shirt dresses I had bought in Primark at the end of last year, in preparation for this summer. I must have had a premonition or something because I bought size 18- 20 (size 22-24 US).
I was thinking along the lines of oversized would be better for the beach…but then I’ve put so much weight in lockdown they’re a lovely fit! Hahahahaha.
T shirt dress from Primark, shorts from BooHoo, Shoes from Hermes
I slung it on with a pair of cycling shorts and merrily went off to my B12 jab appointment. Cosy doesn’t even begin to cover it. Ahh, bliss, the joy of baggy clothes.
I wasn’t always in slobby clothes last week, I hasten to add. I had some moments of being fully dressed, ready and raring to face the world…if only on Teams. (It’s like Zoom).
I had a meeting for the charity I volunteer for. I love being involved with Bowel & Cancer Research. I really think it’s helped me get through lockdown too.
Having something to get up for makes a difference to the day.
It makes me get up, washed and dressed. The days I don’t have anything on are a bit of a struggle at times.
Dress from H&M, Shoes from Russell & Bromley.
Me finding out there are NO pockets, arrrghhhh! :)
Nope, none…
I really loved my baggy T Shirt dress so I ordered some more floaty clothes online.
I love this dress from H&M, I did ask Leonie and Kaitlyn for their opinion of it. I was a little worried I’d look like mutton dressed as lamb, but both were very reassuring that I looked perfectly fine in it.
It may well be my coming out of hiding dress for when London reopens and life resumes.
Now I’ve fully mastered the art of wearing cycling shorts under clothing (partly for medical needs as I suffer terribly from chub rub in my inner thighs, and partly to cover up my bottom and bag should my dress blow up). I feel so much more confident knowing I have all bases covered, literally! ;)
I can wear floaty stuff safely, comfortably and confidently with shorts.
I have bought a few bits online. I have had to cut down considerably on spending but as I don’t fit in most of my summer clothes now, it was necessary until I can get a grip on the weight gain.
The weather has turned nasty here, I know, I know, the garden needs the rain, but I’d really prefer it if it saved it all for night time.
I walked past my front flowerbed - actually that’s not quite true. I was at ground level on my hands and knees. I had a most unfortunate incident. I went out on my bike, I’ve not been out on it in ages, I didn’t go far but on the ride I felt really very unwell. I thought I was going to pass out.
I managed to get home, crawled in the house, very very nearly threw up, still thought I was going to pass out.
I have no idea what happened, I only went 1.7 miles!? I noticed the flowerbed when I got back, I most certainly didn’t take the photo of it at that point. I was too busy fighting the urge to throw up!
I am so disgustingly unfit that 1.7 miles nearly killed me off. Chris used the pulse ox gadget on me as I looked so unwell, my pulse was 118 and oxygen level was 90. The alarm on it was going off… if it could speak it would be saying “my God woman! Look at yourself! Just look at yourself!! Hahahahaha.
I am now going to attempt a little bit of exercise each day.
Anyway, later on I went back and took a photo of said flowerbed. I’m so pleased with how it’s progressing.
When we moved into this house thirteen years ago, the flower bed was an unfortunate mishmash of random plants and shrubs, nothing gelled, nothing.
I lived with it for twelve years, ignoring it.
Then it occurred to me last year that I could rip out the old plants and start again. Only took me 12 years to come to that point. What? I’m a slow learner (actually I am, but dyslexia was not a factor in this delay).
It’s so beautiful now, it’s me, it’s how I like things. I’m not sure why it took so long for me to change it. I think sometimes we stop seeing things and turn a blind eye to them.
You should see my plan of action board for the garden now! :)
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The hardest thing about lockdown has been not being able to see family. Especially family that lives a long way away. Until a couple of weeks ago it was forbidden to travel any distance, but now some of the rules have been relaxed, and we can see family or friends in our gardens again.
I’ve seen Ben and Kaitlyn for dinner…
I’ve seen my mum and dad for a cuppa…
…BUT there was a little bit of the puzzle missing, Sam, Milly and Zak live so far away, we hadn’t been able to “pop over to drop shopping off” or anything. All we could do is see them via FaceTime.
It was hard. I know some grandparents live in different countries to their grandchildren and they just have to manage, but only living 126 miles away felt so near and yet so far.
Well all that changed on Saturday, after a 97 day wait we saw Zak and all again. It was wonderful.
What to wear for such an auspicious occasion?! At this point it’s a case of whatever fits! Hahahahaha
Top from Burberry, Jeans from New Look, Shoes from Louis Vuitton.
Rain mac from Burberry.
Jumping for joy from deep in my heart.
We last saw him on his first birthday. He’s changed so much since then.
He runs around now, where as before he was just toddling about. He shouts his head off, he’s hilarious, he has so much to say for himself, I know I’m biased but I believe he’s very clever.
He’s very mischievous, just like my boys were. They were the most fantastically mischievous children, there was literally never a dull moment with them. I loved every minute of motherhood, even the days that they had me drained and in tears.
I remember one particular day, Ben, with Sam’s help had clambered up a shelf unit in their bedroom, he was only little, probably not much older than Zak is now. He got up there and sat and ate all the icing decorations my mum had hand made for their christening and 1st birthday cakes!
I was distraught, they were treasured memories, all scoffed in one sitting.
I look back and laugh now. It was funny, he was delighted, full of dust and sugar. His big eyes looking back at me proudly for such an amazing feat! Hahahahaha
I do love spirited children, I was a nanny for 5 years for a family, those girls were spirited too. I think it certainly makes life less boring, if not a little nerve racking hahahahaha
Zak is just perfect. He’s so clever. He can horse ride, he’s just over a year old and he sits so naturally in a saddle it’s as if he’s always done it.
Milly’s family are all accomplished equestrians so it must run in his genes.
They found him sitting IN the guinea pig cage the other day, he’s at one with animals, maybe he’ll be a vet or something. :)
We had a short, but wonderful visit. You’re still not allowed in other people’s houses at the moment, and it’s now raining here. So that made the visit slightly problematic, as we just had to suck it up and enjoy a visit in the rain.
Thankfully rain can’t hurt you.
We had a wonderful walk along a river. Absolutely beautiful.
Another family passed us. We stepped aside to allow for social distance, there were two little girls of about 7 or 8 with them, my goodness me I think lockdown has had a terribly negative impact on some people. One of the little girls said to the other “let’s walk past slowly so they get more corona”
Errrr, hello! Parents! I think you might need to have a bit of a chat with those two! I like a spirited child but not psychotic ones hahahahaha
Chris and I headed home, stopping for a picnic on the A303, in the carpark of a very closed Starbucks.
It’s only when you venture out back into the world you notice how terribly different life actually is.
Just pack a lunch in a cold bag and every day is a picnic day.
…and let’s face it, who doesn’t love a cheese and pickle sandwich at the side of the road? ;)
Picnic, cold bag from Kate Spade. (TK Maxx).
That was the longest Chris has been out the house in 3 months, in fairness it’s the longest I’ve been out too.
A short but sweet trip out. It was just what we needed. Ninety seven days is far too long. Xx
Sunday was a tricky day. We had that sad, anticlimactic feeling, that comes after something so good.
Chris pottered around in the garage, I tried to busy myself as best as I could, but it’s raining here now solidly, it does make lockdown harder.
There was a slight break in the heavy rain so I decided to make a start on cleaning my wheelie bin, yes my life is that exciting right now, I’ve done all my other chores, I’m now down to the ones no one wants to do.
The upside is I now have a very shiny, bleached wheelie bin. Hasn’t been cleaned since it was dropped of by the council God knows how many years ago. :)
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The dress from H&M comes with a mini me version too.
