The key to a good lockdown, well it’s all about acceptance. Acceptance that it’s not personal, acceptance that it’s the best thing for you and acceptance that things will get better. Just bide your time and be patient.
The good days are on their way, and each day you are one step closer to that goal.
I have accepted lockdown so well I’ve no intention of coming back out. I’m not consciously worried or concerned as such, which is strange for a germaphobe. I just have no desire to rejoin society for quite some time.
End of lockdown doesn’t mean end of danger. It simply means the numbers are such that the NHS can cope.
I am in no rush to get “back to normal”. I’m perfectly happy, content in fact with my new normal.
I keep myself busy for the most part, but even me, the most comfortable lockdown gal around can get a bit antsy and a bit upset. It’s ok. Anything you feel is all ok. I allow myself to feel it and then move on to the next distraction.
I had a few tears the other day myself. I sent a jumper for Zak to Milly and Sam. It had been Sam’s jumper when he was a toddler. They sent me a photo of Zak in it. He looked adorable. It made me miss him terribly and miss both my grown up baby boys too.
Like I said, it’s ok to enjoy lockdown and it’s ok to have low moments too.
Last week I had a few things to do, things I looked forward to, so that helps hugely.
I belong to the Patient & Public Involvement panel with Bowel & Cancer Research. I absolutely love being involved with them in many and various projects.
Last week we had a Zoom meeting with a stoma appliance company. They use our experience and skills to help guide product development.
It was a very productive meeting for them and enjoyable for us because it feels like we’re helping.
Giving back after life threatening episodes is one of the best ways to heal your soul, well, that’s what I believe anyway.
Many years ago when a friend of mine died and then 5 weeks later my darling cousin died (both taken way before their time, 31 and 45) I was in great despair. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t feel, or laugh, there was no joy. I think it’s the closest I’ve ever come to feel what depression must be like.
I lost friends because of it, they must have got fed up with my lack of engagement. The world lost all its colour, it’s joy and I couldn’t see a way through the fog of sadness and guilt.
I would say I put on a lot of weight but actually in real terms it was nothing like the weight I’ve put on in lockdown. Hahahahaha.
Anyway after about 6 months of nothingness I decided I could either carry on the way I was going OR pick myself back up and rejoin life.
I re-joined Slimming World, having relapsed during the low period, and I volunteered for a few charities. Helping other people is the quickest way to heal a broken heart I found. Nothing will fully heal it of course, but I found it a comfort.
I joined the Cinnamon Trust which helps elderly or terminally ill people keep their beloved pets with them at home for as long as possible by helping them care for the animals. I absolutely loved it. I did that for 3 years, it really helped me, help myself. It was so rewarding.
I also volunteered for the Chernobyl Children’s Project, a charity that brings children over from Belarus for respite from the contamination still present.
No one lives near Chernobyl itself but its effects were/are far reaching.
We had two wonderful boys for 2 weeks, they didn’t speak a word of English and my Belarusian isn’t what it could be, hahahahaha but we had two wonderful weeks of fun and laughter, before they moved to the next family for a fortnight. A four week trip away from their homes and the contamination can add 18 months to their life expectancy, well that’s the hope anyway.
I loved it, they seemed to as well.
My family probably wishes I wouldn’t do stuff like that but they’re very good with going along with it. We once ended up with some French exchange students, the boys’ school ran out of families to take them for the week so I volunteered. My boys were livid, they didn’t even take French classes and they had to share their home with them.
They did share with grace and enthusiasm despite their original feelings on the matter. :)
The French boys were lovely, absolutely smashing. I’m still in touch with David (pronounced Daveeeeeed, don’t you just love the French language).
Anything you do to help someone else helps you too. It just feels good to help.
For obvious reasons when I came across Bowel & Cancer Researches PPI group I leapt onboard. I’ve had cancer and so I know how that feels and I am a very happy colostomy user, probably too happy actually, I’m really sorry if I’m just too damn perky about it.
It has recently been pointed out to me that not everyone feels positively about their stoma.
I totally understand why they wouldn’t like it, but I don’t feel it.
Of course it’s not what any of us expected, even people I’ve met that have suffered 30 odd years of debilitating Inflammatory Bowel Disease don’t tend to expect to end up with a colostomy or ileostomy.
My experience of years and years of misdiagnosis and stage 3 cancer led me to my colostomy, I didn’t see it coming, even though I was in excruciating pain for years (I just thought the IBS and piles I had been wrongly diagnosed with was very painful) I didn’t see a colostomy on my horizon.
So it came as a shock, but what came more of a shock was waking up post op and feeling at peace with my little pink blob of bowel stitched to the outside of my abdomen.
A giver of life and a second chance at life, how could I feel negative? My brain thankfully re-set itself, all on its own. I appreciate I am lucky in that sense, because for some it can take many years to come to terms with what happened, which is actually probably more understandable and more relatable to.
So here I am, apologising for being unapologetically happy with my life as it is. Yes I poo in a bag. I’m very lucky, I haven’t got any illness or ill health. I just poo in a bag, simple as that.
My body is amazing, to the point of being bionic!
While I’m at it I suppose I should apologise to some of my friends. I’m guilty of being super smug when my bottomed friends are hopping foot to foot desperate for a poo with no facilities available! Hahahahaha
Anyway, the product development Zoom meeting went very well. I, as ever dressed for the occasion. Most days you will find me looking like a hobo, dirty hair and pjs, but some things are important, and dressing well in public is one of them, OK, so I wasn’t in public as such but I was facing the world outside from the comfort of my kitchen.
A hair wash, a frock and shoes seemed important. The shoes thing is lost on me too. All they can see is my head.
But it does give me the opportunity to wear shoes I can’t actually wear outside. I have tried to walk in them but I have also fallen over in them.
I stumbled in the ones I wore for the Zoom meeting on the way to the kitchen. Hahahahaha
Dress from Tesco, Shoes from Mulberry.
Getting dolled up with purpose gave me something to do on Thursday too. Chris and I had been invited to one of Ben’s friends Zoom quizzes on Friday, the dress code was black tie.
Having gained more weight than anticipated (I say that but I’m the one who’s been eating non stop so it’s not a total shock) I struggled to fit in my usual evening attire.
I did however have a lovely couple of hours on Thursday trying on options.
I used to love playing dressing up as a child and as it turns out I still love it now!
My absolute personal favourite outfit is the one above…oh how I’d love to present myself to the world like this, but Chris said absolutely not! He also felt it was way too X rated for my blog, no idea why, I’ve posted bikini photos before…bra and knickers are just dry bikinis. hahahahaha
Kaitlyn described it as looking like something from an “only fans” site, which is pay per view soft porn. So I think we can safely say this nearly 47 year old has still got it!!…hahahahaha…but you’ll most likely find me dressed as below. Scabby cardi, nasty washed out vest and baggy jogging bottoms because they are the only thing that fit! I did think the pearls were a nice touch though, they add a certain je ne sais quoi! Hahahahaha
Anyway after I selected my dress and accessories I was good to go…to the living room, all dressed up and sort of somewhere to go.
Everyone made the effort. It felt really good. We have promised each other that once this is all over, either it’s died out or a vaccine is found, we’ll have a black tie event in the flesh.
This dress is a dream, because it’s very stretchy and my big fat gut can flop out merrily, after photos obviously. ;)
Dress from Fenn, Wright and Manson, Shoes from Christian Dior.
Chris with his half way effort outfit, although his effort was a tad further on than Ben’s. Ben is wearing just his undies and tuxedo jacket, shirt and tie. Jake made slightly more effort than that with his sports shorts Tux look.
Leonie wowed us in her original prom dress, incredible she can still fit in it so well (it’s ok Len, you’re secret is safe with me! Hahahahaha).
We had a really good night in, My congratulations to Jake and Ally for putting it together, very good, very enjoyable, and my congratulations to Ben & Kaitlyn on winning.
The weekend brought unsettled weather so we made the most of it when we could, getting outside is vital.
We’re getting our extra dose of vitamin D whenever we can.
I made a home grown, home made rhubarb crumble. I think the mystery weight gain has been solved. Hahahahaha.
It was amazing! Add to that the home grown veg for lunch. Why would I ever want to leave this place?
I’ve had a glut of rhubarb, so I’ve been able to give 8 bundles away for other people to enjoy it fresh from the garden on me.
As I have done nothing to help anyone through this crisis, which is not something I’m proud of, I dropped some food at the Food Bank collection place to ease my guilt a little.
We can’t all be heroes like the supermarket workers, NHS staff and all other key workers. But we can help by firstly staying home and secondly donating food to people that need it.
Especially as I have plenty.
I pretty much used this recipe, although I added in extra topping ingredients because I prefer my crumble topping to fruit ratio much higher. Add way more oats and it’s delicious!
You can of course make this vegan (Jade) by simply switching to a vegan version of fat and leaving off the honey, add some sugar instead.
Served with custard, cream or ice cream, there are no wrong answers. I love it all (Again, mystery solved! Hahahahaha).
I was suffering from some bladder issues at the weekend, it made life a bit tricky, but it happens from time to time.
I collect it in my group of ‘things cancer gave me’, same goes for the colostomy bag, HRT, disc pain, rosacea, etc. I was saying to someone the other day I consider all the stuff that comes with survival a blessing but even though I consider it as such, it’s still a right pain sometimes.
Anyway, I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. I had to keep peeing and I had to pee 6 times in the night on Friday and Saturday, so something wasn’t too happy in there.
I checked for infection with the test strips, and thermometer, but nothing showed up.
It’s possible it was a knock on effect of constipation, I have been foolishly doubling up my dose of D mix because I really like the taste, but it might be too much for my system or any system for that matter. ;)
It seems to have righted itself a bit now, it’s not completely back to normal but better than it was. It’s not like I want to go to a doctor any time soon so I will have to try and manage at home.
On the subject of managing at home, a few weeks ago I bought a Pulse Oximeter having seen some news article about how good they are for monitoring oxygen levels at home if you get coronavirus.
I’m not a doctor, never would I give medical advice but I do think it’s worth buying one, just in case. It could save yours or your loved ones life. You don’t need to spend out big on them too, I think they start about £12.
It’s probably worth getting a thermometer if you don’t have one too. That’s if you can get one. We bought this one when Zak came to stay after Christmas as he had a bit of a fever. I thank our lucky stars we got it back then.
As much as I fully intend to outrun it, it’s not totally up to me is it.
I definitely don’t want it but at the same time, if I get it I want to be prepared. I’d have made a great Boy Scout! Hahahahaha
Be safe, stay well. xx