Hi, hello. Right, I’ve got to be honest, I’ve left it too long in between blogs and now my head’s spinning. It’s a struggle to know what to write, which parts to mention, whilst trying not to tumble it all out in one go, like a nonsensical word salad.
We’ve had a full on few weeks, I imagine that’s why I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus, and laid up with a virus right now.
I tried that burning the candle at both ends thing, and burnt out, note to self, I am way too old for back to back fun.
So this blog is going to be a pictorial piece mainly. I started this blog to show what is possible to wear with a stoma, so let’s focus on that part.
That said, I do want to mention a new position I applied for, and got!
I will sit as a Patient Partner on the Guidelines Committee for EAES. Bringing an experience based patient perspective.
I’m so happy, honoured and excited for this amazing opportunity, to work alongside some incredible people.
I have the good fortune to be able to use our misfortune for the benefit of others.
I am a previous cancer patient & survivor, I am the mother of a cancer survivor and the daughter of a cancer survivor. I want to be able to help improve the lives of others. Which means that I have a sense of purpose, after surviving something many others don’t get the chance to.
Finding something to channel my experience for the benefit of others helps stave off survivor’s guilt, which is important to me to do, it can also help other people in a similar position. I’m a very big enthusiast of giving back.
Of course I’m overjoyed to still be here, being alive is what any seriously ill person wishes and hopes for.
But sometimes it is overwhelming to be burdened by the feelings of guilt that others, others far better than ourselves, aren’t here anymore, when they bloody well should and deserve to be.
It’s an incredibly weird and difficult feeling to understand. I’ve found spending my spare time doing charity work very soothing for my mental health.
Why do you think I’ve done, and do so much charity volunteering? It’s certainly not because I’m a good person, no, no, no, not at all, it’s mainly because I’m just a normal person trying to make sense of a complicated situation.
I’m giving myself purpose, and permission to be happy by offsetting my existence, by doing good in the world.
*About EAES
The European Association for Endoscopic Surgery (EAES) was founded in 1990 and since then has become a growing and dynamic organisation that continues to play a leading role in endoscopic surgery and allied interventional techniques. Aside from organising annual top level European congresses in a different European city every year, the EAES activities in education, training, research, development, and publication are effected through its various committees.
I am so excited to get started, I have the first in person meeting in Maastricht in June, I just need to find a way to get to Maastricht and I’m sorted. :)
So let’s switch back to the dressing with a stoma;
A clothing anthology…
Top from Gap, Trousers from Tesco.
Starting off strong with a super casual look.
Paired with my outer gardening clothes, and ladies and gentlemen we have a winning combo of glamour and style…
Yep, that’s how far back we are talking, these photo were weeks ago when it was sleeting. Although in fairness in England that could be any time.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from Tesco.
I have a few pairs of these very baggy trousers. They are great for just pottering around it. Loose is best. Always.
That doesn’t mean you can’t try tighter clothing. Trial and error is the way of the stoma owner.
Baggy doesn’t have to be miserable or ugly. Baggy can be elegant, but comfortable. I pivot back and forth. Sometimes I choose ultra comfort, sometimes I want to be bold and try something riskier (riskier leaks wise, rather than having my nips out or something). Hahahaha
And some riskier stuff breaks me free from the shackles of expectations.
Stoma owners are not stuck it baggy clothes unless they want to be.
If you saw this woman strutting past (and yes I did strut in this outfit below because I felt it looked good, really good), would you automatically assume that she has a colostomy bag full of poo hidden beneath? I mean, it’d be weird if anyone thought that about anyone at all, but you know what I mean.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Jeans (Harper) from M&S, Bag from Goyard, Shoes from Chanel.
Some days are for strutting. :)
I chose to wear a dress for a night out with the daughter of our friends from India, who happened to be in the UK for a little visit.
I love that I’ve been able to wear a lot of trousers since we switched to a healthier lifestyle. My clothes fit better and I feel great. But sometimes it’s a good idea to have some dresses added in for balance.
We had such a fantastics night out. It was so good to see our friend’s gorgeous girl again. Having not seen her since before the pandemic. She wasn’t at home when we went over to India in November, as she is incredibly clever and away at uni.
Look at us out on a school night…actually, we were out on a school night twice that week. I would say we are hardcore, but we’ve both been struck down by a sore throat virus thing right now, so probably not as hardcore as we’d hoped. Hahah
Our second foray into the world that week was to a dinner. Chris and I were invited to a business thing (well, Chris was the main invitee, I just tag along).
The dress code was “smart elegant”. Not a term I am familiar with.
So to my mind this outfit fits the bill…but unfortunately it wasn’t in keeping with the other female guests. Who apparently knew smart elegant meant cocktail dresses.
Was I bothered that I didn’t match the dress code? Nahhhhhhh, so what! I dress for my own taste and happiness. And I loved this look.
Top from Gap, Trousers from Ralph Lauren, Bag and shoes from Chanel.
The bag is 13 years old, the shoes are brand new, and they coordinate surprisingly well.
What’s not to love;
It’s smart ✅
It’s elegant ✅
It’s absolutely fine to dress how you feel best. My only confusion was how did they all know to dress up in cocktail dresses? I mean, really, how did they know?
It was a fantastic evening, we met Phil Tufnell, who I managed to embarrass myself with by asking if he’d ever been to India (India crops up a lot in my conversations, not that I hyper fixate or anything hahahah). Asking a former England cricketer if he’s ever been to India is a bit daft. Hahahah.
We were exhausted with the late nights and travelling back and forth to London that week, but then it was the weekend and we had a big Easter dinner party planned.
I went the extra mile with decor (obvs), sadly my backdrop wasn’t quite the size I had planned for. Yes I ordered it, but no, I don’t know sizes.
As a photo backdrop it’s great, for children. Not so much for grown adults.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Chanel.
The only way for this photo wall to work…
Or…
Or…perhaps…
We had such a lovely day.
Ben’s fabulous girlfriend Erin, came round and cooked a full roast dinner for 12 of us.
What an absolute star she is!
I can’t cook for 2 in my own kitchen, let alone cooking for 12, in someone else’s. Hats off to her for making the best roast dinner this house has ever seen (sorry Sam, she’s pipped you to the post, with her home made Yorkshire puddings and homemade gravy).
It was a taste sensation. She deserved her round of appreciative applause.
The next day, Chris and I went shooting, no, it’s okay, you read that right, I said shooting this time, not shopping.
I love clay pigeon shooting. Although for me, as I very rarely hit the target, it should just be called gun firing.
All the gear, some idea, no talent whatsoever :)
Proof were it needed. I have a dominant left eye, but I’m right handed. Which means I have to shut my left eye to stop it taking over. I can’t actually keep it physically closed, I have to wear an eye patch!! Hahahah.
The instructor was a little confused, he said “can’t you just close it?”
But then he was also a little confused when I’d hit two clays in a row, then miss the next six.
He kept saying “you can do it, just do what you did”
“Sir, I assure you that I would if I could”
Hahahah
Teachers being frustrated with me is the story of my life. :)
It was bloody good fun (for me, not the instructor). My enjoyment isn’t based on achievement. I just like firing guns.
We came home, got showered and changed and headed to London for dinner.
Because who wants a quiet weekend at home when there is a whole world of fun out there.
Blazer from Zara (bought it years ago, not worn it before I think. I can’t remember wearing it) Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Gucci, Bag from Dior
We were passing a jewellers, and one of the sales team we know waved to us to come in. We had a nice catch up, a drink, and I got to try some bits on…
This necklace is a snip at £250,000!!!
It’s exquisitely beautiful, incredibly heavy, and left me wondering, who’s buying things this fancy? :o
Unable to afford the necklace, we did the next best thing…thali at Madhus Brassiere.
Thali there is heavenly. :)
Then it was back home to get ready for the next day.
We drove my mum and dad to go and visit my mum’s sisters.
It was a bit awkward as I invited myself along, because it’s quite far for my dad to drive it, so I said we’d drive them.
My cousin and his darling wife were very kind and welcomed us in.
Top and trousers from Ralph Lauren.
My mum is one of six girls. And it’s a rare treat to get even some of them together.
It was lovely for my mum, and lovely for me, as I very very rarely see them, and absolutely adore them.
My cousin and his wife Helen put on a lovely do. I was so happy to go and grateful to be able to.
The next day the sun was shining so we headed to the beach for fish and chips and a stroll by the beach.
Top and cap from Aime Leon Dore, Jeans from M&S (I bought 3 pairs), Shoes from Gucci.
It’s been a full on few weeks.
It’s been a blast!
Then we had a very nice treat. Sam, Milly and Zak came up to stay for a few days as it’s Easter holidays.
It was wonderful. He is a treasure, he’s full of energy and drags you along for the ride. :)
Of course my sand castle buckets are the Taj Mahal, you expected anything different from me? Hahaha
I turned the kitchen island into a painting station. Which went down well, with the young and old alike.
It was so nice to have my mum and dad over too. Four generations all together. Which is also a rare but wonderful treat.
We had the best time. He is hilarious.
We walked, we painted, we played…he discovered he loves his head being massaged with one of those wire head massager things. Which was great because it gave me a chance to sit down and catch my breath. :)
*At 50, this beautiful five year old is running rings around me. So I have nothing but admiration and respect for older grandparents.
We attended a charity football match between the two companies Chris works for on the Friday night. Which was so much fun.
Zak was asked if he’d like to take part in the penalty shootout. He said no, he’s very shy. Then out of nowhere he said that actually yes! He’d like to!
Not wanting to miss this opportunity, we rushed him out onto the pitch. Where he took the shot, and with some assistance from the goalie letting it by, he scored a goal, and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause.
I don’t think that painfully shy five year old boy has ever had a rush of elation like that in his life.
It made me so emotional. It was beyond beautiful.
I videoed it and took loads of photos, so he can remember it forever.
I’m not one for football. As you can see. But I dressed how I wanted to. And this was it.
Top and jeans from M&S
It’s been a dreamy few weeks. We’ve loved every minute. Our final outing for a bit was on Saturday.
We went to London to meet friends for lunch and then an exhibition at the Tate Modern.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from M&S, Shoes from Gucci
Marks and Spencer are on their A game right now. There are so many great clothes! I’ve had quite the spend up in there. I’m experimenting with different styles. I don’t usually get to wide leg trousers because I’m short and round, with a bag of poo attached. But these are great.
M&S do short, regular and long, so everyone should be able to get their perfect fit.
I bought an outfit for an upcoming wedding that I haven’t tried before. So I’m super excited about that.
I’m really enjoying trying new looks, and not having to pay a fortune for it.
Everything we do is trial and error, just more so with a stoma attached.
My advice for life;
Grab it with both hands. Don’t sit still until you actually have to.
My advice for dressing;
If you wear what you like, and like what you wear, you can’t go wrong.
Even if you show up wearing the wrong dress code, it doesn’t matter as long as you love what you’re wearing, everyone else is irrelevant.
My advice for living with a stoma;
Well, it’s not advice, more of an observation. No one needs to know you have one unless you want to tell them. No one would look at any of these photos on here and know I had one. And the same goes for you. 🤍
Most importantly of all spend time with people you love.
Grab life. 🤍
I’m going to be chilling out for the next few days coughing my lungs up.
I’ll be back out grabbing life asap :)
Keep well, stay safe, much love xx