My mum very kindly edits this for me as I have dyslexia, and a distinct disinterest in grammar. ;)
This blog is written as an anthology of dressing with a stoma. It’s me paying it forward.
When I was diagnosed with stage three colorectal cancer I didn’t know anyone with any kind of stoma, well, one of my aunt’s had a relative with one, but I don’t remember if I’ve ever met them.
So that was the full extent of my knowledge. I knew someone who knew someone who had one. I knew sort of, roughly what a colostomy was.
Although having heard about their stoma’s output in the past, I now would guess that they had an ileostomy, rather than a colostomy.
Which seems to happen a lot. The general public, myself included pre cancer, seem to lump all stomas under the title “colostomy”.
Even though in my experience most people I’ve met have an ileostomy.
I have a colostomy, because I had colon cancer low down, nearer to my rectum, which meant I didn’t need that much colon removed.
Whereas people who have inflammatory Bowel diseases, tend to have a lot of colon removed, meaning they will often end up with an ileostomy.
A Colostomy is from the colon (large bowel, large intestine, it’s all the same thing)
And an Ileostomy is from the ilium (small bowel, small intestine, again, all the same thing. Just different names for it).
The main difference I know of is consistency of output. Mine is more like someone who has an intact colon.
And with an ileostomy, the output is more likely to be liquid. Not that I know much about ileostomies, but from what I’ve heard this seems to be a fair assessment.
So I went from knowing no one personally with a stoma, to having one myself. Which came as a bit of a shock.
I assumed dressing nicely was out of the question…And in that, I was ignorant and incredibly ill informed. Because I now know that dressing well is an option if you want to. I know that for me it’s a choice I choose to make.
I have always had a keen interest in dressing well, and clothes and accessories. I have long admired women who do so too.
I assumed I’d not be able to wear clothes I felt I looked good in, I thought I’d shrink away and hide from the world, but with time and patience I found my way back to me again.
From childhood to now I have been influenced by women who I consider incredibly stylish.
I suppose the first women whose dress sense I admired were two of my aunts and a cousin.
My auntie Angela is, and has always been a very well turned out lady. Her outfits and accessories are always carefully curated. She would never leave the house without her face on, her hair done, and suitably accessorised.
Angela’s sister, my auntie Linda, is the same way, always immaculately dressed, usually with an elegant blazer and a smart loafer. Utterly beautiful and timeless. She has a very effortless vibe.
And so too did my cousin Anita, Linda’s daughter. She was five years older than me, and I was always in awe of her, she was absolutely gorgeous, and always the height of sophistication in my awe struck eyes.
I stayed at her house once and she did my hair and make up, let me tell you I got the train home feeling ten feet tall, assuming everyone could see her magic she’d worked on me.
So I guess they were my first style icons.
And then as I got older I started noticing women on film who I admired. I loved old movies.
There are of course the most obvious examples of iconic and elegant women.
Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Elizabeth Taylor, and my very first girl crush ~ Marilyn Monroe.
Who wouldn’t want to be as timelessly fabulous as Grace Kelly?
And magnificent as Marilyn…
The outfit above, is from 1960, and would not look out of place recreated today.
My personal teenhood icon, Miss Marilyn Monroe. 🤍
Hints of my long term style inspirations can still be found in my wardrobe now.
I enjoy clothes, I love putting outfits together. It doesn’t mean that I think I’m incredibly stylish, or elegant. On the contrary, I don’t think I am, but I know I give it a really good try, and God loves a trier. 🤩
Sadly, I am anything but effortless. :)
And then as I got into my later teens my influencers of the time were the women on the smaller screen, and print.
If you’d asked me in 1989 who would I most like to dress like when I grew up it would have been the choice of two women I admired the most.
Equal favourites;
Cybil Shepherd - as Madeline Hayes in Moonlighting. God I loved that show! I wanted to be her! She was the epitome of elegant dressing.
The matching sets, the beautiful shoes and accessories. I’d drool over her wardrobe as much as I drooled over Bruce.
…And Princess Diana, who still to this day influences some of my outfit choices.
I have a soft spot for Tod’s shoes and bags like she did too.
They look great, but they are so comfortable.
Her influence is very strong in my outfit choices. Some of it is an homage, some of it is just buying what she bought.
I feel like there are very few women whose style and elegance I truly admire these days.
There is so much fast fashion and not much substance anymore.
There are very few truly stylish women, whose dress sense I’d wish to emulate.
But for me the woman whose style choices I admire the most is Meghan Markle. I happen to think she is incredibly beautiful, naturally stunning. And incredibly elegant, and a really very nice person.
I own a lot of clothing and accessories that I’ve seen on her, because I saw it on her.
She wears everything so well. She’s classic, classy and chic. I wish I had a fraction of her natural elegance.
I am in total admiration of her, and I tend to attempt to dress in a similar way.
That said, we are very different body types, and ages, and I know my limitations.
If I looked like her, I’d definitely dress exactly the same way. But as I don’t I merely take the bits that work for me.
Finding your own style is crafted from seeing what you like on others, and giving it a go. If it works, marvellous. If it doesn’t, try try again.
I know that I feel far more confident and comfortable in a belted dress. I have always found this style to be the least problematic for me.
Dressing with a stoma is all about trial and error. I’ve had my fair share of disappointments and disasters with outfits that simply haven’t worked, and leaks have ensued (Although my leaks tend to just be filter failures rather than actual poo leaks).
The bag above is the Lady Dior, renamed in honour of Lady Diana. So obvs I had to have one, and I’d have more too!
The most important part of dressing with a stoma is finding your confidence ~ Wherever you happen to find it.
If you feel the most confident and comfortable in baggy jogging bottoms and oversized Ts. If that’s what makes you happy, and feel good, then that’s what you should wear.
Once we get to adulthood, being happy should always be the priority.
Some people might look at my outfits and couldn’t think of anything worse, and that’s okay. Because we weren’t put here to all be the same, feel the same or look the same. I have no idea why we were all put here, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t for that.
Finding something that works, that feels good on, that makes you feel whole is the most satisfying feeling.
No matter what that happens to look like.
If I’m undecided as to whether something would look okay, I go and give it a try.
Marks and Spencer have so many really good clothes in right now. It’s worth setting a day aside to try loads of stuff on, take photos in them. And decide at leisure as to what you’re loving on or not.
Other shops do too, but I’m M&S-ing a lot lately. So I always recommend what I’m doing currently.
The shop you choose is largely irrelevant, as long as there is a variety of styles to try. You’d be able to do the same in Primark or Ralph Lauren - regardless of the shop, try everything and anything and see what happens.
The mirror doesn’t always give an accurate representation of what an outfit looks like, so take mirror selfies and video in the dressing room.
I gave misinformation last week, so I do apologise for that.
I stated that my coat was from Max Mara.
Which it most definitely wasn’t.
I’m a bit confused by Max Mara as a company to be honest.
I bought my coat from Harrods. From Max and co. A sister company to Max Mara, and Weekend by Max Mara.
Why on earth would anyone pay over £2000 for a coat that is almost identical to the one I bought for £490?
Pricy…
Getting better…
Perfect!…
It’s the same colour, the same parent company ~ Just a hell of a lot cheaper.
The shops are full of beautiful camel colour wool coats, this one below is a beauty, and only £69 from my favourite shop at the moment, M&S.
So what have I been up to this weekend gone? Well, quite a bit of eating mostly.
Top from Holland Cooper, Trousers from M&S, Boots and Bag from Dior.
Coat from Max & Co
…Age 51 and tried caviar for the first time.
Couldn’t taste or feel it, so a little money saving tip from me…take the blini with the crème fresh, and just sprinkle salt on the top, it’s the same thing, don’t worry about the caviar.
We had the best day, lunch with friends. Two of my favourite things, a lunch date, so the food has a chance to go down before bedtime (yes, I’m that person now!), and catching up with friends.
We had a fabulous lunch, then went for drinks in a roof top bar…what did we order?
Well, some very rock and roll hot chocolates! Hahahaha.
Adulthood is about doing things to make yourself feel happy. And hot chocolate is the perfect way to start. :)
Top and Skirt from M&S, Bag from Goyard, Shoes from Dior, Coat from Max & Co
Sunday we went up to London for The Great Mughals exhibition at the V&A.
A beautiful exhibition if like me you love ancient Indian architecture and history.
Followed by a late lunch at Chutney Mary. It was the most perfect weekend.
I feel very lucky to get to do all this stuff.
Sometimes you make your own luck, sometimes you just get lucky.
I wish you a happy week ahead.
I’m currently in the process of putting my Christmas decorations up, and no, it obviously isn’t too early for me as I’m a grown up and I get to decide. :)
As if my new baby boys weren’t going to get a bit of Christmas magic…
