Right! I’m back!
I am now 50!
And I bloody love it!
What an honour it is to grow old. I feel so blessed.
At 36, I didn’t know I’d get 37…or 38…or 39…you get my point. So all birthdays are amazing for me. I’m not someone that thinks the zero enders are the be all and end all. I think ALL birthdays are just as incredible.
(Just to add to that, none of us are promised the next birthday, so it’s best to appreciate them all and live very much for the here and now). Xx
That said, I wanted to do something special for the big five Oh, because, well, it just seems to be a rite of passage doesn’t it, people go off and do something epic like climb Kilimanjaro, or the Great Wall of China. Personally those options didn’t appeal, so I chose laying on a beach with my nearest and dearest. (…worth noting, 51 might well be a big one too…just a little heads up for Chris).
So 14 of us headed off to Greece for a fabulous birthday holiday, week in the sun (well, the sun bit isn’t quite as easy to sort out as it turns out).
Things to make travelling easier;
*Get good travel insurance.
*Wear as loose fitting clothes as possible.
*Change your bag as close to flying as possible.
*Eat with travel in mind the day before (I tend to avoid anything that will cause over production of wind or discomfort).
*Pack all of your stoma supplies in hand luggage.
*Pack plenty of supplies and then pack some more. It’s always better to have more than you need.
*If you have a liquid output invest in some Morform (I’ve put some info on this below).
*I always take a selection of tablets for flying trouble shooting. Gaviscon for indigestion. Buscopan for bowel spasms. And pain meds for many and various scenarios.
*Just want to add, I read on a stoma company website that scissors are forbidden on planes. I’m not sure where they got that idea from, but I travel on flights extensively (literally once or twice a month, on many and various airlines), and never have I been stopped for carrying scissors. I travel hand luggage only a lot, so my scissors have to be in my bag with me. Scissors under a certain blade size are permitted, but if you have concerns, because you’ve read that they are banned, contact your airline or airport to check).
The big five oh trip…in clothing form….
The most perfect travel outfit. Dress from Nobody’s Child, Shoes from Gucci.
A spot of lunch while we waited for the rooms to be ready, then to the room to change into something more weather appropriate…
Top from H&M, Shorts from Tesco, Bag from Chloé, Shoes from LK Bennet.
The weather wasn’t great. The whole region, including Italy and parts of Spain are having really bad weather.
So we made the most of the sunshine whenever it was available and enjoyed the pool even on the cloudy days.
(Above, my baby boy, Ben)
(Me) Top from Ralph Lauren, Jeans from Tesco, Shoes from Tory Burch, Bag from LV.
The weather was pretty much irrelevant for me personally. I had those dodgy moles removed a few weeks ago, and it’s scared the crap out of me. Mine came back all clear. But that feeling of doom while you wait for the biopsy results is excruciating. If I can avoid some future trauma I will.
So I took factor 50 sunscreen, and fake tan to use instead of sun baking. I feel incredibly proud of myself because I didn’t burn at all.
I had a small amount of pinkness where my bikini had rubbed the cream off at some point. But I didn’t burn. This is progress. :)
The main source of joy for me from the holiday, was being with the people I love.
(Below, my eldest son, and fellow cancer survivor, Sam).
And at the very very top of that list were, Chris, Ben, Sam, Milly and Zak! What an absolute privilege and pleasure. :)
But also, there were some of my favourite people on the planet there too. It was amazing to be with them.
The resort (Ikos Olivia) is All Inclusive, which means going away in a group is heavenly. No one has to worry about who ordered the peas, or who had 4 cocktails not 3 (not that I would be friends with people who split bills to that degree to start with, but it’s just very chilled out to not have to worry at all about the costs).
(FYI, if you have small children then the Ikos Olivia Hotel is the perfect place for you. Really very very child friendly. The most child friendly hotel I’ve ever been to).
Shall I share some secrets to a happy life;
You do not need to have the best body in the world.
That’s it, that’s the secret.
Appreciating the one that you have brings great peace and happiness.
I was asked a few weeks before I went on holiday a question that has stuck with me;
“Will you be losing some weight for your holiday?”
My answer was immediate and straightforward.
“Why the fuck would I do that?!?”
The privilege that comes with getting to the grand old age of 50 means I know that my worth is not linked to my girth.
I am me no matter what weight I am. When I was very poorly I was very thin. I was in the most unbelievable pain you could imagine, in fact it’s not possible to imagine what it was like. I used to sleep with a flannel between my teeth to stop myself from breaking my teeth whilst clenching in pain. It was horrendous. (I was misdiagnosed, but incredibly symptomatic of cancer for a very long time).
Thin does not mean happy, it also doesn’t have to mean unhappy. It’s simply an irrelevance to your life in general.
A smile, laughter, love, joy, pride, gratitude, grace and peace. They’re the things that count.
“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
-The Twits Roald Dahl
So on holiday I bikini. With my stoma bag on show. I’m not a model, my body doesn’t have to look a certain way for it to be something I appreciate. I love it for healing to allow me to be here.
Chris buys his swimwear from Vilebrequin. They sell matching ones for children and adults, men and women. The only problem is, the men’s stuff goes up to some very large sizes. Predictably, for a fancy French brand, the women’s section goes up to a small UK 14 at best, but probably a UK 12 to be honest.
I happen to be a bit bigger than that (yes, I hide it well, I’m so petite and dainty aren’t I?!? Hahaha).
So I can’t buy the swimsuits to match his trunks. But thankfully, the cover ups go up to some pretty big sizes. So I like to buy them to join in the Matchy Matchy theme.
I wore a swimsuit for the first time in a long time. And I’m not sure how, but it completely confused my friends. We all scattered throughout the resort most days. Joining up for lunches or dinners. It was very chilled and everyone did their own thing. Which was lovely.
I walked up to 3 different groups of friends, all of whom didn’t recognise me in this outfit. Apparently all I need to do to go in disguise is wear an Alice band. :)
Swimsuit from DKNY, Trousers from TK Maxx, Bag from Chloé, Shoes from Havviannas, Alice band from Tesco…perfect disguise, might take up bank robbing. ;)
I like a swimsuit, I like a bikini. I don’t let outside forces dictate what I should and shouldn’t wear. And nor should anyone.
I hear so many women say “oh I can’t wear a bikini because I don’t have the body for it”
*just so you know, everybody is a bikini body.
You just need a bikini, and I’m assuming you’re already in possession of a body. ;)
If you don’t wear one because you don’t want to, that’s great. But please don’t listen to the bullshit that’s put out there by dark forces.
Wear what makes you happy;
Dress from Tesco, Shoes from LK Bennett.
Dress from Reiss, Shoes from Gucci
Top and jeans from Tesco, Shoes from Manolo Blahnik.
Top from Sandro, Shorts from Tesco, Shoes from Gucci.
Dress from Tesco, Shoes from Gina
Dress from TK Maxx
I took 12 pairs of shoes, 14 bikinis, 36 outfits…and I wondered how I was over my baggage allowance hahahahaha…
And now we come to my big birthday!
It was our friend James’s birthday the day before mine. It was James’s 50th birthday when we all went to Ikos hotel in Corfu last year.
Catie went above and beyond for his birthday. So I had an inkling there would be something like that coming my way. What I didn’t know was how much effort they would all go to. I can’t even put into words what they did. The love I felt was incredible. They are all the very best people. But Catie, who by the way has a very real job, and very little spare time (she’s a lawyer), always excels herself!
I was absolutely stunned by how much effort they went to.
I woke up full of the joys of spring. Mainly because it’s spring, but also because I was so excited to get to 50.
I spent the most glorious day with my family, friends and my first love…
Beach dress from TK Maxx, Shoes from Gina.
I probably should explain why there is a massive Dick at my party. Well, I love Dick…Van Dyke. I have loved him and only him (and a bit Chris) since I was 5 years old.
I loved him in the classics of course. But I used to watch reruns of The Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore show as a child.
Then of course there was my early 20s where I’d thirst over him in Diagnosis Murder.
So the theme of this birthday was “I love Dick!”And I couldn’t think of a more perfect birthday theme ever!!
How did Catie get a life size cardboard cutout of my love to Greece? Well Amazon of course!
She had it delivered to the hotel!! I told you! This woman goes above and beyond!
Our friends James and Tanya arrived at the hotel a few days ahead of the rest of us. So they were able to take delivery of him. And what a special delivery he was!
This is 50!! And it feels absolutely amazing!!
I had the best day. The sun actually shone. Which was a bit of a rare treat. We had an amazing day by the pool, Dick by my side.
And then it was time to get all dolled up for my birthday dinner.
I have never done any cosmetic work on myself. I don’t filter or distort my photos either. I see no point for a muggle like me. :)
But, I will admit I get Chris to take about a thousand photos and I then scroll through to find the best ones.
I honestly don’t feel any need to change or filter my images, take me as I am or not at all. And If anything actually needs filtering it would be what comes out of my mouth! Hahahaha
This is 50! …
Dress from Nobody’s Child, Shoes from Chloé
The best!
(I consider myself highly successful. Although, I’ve never had any success in the work place. I was a Nanny as my career, and I did keep my charges alive, so I guess that is a success story really.
But I retired from the workforce at 23. And was a mum and a housewife.
My boys grew up and left home years ago, so now I’m solely a housewife.
So, you may ask, how and why do I consider myself highly successful?
Well I achieved everything I ever wanted. Age 7 I wrote about myself, how I wanted to be a children’s nanny, a mum, a wife and a barmaid.
But more than anything I wanted to be happy. I have simple tastes (Christ, don’t tell Chris that!! My simple tastes are pretty expensive at times!) hahaha.
But my success is based on the fact that I am loved, very much, by a surprising amount of people.
I love those people deeply in return. For me, there is nothing more satisfying than that, nothing could come close to topping it. That is success)
The hotel manager very kindly had the table in the restaurant decorated for me. Although I had taken lots of table scaping with me, it seemed ungrateful and discourteous to take theirs off and reapply mine. So I mixed and matched. And went with the flow. The main thing was the people round the table.
No birthday party is complete without a party bag!
…why I was over my luggage allowance? hahahahah…
Thoughts on being 50;
Well, if I’m lucky I’m only half way through.
But even a 100 years would be too short.
Make mistakes, learn from them. Love life. Appreciate all of it, even the shit stuff.
Wear the dress, eat the cake, regret nothing!
Live for the moment!
Enjoy your time here. Who knows what the next level will bring. Make the most of every second.
xx
I am so grateful to my friends and family who came to Greece. I am so thankful for them all.
I am so very lucky. I am fully aware of that. I am so grateful for it all.
These are definitely my people. xx
A little added extra for this blog. A few weeks ago I was looking at some old photos of me with my best friend from childhood. I have known Stephen his entire life. I’m a month and 3 days older than him.
My mum was babysitting his brother the day Stephen was being born. We have been friends since he first arrived.
The photos of us in 1976 are adorable. And I had a thought about recreating them…
47 years later…
Ever wonder how much free time I have? …well, enough to come up with this idea and scour the internet for weeks finding the clothes for it!
My dress is from Sports Direct, Shoes from Jimmy Choo. Steve’s top is from Madcap England.
Stephen will soon be joining the 50 club, here’s to the next 50 dear friend. xx
************
It was home from holiday Thursday night, then a rest day Friday, ready for the weekend of birthday celebrations to continue.
Saturday to London with Kim and Matt.
Dress from New Look, Shoes from Chloé, Bag from Gucci
It was back to our favourite Spanish restaurant, this includes all the restaurants we’ve ever been to in Spain itself. Arros QD in Fitzrovia is the best Spanish food by far we’ve ever had.
One for the carnivores
And
One for the omnivores…
It was another wonderful day full of food, friends and love. The only things we actually need in life.
Then Sunday Chris very kindly, because we hadn’t eaten in ages…booked us in for afternoon tea in a beautiful hotel restaurant in Lavenham, in Suffolk .
I take all and any visitors we have to Lavenham, because it’s so beautiful.
Top from Whistles, Jeans from Tesco, Shoes and bag from Dior, Jumper from Tommy Hilfiger.
Usually after afternoon tea we are full to the brim, writhing around in agony. Full of carbs and tea. But this one was strangely light and airy…so much so we ordered a curry in for dinner, some 3 hours after the afternoon tea. :)
Now, either it was particularly small, or we over stretched our tummies at the week of all inclusive. Hahahahaha.
More fun times are ahead. This year is packed full of adventures. Actually, come to that so is next year. We just booked a 4 night stay in NYC for February, flying first class. (My friend Jane is a travel agent, and she put an amazing deal on her Facebook page and we snapped it up! Let me know if you want Jane’s details. She has been my travel agent for 22 years and she is the best in the business!).
While I remember;
I’ve had a few weeks of feeling really well. I have slept a little better, which helps greatly. I can’t see that the CBT-i has had a major effect as I only had 3 sessions and we didn’t really get anywhere in all honesty.
I explained my life experiences so far. And the therapist says “what’s the worst that could happen?”.
I appreciate the sentiment, I understand it on an intellectual level, but for people who have actually experienced some of the worsts that could happens in life, It’s not terribly helpful, and in fact somewhat frustratingly dismissive of my experience.
But who knows, maybe it helped a bit.
But I have been taking some magnesium supplements, and some Fybogel tablets.
I’ve always found I sleep better when my bowels are working well. I was taking a chewing mixture, called D mix for a while, which was great, but I had to stop using it when I cracked a tooth and it had to be removed (not a fun time in my life).
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I discovered that Fybogel have their fibre product in tablet form, rather than the powder you mix with water.
I find the powder version gives me PTSD like feelings. Firstly I hate the flavour and sensation in my mouth. But it brings back memories of the hell of misdiagnosis. My GP use to just send me on my way with a pack of Fybogel and some pile cream, again and again. While I slowly died from cancer, because nobody thought to check into my symptoms any further.
So I haven’t taken Fybogel for years!! Years and years, it makes me gag just thinking about it.
Anyway, I noticed in Tesco the other day that they now make it in tablet form. And I have become really rather addicted to them. They taste perfectly fine. The sensation is acceptable. And they keep your insides running smoothly.
I’m not saying it cures insomnia. But I have had more solid hours of sleep. Rather than waking every couple of hours.
I still wake up, but it’s definitely less than it was.
Life is good. Keep well, have fun. See you soon. Xx