So the in between my toes stitches wound is going from strength to strength. I think it can officially be classed as a SNAFU.
Walking around on it has caused issues. The wound gets all wet and sweaty, and the skin can’t knit back together.
The surgeon did say that it was going to be tricky for the skin to recover. I think it’s made all the worse because I have horrid little troll feet, and my toes all bend over each other. Which means not only do they rub all the time, but no air can get in to dry the stitches to allow healing.
So if I’m at home you will find me with big wodges of gauze separating my deformed little trotters.
If I’m out I will be wearing my collection of beautiful footwear, but screaming inside! Hahahaha
I went to a follow up appointment with the plastic surgeon on Friday.
I did try and wear a new pair of boots Chris bought me a couple of weekends ago. They are glorious, sensational even, but unfortunately not wearable quite yet.
So I put on a pair of old faithfuls and headed to the appointment.
How I wanted to go…
Dress from Zara, boots from Holland Cooper
Verses how I actually went…
Dress from Zara, Boots from Gucci
I don’t find it an easy hospital to visit. It’s where I was diagnosed with cancer, so for me it has an anchor back to trauma.
But I was very bold and went on my own. Look at me all grown up! ;)
Anyway, I go into the room, the surgeon looks at his handy work…that I have mangled.
He said it’s healing as well as can be expected in such a sweaty place (why thank you kindly sir!). Hahahahah
I was sitting on the bed, when he said now come and sit down and let’s discuss the results.
Firstly, I didn’t expect any results to be back yet (everyone I know has had to wait months for them these days. NHS and private health care are slammed).
And secondly, if I thought the results would be back, I wouldn’t have gone alone. (So, not quite the grown up I was claiming to be).
He said “come and sit down Mrs Doré”.
My stomach flip flopped. I’ve heard that said before. In this hospital.
I stumbled to the chair, not knowing if my legs would actually carry me to what could possibly be bad news.
And then he said “the one on your thigh that I took off was definitely a Dermatofibroma, so that’s good and nothing to worry about”
(Thank fuck for that!!)
And the one on your foot….
(….yes!! What is it!!??!)
…”was a mole something something - completely harmless…blah blah blah…”
I nearly passed out, but with relief this time.
Were I giving out news to a patient I think I might have started the conversation;
“results are back, everything is fine, not problem at all…etc etc…finer details etc etc…”
He said both were worth removing, to prevent any potential issues in the future. Yes! I totally agree.
And if I want to go back for scar revision treatment then to feel free to get in touch.
Which I thought was adorable.
I shit into a bag attached to my abdomen, but good God no, I can’t cope with seeing this tiny scar on my leg!
I thought it was sweet of him to offer though.
So that was a very good day!
*I’m now separating the toes with a foam ear plug, so a bit of air can get in*
On to the weekend!
For Christmas Ben bought Chris and himself tickets to see an evening with Quentin Tarantino at the London Palladium.
Chris decided to make a weekend of it and booked us into a hotel for the night, followed by a spa day at a spa we’d driven past hundreds of times. I had no idea it was a spa, I assumed (wrongly) that it was a restaurant - if I’ve ever thought about it at all before. (More on that to follow).
That meant while they were at the audience with Quentin, I’d be at a loose end. So I contacted James and Tanya and asked if they were free for dinner etc.
Well, after I explained where Chris and Ben were going, they were intrigued and interested in that. So they booked tickets.
Oh! Right, that’s fantastic, I’m happy to be a conduit to you having a great time, but that means I’m back to square one, Suzy ~ Billy No Mates! :)
But my gorgeous, wonderful husband, secretly contacted Tanya and asked her to book me a ticket too. Yayyyyyyyyy :)
So Chris and I headed up to London. I wanted a few things for our upcoming holiday (yes, I know, I always have an upcoming holiday on the go). I’m very very lucky. I am very aware of how lucky I am.
We met Ben up there. And did a bit of shopping.
Jumper from N.Peal. I have loved their cashmere knit ware from afar for a very long time. And I finally took the plunge and invested in my first jumper from them. What made me hesitant? Well, the price for one, but I got this in their outlet store at Bicester Village. And two, my house is old and full of moths, and cashmere is a rare delicacy in this house.
Trousers from Holland Cooper, Boots from Valentino.
Look at me all serene and pleased with myself. I bloody love this jumper. It reminds me of my favourite Liquorice Allsorts. :)
On the walk to the store, Chris stepped on the back of my boot.
Which some people find horrifying enough, but he knock off one of the studs off one of my beautiful Valentino boots.
Oh my Lordy, yes, I know, the epitome of a first world problem. I get it. I do. But still, my poor boot.
Thankfully Harrods have a Valentino store within, so I headed there and explained what had just happened…
To gasps and near faintings of the assistants and other customers alike.
It was actually quite funny. I think Chris got a real insight into the severity of the situation. As one woman scowled at him and said she’d have been sick if it had happened to her, while she gently and soothingly caressed a shoe she was trying on.
Don’t get me wrong, I was a bit disappointed that the boot is now damaged and diminished in my eyes, but also know ~ I’ve got through worse hahahahahahahah.
The lovely shop assistant went out the back to see if she could find some spare studs, which she did. And then explained that there is a cobblers in the next section along, and they’ll probably be able to fix it.
I’ve never felt so cared for. :)
I mean, it’s okay, accidents happen, although quite a few happened that day, as he later stabbed me with a tooth pick whilst reaching for some olives we were sharing, and he knocked my poorly toes with his big clodhoppery shoed foot.
Anyway, after our detour, I bought the make up I’d gone for. And then up to Gucci to see about getting the pair of shoes I’d seen in a magazine.
I love them, and they had my size, which was a rare treat. I’d saved up my house keeping money (yeah, we have that kind of marriage. He makes all the money, and I let him) ;)
I haven’t bought any food for weeks to enable the purchase but hey, who needs food right? Hahaha. I’m kidding, he’s fed.
(*Yes, I am absolutely aware I’m in a very fortunate position. Which is why I donate food and volunteer my time at the food bank to help others who aren’t).
The sales assistant brought over a belt that matched the shoes, I wasn’t going to get it but Chris said I should. Maybe it was his penance to make up for my broken boot?
(He bought the boots to start with, so there really was no need).
The offending article…
The replacement…
Bits bought we headed to the cafe in there for a snack.
I fancied broccoli…with what I hear you say?…well, just broccoli.
With almonds, and tossed in butter. Absolute perfection.
God I love this clumsy old bas**** :)
He is my favourite main character. :)
We finished up in there and headed over to Marylebone (which I cannot say. Is it ‘Marrrr-Lee- bone or Marry-Le-bone??).
We parked the car, headed to the hotel to check in. I decided to change my bag and my clothes, fearing that skin tight trousers might be a bit dangerous to sit through a show in.
Unfortunately during the bag change I shit on my socked foot…these things happen…and I’m so lazy that I even considered not changing my socks to go out. Clatty mare! It’s fine, I changed them, don’t fret!
Bag and socks changed, dress on, we headed to Selfridges where Chris had booked us and James and Tanya into the Brassiere of Light restaurant.
Well it’s a beaut, never been before, I don’t think I’d even heard of it before. But it’s definitely worth a visit.
Just don’t wear hot pink as you’ll match the toilets! Literally. :)
Meeting up at the weekend, with some of my very faves, is one of my favourite things to do.
I’m very lucky to have so much love and fun in my life. I hadn’t realised until recently that it’s not a given. I saw a post from a person I follow on Instagram, who said they don’t know how to have fun, laughter and general joviality with friends. It really shocked me. It made me feel so grateful for all the laughter I get to have.
Ben made some bold and questionable choices off the drinks menu. And even as addicted to sugar as I am, my teeth itched just looking at that sweet treat!
Then we went off to watch an evening with Quentin Tarrentino.
It wasn’t quite what I was expecting, because, my own fault, I hadn’t read the blurb, I was only booked into going the day before.
I hadn’t taken into account that the entire show/event was solely about the book he’s just written. Which is about films he saw as a child, films I have never seen.
Films that were incredibly inappropriate for a 6 or 7 year old.
But they were different times back then, and his mum definitely had different parenting practices from me.
But I doubt she has any regrets. Seeing as her son grew up to be one of the most famous movie directors in the world - ever.
But for me personally, Deliverance et al, are not terribly suitable for the under 7s.
So it was a bit dull for me admittedly, because I hadn’t seen any of the films he has written about in his new book (it’s a book tour audience with).
The first half was incredibly boring for me. He didn’t come across as a great orator. He spluttered and stalled the entire way. Losing focus and thread, and generally not being very engaging.
Again, some of this is my fault as I hadn’t read his book of which he was speaking about.
Then we came to the second half of the show, by which point I was dreading it because, my bum had gone numb and I was bored stiff.
It started off okay, the interviewer and him got chatting - Quentin came across more relaxed and articulate…maybe because of the glass of wine he was carrying had loosened him up a bit…when all of a sudden there was a commotion from the audience…
Some crazy man heckled him!!
Heckled!!
We were all in shock. I wasn’t having fun, but I knew the mistake was not Quentin’s, it was my own. I hadn’t read what the show was about, and clearly, nor had crazy heckle guy!
“It’s not all about you Quentin!! I wanna ask about Reservoir Dogs!!!”
It was so very weird. The audience turned on the man, shouting at him to leave and to go **** himself.
I think most of the audience were crapping themselves that Quentin would storm off. He’s one of those temperamental artistic types, prone to histrionics. He has form, and to be fair to him, in this case it would be justified.
But actually he was incredibly gracious, I found it extremely endearing.
He returned fire to the man and said calmly “look, this is a show about my book, I’m sure there must be a pub near by for a beer, and fish and chips if you’d prefer”…
I can’t understand why the man came back after the interval. Why wouldn’t you just leave?
I didn’t like the Tina Turner stage show, nor did Chris, so we left at half time. I didn’t shout at the actors to tell them we’d just remembered that we really don’t actually like Tina Turner!!
No, we simply, packed up our popcorn and left.
Shouting at Tarentino is a very weird, really rude thing to do.
And I’m not a huge Tarantino fan and I was annoyed for him. So you can imagine how the incident went down with hard core fans. Although a fair few probably hadn’t read the brief too, and felt the same way. ;)
Note to self: always read the blurb.
We said our goodbyes and went back to the hotel. It wasn’t a fancy hotel or anything, just a place to crash, to be in town the next day for brunch and the spa day.
I slept all night. Go figure. I don’t even do that at home.
Chris booked us in to brunch at the Ivy Marylebone on Sunday morning.
I realised when getting ready to go out that I had worn the dress I’d intended to wear for brunch, to the previous night’s show.
So I had to wear the track suit I’d packed to change into after the spa day.
Brunch at the Ivy was fantastic!
And then we went to the spa. Chris booked it all so I had no idea what we were having.
But he booked a couples package. Which included; 30 minute steam room, foot soak and scrub (only one foot for me of course), 90 minute full body massage and finished off with a foot massage.
It was the best massage I’ve ever had!!
It was incredible! I’m emotional just thinking about it.
When I rolled over on to my back the masseuse discovered my stoma bag, completely unfazed, she gently said “would you like me to massage your belly?”
…And I nearly cried. (Actually after the massage when I was telling her how good it was I did cry, and so did she. He father had died of cancer. She had had experience of dealing with it. I said my condolences to her, and thanked her for the rubbing).
It was amazing to have my belly massaged, I’ve wanted it for the last 13 years. But it never happens. It’s possible I’m not booking the right massage of course. I have no idea what this one was called as I didn’t book it.
We were so dreamily relaxed when it came time to go home.
We should probably book the hotel for the night of the massage next time. Oh there will most definitely be a next time.
Chris had an exceptional massage too. I could tell by the very loud snoring from the bed next to me. He woke himself up with his own snoring.
If you are in town and want some treatments I’d definitely recommend Thai Square Spa.
It’s an unassuming looking place in Northumberland Avenue, just up from the Corinthia hotel. But it was the best spa day I’ve ever had! We’ve ever had!
Slightly different from today as I’m just about to start my bowel prep for my colonoscopy tomorrow.
Today is a tricky day. If you know you know.
Tuesday afternoon I started my colonoscopy journey.
Bowel prep ~ colonoscopy Wednesday morning.
Things that give me anxiety;
1,Worrying about dying.
2,Potentially preventing some dying by checking for bowel cancer.
3,snakes, crocs, gators etc.
4,fear of embarrassment (various scenarios).
5, stage shows/musicals.
Bowel prep day is quite high on the list, but thankfully it’s only 5 yearly now.
I am a huge, HUGE believer in colonoscopies. I think everyone over the age of 40 should have one. They can literally save a life, but also they can actually prevent cancer (bowel). If a polyp is removed during a colonoscopy it can’t become cancer (oh, if only I’d had a colonoscopy when I was in my 20s, if only).
The prep is unfortunately not fun. But it’s a few hours of not fun to get a clean bill of health.
If you have any bowely symptoms please get tested. And if you don’t have any symptoms, but you’re getting on a bit, also please get tested.
To make it more positive an experience;
*Choose a nice glass and jug combo to take prep in.
*drink it through a straw.
*chill it in the fridge.
*add a cordial (lemon, not blackcurrant).
*and for those with bum holes still slap on any barrier cream you have to hand. Sudocrem, Vaseline, Eight Hour cream if you’re feeling fancy. What ever you choose, put masses of it on before the fun starts. Believe me, from experience, you do not want to wait until after it starts.
Try and read the instructions better than I did. Because it’s official. I cannot read 24 hour clock times.
I have dyscalculia, and numbers are not my friend. I accidentally started my prep two hours too early.
I didn’t do my marine corps training and therefore I didn’t remember what 17.00 hours was! ;)
But the facts remain the same;
Colonoscopies save lives.
Personally I’d rather die of embarrassment showing my bum to a doctor (for those with bums) than die because I feared embarrassment.
***********
Today was the big day!! Colonoscopy day!!
So first things first. I got the all clear - all good, I only have to repeat the experience in 5 years time!! Let’s hear a YAY for my bowels!! Good on you!!
So that’s amazing! Not a guarantee as I know to my cost. But today was ultimately a good day!
It didn’t start too well though. The checking in process was ridiculous and upsetting.
The first nurse booking me in handed me a pot to do a wee for a pregnancy test.
I explained why this was not necessary. As I had an oophorectomy during the AP Resection 13 years ago. The surgeon doing my colonoscopy today was part of the team back then.
She wouldn’t accept what I was saying. She said she’d check with another nurse ~ who also wanted me to do a sample.
She came back a few times, to try and get me to do it.
I found it terribly upsetting.
Especially when the nurse said “you’re still of the age, so you never know”
*Not that I said this out loud but ~
Know? No, I do fucking know. That opportunity was taken away at aged 36! It was/is the biggest upset of the entire cancer diagnosis.
I know very very fucking well I can’t possibly be pregnant!*
It was horrible. I was asked by 2 nurses to do the test. Until one went off to check with the ward sister.
I was clearly upset, but they just wouldn’t listen.
One said “we can’t just take your word for it?”
I said the surgeon doing today’s colonoscopy was part of the team that removed said ovaries…
To which a nurse replied “no, no, he doesn’t do that, he’s not a gynaecologist”
Yes, I know that, but they were definitely removed and he was definitely part of the team operating.
I felt like I was being gas lit right in front of my very sane eyes!
I appreciate a box or two needed to be ticked. But have some compassion, common sense, and wiggle room where appropriate.
Then they wanted me to wear the colonoscopy modesty shorts.
I said no, I’ll wear my own knickers thank you.
“No you can’t do that!! The tube will go up your bottom”
I said well if it does something has gone very wrong.
I had just told her I had an AP Resection, which always means permanent colostomy, a nurse with some years experience should know this.
I felt like I was in a mad house.
That aside, my surgeon was amazing, as was his in theatre team. They were fun, reassuring and generally delightful.
I asked my surgeon for extra sedation because I have a mortifying habit of bossing my surgeon around during the scope, even with sedation. So I explained how dreadful I find that and he obliged with some very good sleepy time drugs. Hello fentanyl my old friend. ;)
No ordering anyone around today, or if I did, I have no memory of it, so that was an absolute joy!
*The whole bowel prep process gives me anxiety, I had demonised the prep medicine…so I’d like to add my post colonoscopy comments on that;
I had Moviprep yesterday. It’s not delicious obviously, but it’s not as awful as my brain had told me (remembered) it would be.
Again, my brain anchored the prep to cancer, and therefore raised my fear and distress.
But…having changed a few things during the prep this time I felt yesterday went really well.
Definitely refrigerate it after you’ve mixed it up and put it in a nice jug.
Definitely add lemon cordial to the mix. I made it up to a litre with water and the lemon juice. Rather than with water to a litre and then add the lemon juice. This way you don’t drink any more than you need to.
Find a glass that holds 250ml, this will help with the portions. You’ll have 4 glasses per litre of prep.
Drink it through a straw, surprisingly much better than it touching my lips.
If you have regular colonoscopies you will never end up like I did. And therefore your colonoscopy won’t be anchored to trauma.
You will just see it as a test that’s just slightly ickier than most. But you will save your life.
If you’ve never had one - Promise me you’ll take the opportunity to have a colonoscopy as soon as you can.
Cancer wasn’t fun, it’s nasty, painful, soul destroying at times, and incredibly traumatic.
Did you know that with regular colonoscopies you can actually prevent some cancers, if a polyp is found and removed it cannot come back to bite you on the arse (literally).
I feel incredibly blessed and fortunate that I got a really good outcome today. Today it a very happy day! Xx
Before I left for the hospital.
Waiting for the team to come and get me.
Once I got home after.
Notice the theme of smiling. Because firstly, I’d look a right twat attempting to pout. And secondly smiling when you can feels good.
Tomorrow’s smiles are never guaranteed, so use them up today. :)
Xx
Keep well. X