My blog this week begins and ends with a curry.
Nothing gives me greater joy than being able to go out and eat in amazing places.
I’m a terrible cook, so eating out is almost a medical need. Hahaha, we should get it on prescription.
(That said, our house guest Olya says I’m a very good cook, and for that I will be forever grateful to her). Xx
But for me eating out is incredibly special. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of the thrill of being out and about, eating what I like, where I like.
Before my eventual diagnosis, while I was incredibly symptomatic of bowel cancer, but completely unbeknown to me (I visited my GP regularly with the symptoms, but was told I had IBS and piles) I couldn’t freely go about my day, and I certainly couldn’t go out to eat.
My world had become very small. We didn’t fly anywhere for the 8 years prior to diagnosis for fear of shitting myself.
And I only felt comfortable to eat out in one restaurant, which was local to us.
I knew the route to the toilet very well. I felt comfortable enough to use it should I need to.
I didn’t really notice how small my (our) world had become. It’s not like it was an overnight transition.
It wasn’t a case of I’m fine I’m fine then…BOOM!!..I’m not fine!!
It was a slow process. It wasn’t an unnoticed one, but it was a slow demise from what had been before.
I just adapted and got on with it. Which was half the problem. I am very pragmatic and resilient. I just deal with what I had to, when I have to.
It came in handy during the pandemic. I was happy to hide at home from the virus, I was also happy to go back out to play once we were allowed.
I am very adaptable to my environment. It’s a great skill to have be honest. It came in very handy during cancer treatment and during the pandemic. Both occasions time is no longer your own.
However, It didn’t come in handy when I was symptomatic of cancer. I just got on with life, when really I should have been jumping up and down insisting on further checks.
I don’t think I’d make that mistake again. At the first sign of trouble I head to my GP, and if I have no luck there I go to a private GP.
I leave no stone unturned now.
I happen to really love and appreciate my life. My stoma life.
It felt like after my operation - I was reborn.
I had a new body to deal with and that new body had a new way of doing things.
And I couldn’t be more grateful for it.
I saw a fellow ostomate say they’d been told via social media, that the other person would rather be dead than shit in a bag like her.
I’ve heard it said so many times before to us. It’s actually getting a bit tiresome now.
I felt very sad for the ostomate, who is out there speaking her truth, spreading positivity about stomas only to be hit in the metaphorical guts (pun most definitely intended) with someone saying they’d rather be dead that have what she has.
I have a fair bit to say about this far too often proclaimed statement;
1, oh do **** off!!
2, yes, there’s always that option, so the choice is most definitely yours to make if the time comes.
3, are you ******* kidding me!!?! You’d rather be dead than living a good life?…Interesting.
4, learn resilience
5, learn compassion
6, and once again, **** off!!!
There have been really sad cases where people have actually, actively chosen dying over a stoma. I find it beyond heartbreaking.
Mainly because I know how I felt at the idea of the stoma pre op;
Traumatised, horrified, scared, willing to sit life out and stay hidden indoors.
And now, I’ve lived it and experienced it…
Joyful, happy, grateful, blessed, addicted to fun, family time…and jewellery, shoes and bags - all those gloriously irrelevant, materialistic, self indulgent things…because I can! Because I’m alive to do so.
…and a bit of charity work thrown in for good measure and positive karma.
I believe people take the news of having a stoma badly because it is perceived to be dirty, disgusting, unwelcome and unwanted.
I know that’s how I saw it Pre op.
But living it I was able to see how incredible life is. Nothing gives you a boost of confidence than nearly dying of something you ultimately survived.
It’s like a massive shot of adrenaline, the effects of which have lasted 12 years.
So yes, the choice is anybody’s to make. Choose life, choose death. Absolutely up to the person to decide.
It might however be for the best that people don’t keep saying the ‘I’d rather be dead than have a stoma’ line out loud.
Because although the person they are directing it at may well be confident and comfortable with their bag life, someone else reading those comments might not be.
If someone threw the “I’d rather be dead than have a bag” statement at me, firstly I’d get the true measure of the person.
And most importantly I’d say “see ya!!!”
If someone is nasty enough to say it to a person with a stoma, then the world isn’t going to miss them anyway.
Let’s face it, It’s not said as a cry for help by someone scared and suffering.
It’s said out loud by a moron - as an insult.
If a person facing a stoma feels helpless and hopeless about the new way of life, I’d say just give it a chance. Try it.
Read my blogs, or find someone who writes in a way you like.
Because I absolutely promise you, what you think life will be like and what life is actually like are very very different.
So last week Chris headed to a meeting in London. And I headed up to there for some retail therapy.
I had a lovely time window shopping and actual shopping.
Then met up with Chris later on for dinner.
Dress from Jigsaw, Shoes from Chloe.
I stopped at Fortnums for a little light refreshments. :)
And then to our favourite restaurant for dinner.
It helped very much that Chris was wearing the appropriate attire. We saw a man turned away due to wearing the wrong trousers, who wasn’t prepared to borrow a pair of spare waiter’s trousers, fool that he is.
…I’m not definitely sure but so far this seems far better than choosing to be dead ;)
One of my most favourite things is to eat dinner here. We went there 18 hours after getting off a plane, back from 17 days in India.
It’s definitely our favourite place to go.
Find your joy and live it as much as you can while you can.
Then on the weekend we headed off to Ireland for a really special adventure.
I bought Chris an Ancestry DNA kit for his birthday.
The results revealed some interesting things.
Chris had a grandparent missing. He knew absolutely nothing about his grandfather on his maternal side.
The results came back that he was 1/3 English, 1/3 Scottish and 1/3 Irish.
The Scottish bit had been a possibility, but the Irish part came as a huge surprise.
Anyway on the back of those results, way back in February, Chris booked us to visit Galway, because the Ancestry test had narrowed down the area of heritage to here.
We were already excited to go and explore. But on Monday last week, some 5 days before our trip, Chris went back into his Ancestry account which had been updated.
Only to find the name of his missing maternal grandfather (a Scottish man) and his Irish Great Grandmother, Hannah Coyne.
It was extraordinary to see her name in writing.
And to discover her connection to Galway. Although she was born in Donegal, all her family were from Galway.
So now we had a name and a photo of her.
It really brought the trip to life;
Hannah McNaught (born Coyne)
1879 - 1964
Birth: Apr 1st 1879
In Moville, Donegal, Ireland
Married to: Francis B McNaught
Francis B McNaught
1882 - 1952
Birth: June 11th 1882
So off we went in search for a bit of history.
It is worth pointing out that I have literally zero heritage connection to Ireland. Which in itself is weird because my maiden name was Mullins, which as far as I’m aware is an Irish name.
I’m actually pretty pure blood English, much to my chargrin. I was hoping for something a little more exotic. :)
…as you can see I have the colouring of the exotic haven’t I!?! Hahaha
Anyway having no connection to Ireland didn’t affect my enjoyment of the trip. I don’t have any ancestral connection to Iceland, India, New York or Corfu but I love them very much. :)
It was wonderful seeing Chris so engaged with his heritage.
My results are below;
We started off with a drive along the Atlantic Coast Way. Which is absolutely spectacular.
The thing we noticed most was how clean it was, not a drop of litter in sight, and how pristine the houses are and how pot hole free the roads are.
It felt like a parallel universe to England. The complete opposite in fact.
Top from Holland Cooper, Leggings from Tesco, Shows from Christian Dior
Another flight. Another adventure.
I think this was to be flights 16 and 17 this year alone…
I’m still sticking with this all does rather suggest living with a bag is better than dying without one.
Just my opinion of course, ;)
Jumper from Hollister, Jeggings fromTesco, Shoes from Christian Dior
Oh Ireland in the sun…. :)
We stayed at a hotel in Salthill just outside Galway city centre. An absolutely stunning place and one I’d like to return to.
There’s an amazing diving platform into the sea. And there were hundreds of people wild swimming in the clear waters (something inadvisable in England right now with the sewage).
It looked so much fun, even though it also looked incredibly cold.
Was I tempted? Yes, I was a bit, but then I say that as someone that didn’t have a swimming costume with me. ;)
Shoes from Jimmy Choo
The forecast had said it would rain throughout our entire trip. But actually it was for the most part glorious sunshine.
We did get caught in a downpour on our after dinner walk (they’re becoming a thing for us).
There were many poignant things that Dame Deborah James brought up in the final days of her life.
And one that touched me so much was about sitting out in the rain because it might be the last time rain touched her skin in her life.
And I felt that a lot. I don’t see rain as a negative. If you live in the now, appreciating the moment you are living in, then very few things can be a negative.
We woke up to glorious blue skies and excitement for our day ahead.
Jumper from Hollister, Jeggings from Tesco, Shoes from Christian Dior
We had such an incredible time. Ireland is firmly on our radar.
I can see spending so much more time there. Exploring it further.
Only an hour’s flight away, and an absolute delight.
Although we didn’t find any living relations to Chris, we found a cemetery that had members of the Coyne family. Whether they are related to Chris we can’t be certain but it was an interesting find nonetheless.
Galway is a beautiful city. I’d definitely recommend a visit. We were walking past a beautiful jewellery there shop called Cobwebs.
I think the name made me stop and look, as my mum and dad always used to talk about blowing the cobwebs away with a good brisk walk.
Anyway I saw a ring in the window which struck me as utterly spectacular. We went in to have a look. I was only window shopping. Day dreaming really.
I tried it on and surprisingly it fit me to perfection, and then Chris said he loved it too and we’d take it!!
Honestly - Cobwebs blew me away!! So that’s a turn up for the books.
(Just to reiterate, I am not a gold digger. Chris was unemployed when I met him, completely jobless, car-less and living back with his parents. Just in case there was any doubt - he had potential of course. I could see that I will admit). hahahah
I am utterly in love with my new ring.
It’s aquamarine, which is my mum’s and Zak’s birth stone. So I now have a special connection with Galway too.
Ireland is wonderful. The scenery is beautiful. The people are so warm and friendly and welcoming. It’s the perfect antidote to stressful real life.
May your heart be light and happy, may your smile be big and wide, and may your pockets always have a coin or two inside!
Those eagle eyed amongst you will notice I am wearing trousers for the duration of our Ireland adventure. They look like denim but actually a super soft stretchy fabric.
So the risk of leaks is a lot less that with a traditional denim jean.
We got home and I decided to do a little autumnal table scape. I find it very therapeutic. I can lose myself in creativity. And as I have no other talents I might as well make the most of the one I do have.
Olya came downstairs to be greeted by my creation and asked what we were celebrating. I didn’t have a definitive answer. But Autumn will suffice. :)
Tuesday, my friend Kim and I decided to go for a walk. We walked and talked, and talked and walked, and eight miles later we arrived back home. I’m not sure either of us were planning to walk that far. But it’s certainly a lot easier when you have someone to walk with.
I walked 24 thousand steps that day. So I won’t need to walk for weeks now! Hahahahaha
Handily it gave me an opportunity to wear the sports clothing I bought for the photo shoot the other day. I’m not an owner of a massive collection of sporty outfits. :)
Then after work Chris and I headed up to London to collect something I had ordered, and as we were there we thought we might as well stop off in Harvey Nics for a curry at Madhus.
Rude not to really…
Dress from Tesco, Boots from Ralph Lauren
The heaven opened once we got to London, but like I said there are no bad days. No bad weathers.
There’s that slightly cliché saying “don’t wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain”
It’s true you know. There will always be the next storm. Learning how to deal with it is all that matters. :)
Curry eaten. Hearts and stomachs happy we headed home ready for my next adventure.
By the time you’re reading this I’ll either be in Athens or on my way there.
Ready for flights 18 and 19
:)
Au revoir…or should that be αντιο σας…