I’m running so behind with this week’s blog.
I hadn’t given it much thought to be honest. And then it occurred to me. Why is it so late in the making this week?
And the reason is quite simple, I’ve been so busy (not busy like actual important people, with actual jobs busy), I’ve been non stop, out and about having fun, day after day.
And then it struck me! I’ve been on the go all week and still going.
A few months ago I’d have been curled up in a ball weeping by this point. But I’ve still got energy to burn. The tanks are still full and I’m having a blast.
How?
Good question. The only answer that I can come up with is testosterone. Well, testosterone and progesterone and oestrogen patches and oestrogen pessaries.
Basically, what you see before you is the bionic woman. I am brought to you today, powered by HRT.
The créme la créme of HRT at that.
This woman…
…and this woman…
…are one and the same. The only difference is one of them can get to the end of the day still full of energy. Not weeping, and fatigued.
So let’s break it down;
12 years ago, aged 36, during the surgery to remove my anus, rectum, some large intestine and a stage 3 colorectal cancerous tumour, I also had an oophorectomy to remove my radiated ovaries. (My womb was meant to go too but sadly I haemorrhaged badly, and that wasn’t possible).
After my surgery I asked about HRT and I was put on tablets. Just one little tablet a day, I took that tablet for 11 years.
…Until last year I decided enough was enough. I wanted more out of my life. I wanted to feel human again. I wanted to feel whole. I wanted me back.
I was very lucky. (Yes, I do consider myself a very lucky woman) Because I didn’t have to play a guessing game of - what’s wrong with me?
I knew I was in full menopause, actually, I suppose I was instantly post menopausal. I had none of the equipment left to make any of the hormones our ovaries produce.
But even I, a woman who knew she was menopausal still struggled to get the correct formula of HRT for me.
How then are women who have no idea if their symptoms are due to the menopause going to get any help?
It’s an utter clusterfuck that women are being so mistreated. And I mean that in the literal sense.
A friend of mine went to her doctor with classic peri menopause/menopausal symptoms and was pooh poohed - given antidepressants, a pat on the hand and sent on her way.
She felt so abysmal, even after taking them for a few months. She went back to see a different doctor, was then taken off antidepressants, put on HRT and is feeling incredible, some 10 weeks later.
It’s not rocket science. It’s so startlingly obvious, and yet women are being told how they feel, rather than being heard and listened to about how they feel.
Menopause can be a bitch. Menopause can be a breeze. There is no one route through. We are all so different.
There is no adequate blood test for menopause. Do not accept one, and definitely do not pay out for one.
Because unless they are taking readings of your blood every minute of the day for months on end, it won’t give you an accurate picture.
Hormones fluctuate - which is the problem to start with. It’s those fluctuations that can make us feel like we are losing our minds and worse.
So I’m sticking with, I’m lucky, because I knew what my problem was.
But even me, who had an instant menopause, have only in the last 8 weeks or so been on the full quota of medication for my needs.
I don’t feel so incredible that I could run marathons.
But I do feel incredible enough to still be bouncing and vibrant by the end of the day, and I have gotten through the last few months of extreme stress with Sam not being well, with my sanity intact. I’m pretty sure without the full shebang of HRT I’d have been a jibbering wreck by now.
I feel better, I get more done. I can keep going day after day. I am reborn.
*I have no idea of what my real, actual baseline of energy ever was. My cancer was misdiagnosed for 7-10 years before I was eventually diagnosed. I was suffering from cancer fatigue for at least 5-7 years. So I haven’t got a clue what my normal was meant to be like.*
The biggest question I have now is “Why I wasn’t put on all 3 hormones when I lost my ovaries 12 years ago?” I have no answer for that, other than I just kept quiet and assumed this was the best it would or could be.
All I know is, I’m feeling so much better, and it’s totally worth plucking a few extra thick black hairs off my chin in exchange for feeling like I do now.
If you are struggling with what you think might be menopause or peri menopause symptoms, have a Google, follow Dr Louise Newsome on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, learn more about menopause and then please go back until you find a doctor that will listen.
Because honestly these last few months have changed my life, and I want that for you too.
Husbands, partners, fathers, sons and brothers all need to know about menopause too. This is not just a female ‘problem’. This is an all of us issue.
Xx
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So what have I been up to for the last week, well loads.
I’ve been out and about, seeing friends, catching up. I’ve been to online meetings as part of Patient Involvement Panels, using my insights of lived experience, to aid researchers, scientists and developers.
It’s something I’m very passionate about, mainly because I survived, when others haven’t, so I feel compelled to make good use of the time I have been given.
Dress from Oliver Bonas, Boots from Ralph Lauren
Do you have to dress up for a Zoom meeting? Absolutely not. But I own a wardrobe of beautiful clothes and, let’s face it, who knows how long we have left on the planet, so why not live each day as if it was the last.
Sounds corny but I’m not getting to the pearly gates - wishing I’d just done more, seen more or dolled myself up more. Do it all while we can, while we’re here - now.
(And yes, I appreciate its laughably unlikely I’m going to heaven. But as the great Connor Brothers painting goes “I don’t want to go to heaven, none of my friends are there”).
The weekend was fantastic!
We went up to London for a mooch, and to buy drugs…ok, so it was only antihistamine but I was pretty desperate for them.
I use 25mg of Phenegan for sleep every night. Have done for years. It’s not a particularly great sleep aid, but it’s all I’m prepared to take. I have been offered the big guns of sleeping tablets, but I have no wish to go down that route.
Well just my luck, Phenegan is now impossible to get hold of in the UK. I should know, I’ve visited 18 pharmacies, and so too have my friends and family.
One of my friends found the last pack, of 8 tablets, in a pharmacy in Norfolk. And some of my friends searched in Wales for me. None to be found there either.
What a wonderful land we live in at the moment.
Anyway, we decided we’d give a few pharmacies in London a try as I’d bought them there before.
The first one was like the rest I’ve tried, and completely out of stock.
But I gave the pharmacy in Selfridges a go, the Phenegan in there is 3 times the price of other places. So I had an inkling they may well have some left.
Jumper from Holland Cooper, Trousers from Tesco, shoes and bag Tods
Ain’t she just the chicest little junkie you ever did see!!
I have honestly never felt more like a drug addict, than I did when searching pharmacies throughout the country for antihistamine.
Thankfully I struck gold in Selfridges, I bought a pack, and then Chris bought a pack, and then I put dark glasses and Chris’s coat on and bought another pack.
I went back in disguise! Actual disguise!
So I have enough to keep me going for a few months at least, which I hope will be long enough to get through this ridiculous shortage.
They are however, available in America, Canada and mainland Europe. It’s just here that’s having a problem. What fun!
We made a day out of our search, and went to all our favourite places too.
We came out of Selfridges and bumped into one of my favourite cousins, Jason and his wife Helen. I have a lot of cousins, but it’s pretty unusual to just bump into them on Oxford Street in London.
Only 33 years difference in between these two photos. :)
We had a really lovely catch up with him and his lovely wife…and as promised, he’s made it onto the blog. :)
We then headed to Fortnums to get a few bits and a wee. One of the nicest toilets in London if you ever need one. :)
And while I was in there for some marmalade, and a wee, we thought we might as well stop for a milkshake or two…
…yeah, I said 2!!
:)
We then did a bit of dress shopping in the area, because I’m desperate for new clothes…yep, total lie…I did say I wasn’t going to get into heaven. :)
And then headed to Chutney Mary for dinner.
Yes, I’m well aware I just consumed 2 very large milkshakes. You have to agree that the intestinal fortitude on this girl is pretty impressive. :)
Live in the moment. Don’t worry about tomorrow.
It was such a great day. I got my antihistamines, we saw my cousin, we ate a lot. I’m not sure there’s much more to want for.
Sunday we decided to go to the cinema. You know me well enough to know that I really very much dislike the cinema. But the more you go the more you get used to it (or that’s what I’m trying to tell myself anyway).
We went to watch: Don’t Worry Darling, it’s pretty good.
I’m not a Harry Styles fan, but he was ok in it. Florence Pugh and Olivia Wilde carried the film to be honest.
It’s a like modern day version of The Stepford Wives, with a deeply disturbing, sinister twist at the end.
I had to question why Florence’s character was pushing to find out what was going on. Her life seemed pretttttty darn good. A nice home, nice friends, a very attentive husband. It looked to me like she was doing pretty well out of the deal. ;)
I share a fair amount of similarities with the character too, I have a great life, nice friends, and I absolutely no idea what Chris does for a job, the only difference is she wanted to know! Hahaha.
It’s a good watch if you fancy a visit to the movies. I will admit I almost quite enjoy our Sunday morning trips. Nice and quiet, 2 bags of popcorn and a snuggle, chilling watching a film.
****
I went to another medical seminar this week, sadly it wasn’t as glamorous a location as the last one. All expenses paid to Athens is unlikely to happen again though, let’s be honest.
But St Thomas’s hospital, London wasn’t a bad place to go.
Dress and Boots from Ralph Lauren
The meeting is very secret due to the nature of development, but it is fascinating and will revolutionise the life of stoma patients in the future…
I popped to Fortnums, their honeycomb milkshake was calling my name…twice as it happens.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
I stayed in town and waited for Chris to finish work so he could drive up and meet me for dinner.
We booked into Brassiere Zedel, it is a must if you’re in town.
Fantastic atmosphere, incredible food, ridiculously good value prices for a high end London eatery.
This soup, which was delicious by the way, was £3.75!!! I paid £3.80 for a cup of hot chocolate in Starbucks.
So £3.75 for a delicious soup is a steal.
I had the Lemon sole as my main, it was heaven. Slightly pricy at £38. But there is plenty of choice on the menu. They even have a set menu for £15.
If like me you are monolingual, ask for the menu in English. I was getting no where fast with the French version.
It’s a fantastic place for a meal out. It’s got a great buzz about it. Bearing in mind it was a Tuesday night it was packed, with a queue out the door too.
*********
Wednesday mornings I volunteer at the food bank. It’s getting busier each time I go. It’s really very sad.
There are some misconceptions about who use food banks. These are not lazy lowlifes wanting freebies. In general they are just normal people, who through no fault of their own, something has gone a bit wrong for.
Of course there will be the odd one or two that are just pushing their luck. But for the most part it’s a very much needed safety net to catch you when you fall.
They are generally run by charities. The one I volunteer for is part of the Trussell Trust. It’s a church based group, but I’ve been welcomed in to be part of it even though I’m not religious.
If you can find some time to volunteer that would be amazing. But if you can’t do that physically, then you could help by donating a few pounds worth of food and supplies to your local food bank. I do appreciate things are tight right now, which is why your donation will be gratefully received.
It’s best to check your local food bank’s website for things they are in desperate need of.
I finished up then and popped to a private clinic in Braintree for my flu jab. I’m not old enough to qualify for a free one, or a covid booster come to that. So I did myself a favour a bought a flu vaccination. I’d be first in line to buy a covid one too but they’re not available to purchase privately anywhere as far as I know.
Flu season is expected to be bad this year. So fingers crossed. Xx
*****
Thursday morning I went for a walk with Kim.
A quite eventful one too, as I persuaded Kim to join me on the play equipment in the country park, where both of us were catapulted off of the giant slide in the ‘children’s’ play area.
Apparently using a fleeced jumper really does excessively oil your exit from said slide.
I then managed to get us lost on the walk to the Costa coffee shop at Gridserve Electric Forecourt in Braintree, we ended up the wrong side of the 8 foot high fencing and had to be rescued by a delightful young lady called Amy, who came out to ask what on earth we were doing the wrong side of the fencing.
With Amy’s help, initiative and determination, plus some considerable problem solving skills, we were able to go inside for a much needed hot chocolate and a wee.
So thank you Amy from Gridserve, very much appreciated. :)
Then it was back home for a shower and a hair wash to get ready for Sam’s birthday night out.
We were very excited about this. Firstly we’ve kept Sam alive to the ripe old age of 26, in spite and despite the best efforts of the universe, so yay for that.
And we were going to Arros QD for dinner. We enjoyed it so much a few weeks back, but we wanted to see if it’s consistently good. And I can tell you that it really is!
The welcome was warm, the food was amazing.
The staff, the atmosphere and food are off the chart. Definitely recommend.
Sam, Milly and Zak had been to the new interactive Jurassic World exhibition at the O2. Having seen the videos I really want to go. It looks amazing, although it might give me bad dreams, seeing as the film we’d seen on Sunday gave me nightmares. I’ve quite a sensitive nature as it turns out.
Zak (age 3) took it in his stride and enjoyed it very much. It’s terrifying, utterly terrifying, but he lapped it up, so he really doesn’t get his boldness from me.
Bless him, he must have been exhausted by dinner time. But he was an absolute star. He had a few tears when he wanted to take Pops and Nana to the dinosaurs for us to see it right there and then, but other than that he sat like the angel he is, and ate his paella (this kid, he’s 3 and more sophisticated than me).
Dress from Michael Kors, Boots and bag from Gucci
It was such a fantastic evening.
It’s been a busy but fantastic week. And still I have more energy than I’ve had in years.
Today is World Ostomy Day;
It’s a very happy day for me.
The whole reason I can live life as I please - is; a, Chris sponsors and funds it, and b, my stoma allows me the safety and flexibility my cancer ridden rectum didn’t.
I change my bag every morning and I’m good to go.
I can’t see mine as a negative. Because for me personally it’s not. But I have met a few people lately whose lives are blighted by their stoma.
I’m always shocked to hear some people’s experiences, because it’s so alien to mine.
Some people are having a rotten time. But still they get up and get on with life. I’m utterly in awe.
Of course I can go out and have a lovely time. I have a very well behaved low down colostomy. But having a problematic stoma and still carrying on, well that is beyond impressive. Xx
I hope you are well. And I hope your stoma behaves (if you have one) today of all days. Xx
Xx