I want to start this blog by saying that although I’m perfectly happy and at peace with my stoma, I am also very understanding of why others might not feel that way.
I get it, I really do. Truth is I don’t know why or how I’m so at peace with it.
My pre op expectation was that I would never come to terms with it. I’d live forever feeling less of a human, damaged and diminished.
The fact that I came round from surgery and felt safe, calm, completely at ease and most importantly at peace with the red blob on my abdomen, is a constant surprise to me, one which I am unendingly grateful for.
I didn’t do anything to make it this way.
I went to sleep completely traumatised and distraught, and woke up centred and feeling emboldened, but mostly happy and grateful that I woke up.
Maybe that’s the key to it. Although I didn’t even know at that time how dangerously ill I was during the operation.
But I just felt this huge sense of relief that I made it through.
Yes I was in a great deal of pain. Yes, I was very weak and poorly. But ultimately I was alive, with the chance to recover and get to live, really really, live a good life.
For me it was a a feeling of “so what, I now poo in a bag on my abdomen, so bloody what!”
A bit like when Lady GaGa was being interviewed and the interviewer said “why haven’t you answered the rumours about being a hermaphrodite and that you still have a penis?”
And she rather cooly and beautifully replied “so what If I do? my fans don’t care, and I don’t care, so what”
Be more GaGa. :)
For me my stoma is a so what.
But many people, understandably, don’t feel that way at the beginning of their stoma journey, and some never find that peace ever.
And out of the two experiences I understand theirs more than I understand mine.
I have no idea why I feel so comfortable, confident and calm.
If I knew I’d bottle it and ease people’s distress…and make my fortune.
I do find gratitude definitely helps with anything in life.
Living life as if it could be your last day here is also important. If you’re busy loving life, really truly making the most of it, it’s difficult to think about all the shitty bits.
I never save anything for best. No matter how much something costs, I never treat it like a precious museum piece.
I care for it, but I use it, wear it - any time and where.
I saw an interview about 30 years go with Joan Rivers and she said she found people saving anything for best ridiculous. Life could take one unexpected turn and you might never have used ‘the best stuff’.
It made so much sense to me. It gave me a sense of importance about how to live. Use everything, because you just never know.
From cutlery, cups and plates to clothes, shoes and bags. Enjoy it all, everyday, live without regrets and without kicking yourself for opportunities and moments missed.
I also very firmly believe in acknowledging gratitude. I started writing 5 things I was grateful for at the end of the day. But now I tend to feel it in the moment.
I like helping others too. It feels good. It’s a lovely feeling to know you’ve helped someone else. Maybe I do it for the wrong reasons, maybe I’m meant to be utterly selfless, and for it to be solely for the benefit of others, but as I’m not in the running to replace Mother Theresa I don’t worry too much about what my motivation is.
I’ve done all sorts of volunteering roles. I’ve enjoyed them all.
Currently I’m volunteering at our local food bank. Mainly because I enjoy it and also because the country is in a desperate state and as I’m lucky enough to be doing ok, it’s only right I use my free time to help other people.
This autumn and winter are going to be carnage. I really believe life here is going to be too expensive for most. But the people who will suffer the most are those who have the least.
Our food bank is running short on supplies, a sign that those donating are feeling the pinch too.
I’m sure this is something that is happening all over the country.
Don’t go getting the wrong idea - I’m good and kind for like 3 hours a week (so don’t go nominating me for a Jack Petchy award just yet) which allows me to enjoy the rest of the time to do as I please.
Weird maybe, a bit f***** up possibly, but as I’m happy I don’t give it too much thought.
If everyone that can could donate a few pounds worth of items that would be great. If everyone donated a small amount that would make a huge difference.
Dress from M&S.
We went out to celebrate our baby boy’s 24th birthday. We took him for a curry. I bought a Colin caterpillar cake, because is it really a birthday without one?
I took candles too, but Ben made it very clear he’d rather not make a fuss, so there was no singing from us, the waiters or fellow patrons. Which left the happy birthday song playing on the sound system. It was incredibly low key. What made me laugh a lot though was the birthday song must have been on some sort of party soundtrack. Because never in all my life have I sat in an Indian restaurant listening to Crazy Frog or the Ghostbusters theme tune.
Dress from Nobody’s Child, Shoes from Chloe, Bag from Jimmy Choo
Then Friday we did something very special. We took clients on one of the fabulous Belmond British Pullman trains. We absolutely love the trips.
They are glorious. Chris likes to do a bit of thoughtful research into fabulous experiences to take clients to, something that people would really want to do but can’t necessarily contemplate spending that much money on a day out.
The Pullman trains fit the bill perfectly, and if you ever get the chance to go please grab it.
We absolutely love it. And the clients have all said how good it is.
Three couples have said to us it was the best day’s entertaining they’ve ever had. So that’s fantastic feedback.
Anyway Friday was spectacularly good yet again.
Dress from a shop in NYC, Bag from Chloe, Shoes from Jimmy Choo
It’s such a great day out. The food is incredible. We had a five course lunch on this particular journey.
Speeding through the British countryside on a vintage train with good food, fine wine (not for us), and wonderful company, life doesn’t get better.
I always take plenty of stoma supplies with me because it’s a long day, a long way from home. So I have to have everything I might need available.
Better to have too much, than not enough ( a story as old as time).
It happened to be one of the client’s wive’s birthday too. So a cake was hastily bought en route through Victoria train station. The boys chose a rather dreary looking chocolate cake but were overridden by myself and Chris’s colleague’s wife for a beautiful purple ambré cake with cupcake topping.
It looked a treat but I didn’t have high hopes for taste as they often don’t go hand in hand.
(I bought a cake from a famous bakery chain in NYC once, it looked incredible but the taste was utterly underwhelming).
But this cake from Lola’s Cupcakes was a triumph! Although it said it served 22…apparently the cupcake topping is a portion too, what utter drivel!! ;)
The eight of us made light work of it. :)
Then Saturday Kaitlyn and I had hatched a plan to take Ben out for the day. He thought he was visiting his in laws. When in reality the four of us were heading to Harrods for pasta at the restaurant we love there.
On the way to that James and Tanya put their location into our group chat, so did our friend Micheal. We were all in London for separate reasons. But decided to regroup after we’d done all our individual activities.
The food at Pasta Evangelists is amazing. Simple and delicious. Plus I get free parking at Harrods so it makes it a very nice treat.
We then drove over to Soho to meet the others.
It was such a lovely spontaneous gathering. We had no plans and just went where the day took us.
First to Hun’s Tea Room, where I had the worst virgin cocktail I’ve ever had.
It was a salted lime smash with Sprite. It was revolting. It tasted like one of those drinks made from rehydration sachets for when you have a tummy bug.
The company more than made up for a poor choice of drink.
We walked around Soho and China Town for a bit, then headed to Bone Daddies, a ramen restaurant, where I had my first ever ramen!!
I hardly think that it’s a shock it was my first. I only had my first ever bowl of tomato soup the day before! Hahahahaha. I think it’s fair to say I’m a little stunted in my tastes.
Ramen was good. Who doesn’t love spicy chicken noodle soup.
While Tanya popped to the loo I practiced being a Hermes Birkin owner! I think it suits me…Chris, take note…
(Okay, so that’s never going to happen but a girl can dream can’t she!!?). :)
We had such a fun day. And yes, we did eat a pasta lunch followed straight after by a Chinese lunch. I was very glad I wore a loose fitting dress because quite honestly my bag (stoma, not Birkin) was quickly filling up by the second.
We decided we were all really full and needed a restorative sit down and a relaxing drink.
James and Chris both said we could do with somewhere we could chat, with comfy sofas and good drinks.
And as they said it we were outside a restaurant we’d never heard of, Arros QD, which had exactly what we were looking for within.
Unsure of the dress code we tentatively asked if we would be able to have some drinks and a sit down.
The staff couldn’t have been more welcoming. The drinks couldn’t have been better.
We then noticed it was a Spanish restaurant, and that their signature dishes were wood fired paellas.
I have never been to a Spanish restaurant outside of Spain. We were intrigued. It had such a fabulous ambiance we definitely wanted to go back. (Watch this space).
Photo above was taken by Tanya in the lobby to toilets. The whole restaurant is beautifully decorated, including the toilets.
The whole day was fantastic, and one that when I got up in the morning I didn’t know was going to happen. Some of the best days are the unplanned ones.
Then Sunday we had friends over for lunch in the shed. Obviously I scaped. And served my new signature dish (be prepared, if I’ve invited you for lunch, you are most likely going to get it).
Greek salad, roast chicken, fresh (bought) sourdough bread and sea salt butter.
In a time of high stress, but still a desire to see people, making sure the meal is as simple as possible is vital.
Table scaping calms and soothes me. Cooking does not.
Lunch was a success, because it was our guests first time over in a while. Perhaps by their 3rd visit they might get a bit suss that I can’t be bothered cooking. :)
Tuesday was super exciting and super top secret. I have been chosen to be one of the brand ambassador team for Ostique, a stoma innovation company.
I have known the team behind Ostique since 2019 when I met them at Bowel Research’s Big Bowel Event.
I have followed their journey and have been rooting for them all the way.
It’s all secret until their big launch in November. But I felt so honoured to be one of the ones chosen, and to join everyone for this promotional photoshoot.
I am by far the oldest of the group. So say hello to the grandma representative!
The rest of the ambassadors are so warm and friendly. It was lovely to meet them. They are all part of the IBD community, they all have ilesostomies.
I was the only cancer survivor there, and the only colostomy user, but they welcomed me with open arms.
What wonderful group of people the IBD community is.
It was so good to be a part of it for the day.
*What is IBD?
IBD stands for Inflammatory Bowel
Disease, and describes a group of
disorders in which the intestines
become seriously inflamed. It has
often been thought of as an
autoimmune disease and it results
in the immune system attacking
a virus, bacteria, or food in the gut,
causing inflammation that leads
to bowel injury.*
Dress from Nobody’s Child, Shoes from Gucci.
It was a really early start. I had to get up at 5 to shower and wash my hair ready for the day ahead.
I had to get to north London for 8.30am to be in hair and make up before we started.
If the photos come out as good as the glimpse I got on the photographers camera screen I will be paying to have them blown up and displayed in Times Square!! Hahaha
Because the little glimpse I got I looked super hot!!
Hahahahahah :)
Or maybe like Icarus I will be shot down in flames. Can’t wait to see how they come out. it was a super fun day.
The shoot finished earlier than expected, I was meeting Chris at 7.30 for dinner at Arros!
Yep, only found it on Saturday, but as we were headed to London for a date night after my big day out, we thought it was the perfect time to give it a go.
I decided to do a bit of shopping. Which gave way to a lot of shopping! I couldn’t carry it all.
I piled it all into a shopping trolley and waited for the cavalry to arrive. :)
I treated myself to a little milkshake in Fortnum and Mason whilst I waited for Chris to finish work and get up to town. And then I treated myself to another one too!
What!? I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten on the shoot because swimwear wasn’t until after lunch and quite honestly with a stoma and two abdominal hernias my belly sticks out far enough as it is without adding a sandwich and a packet of crisps in.
Modelling is hard work. No joke, I’m being completely sincere when I say it’s hard. Thank God I’m not actually a model. It was fun for the day though.
I got totally carried away in F&M, but I did make a start on my Christmas shopping. So at least that’s something.
Chris arrived in time to help me put all the goodies in the car before we headed over to the restaurant to celebrate my big day at my first ambassadorial photo shoot.
The food at Arros QD did not disappoint! It’s now added to our collection of London favourites;
Chutney Mary
Quaglino’s
Bluebird
Savoy Grill
Madhus
Pasta Evangelist (Harrods)
And now Arros too!
We discovered it by chance on Saturday, and tried the food on Tuesday.
The starters and entrées were a delight. The whole meal was sensational
If you love paella you have to go here, because this was THE best paella we’ve ever had in the 26 years of visiting Spain together.
The paella was so good we weren’t far off licking the bottom of the pan to savour it all.
We don’t really ever have dessert in restaurants in Spain, we usually just head to my favourite ice cream shop near the marina instead.
But we decided to give the rice pudding here a go. Oh my God! Seriously, Oh My God!
It was a cross between creme brûlée and a classic rice pudding and it was incredible!!
I did a bit of research because of the unusual name of the restaurant.
*Arros QD is an intriguing name. Let's explain:
Arros is the Spanish word for rice, and QD is for
Quique Dacosta, the head chef whose passion for
cooking seasonal rice dishes over wood fires
inspired the restaurant concept. Think paella with
a masterful modernist twist. Oh, and the woodfire
stove in question is six metres long, so you can
certainly expect a theatrical experience. A typical
dish might be butterflied sea bream, kalamata
olive emulsion with fennel and lime salad. Or
Galloway beef, sourdough bread, pickled onion,
mustard cress, and truffle mayonnaise.
And of course many and various Paellas.
book yourself in!
We have booked to go again for Sam’s birthday meal. And I can’t bloody wait!!
We headed back to the car, past a beautifully lit up Fortnums.
London was really lively and busy. It felt like a Thursday night rather than a Tuesday. It was heaven.
Week night date nights are the way forward. :)
To be honest it’s only Thursday now but I’m ready for a weekend of doing nothing.
Wednesday I was out all day. A few appointments in the morning, then headed into work to see the new seasonal colour change and updates.
I can say hand on heart the new season colour is a triumph, I definitely want to have it in my house on the feature walls. Honestly Neptune Colchester has never looked so good. It’s rich, luxurious but cosy, it says autumn.
Can’t do any reveals until next week but it is a feast for the eyes.
Dress from M&S
To be honest it’s only Thursday now but I’m ready for a weekend of doing nothing. I am soooo tired.
Have a great week. Stay safe. Use all the good stuff. :) xx