Right, I had another ‘****’ being mean to me on my Instagram.
A complete and utter stranger decided to, for whatever reason, abuse me for being fat. And I’m utterly fed up with nasty comments from private accounts that have no identifying photo.
If they truly believe what they are saying, shouldn’t they be open and put themselves out there?
My response;
1, what the fuck has it got to do with you what I look like????! Don’t like it? Then don’t look!
2, see point one.
I didn’t claim to be thin in my post. I’m not. My happiness and contentment in my skin is deeper than my outside appearance.
I don’t have to justify what I look like. It’s not my job to explain why I feel comfortable and confident when I don’t look like a Vogue model.
I don’t need to because my weight affects literally zero other people.
It’s my body. My life.
I don’t think she’s a monster for thinking I’m fat (She is entitled to her opinion) I think she’s one because she told me so.
Her opinion of me is none of my business. But she made it mine by telling me.
The world is full of problems right now, but the weight of a lady from Essex, enjoying her holiday and surviving to forty nine, isn’t one of them.
I used to starve myself as a teen. I was underweight. My hair and nails would fall out. My periods stopped.
I was lonely, sad and frightened of the world.
I’m now grown. I’m strong inside and out, I have a husband of 26 years, two glorious children, with beautiful partners, and a priceless grandchild, I have many friends who I’d do anything for and they’d do the same…oh and live in a gorgeous house, and drive a Carrera 4s, which does soften the blow of being grotesquely overweight! Hahaha
I think I’m going to be ok.
But why anyone would deliberately set out to hurt someone else I do not know. Of course it hurt, the comment was designed to, and it did its job well. But I can’t even begin to imagine how low you must feel to do that.
I am delighted to know that even when I was at the lowest points in my life I never once contemplated trying to make myself feel better by making others feel worse.
This is the photo that offended her so. A photo I captioned ‘This is 49’. Because I was delighted to have made it to 49.
I’m still delighted to have made it to 49, I don’t need to worry about the Laura’s and Tilly’s of the world because they’re having to live the misery that is their life every day.
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We’ve been back from the Ikos hotel in Corfu for over a week now, and it’s become patently clear that the outside world’s not for me! Hahaha
The anticlimactic crash from that holiday has left it’s participants feeling a little lost, a little flat, and counting down the hours till our next trip.
At this point I’m happy to go on any trip.
I had maybe forgotten how much I enjoy going somewhere new. It was a breath of fresh air to be away.
For so long during my symptomatic years, prior to my diagnosis, I didn’t go anywhere. I missed out on so much.
There were times where we’d book day trips out to theme parks etc, and at the last minute I couldn’t go.
I’d be having an episode of the bowel issues that plagued me for years. I missed out on days out with my boys. It still annoys me to think of it.
Why did I put up with the appalling symptoms for so long? Why did I listen to my GPs when they said it was IBS and piles?
Well, mainly because I didn’t know any better. I thought they knew it all. And I blindly trusted them.
There’s no point in having regrets, they’re not going to get you anywhere, but sometimes I just think ~ if only. If only I had pushed for further answers to questions I didn’t even know I had.
So I’m sitting here today asking you, pleading with you, if you or anyone you know has any odd or un-investigated symptoms please please push for further tests. Insist upon it. If all else fails - demand it.
Don’t let persistent, un-investigated symptoms carry on. For anything, not just bowel cancer.
There’re bowel cancer kits that you can buy online. I doubt they are 100% accurate but it’s better than nothing.
Be your own hero, be your own life saver. Be polite to your doctor, but insistent on having oddities looked into.
I could have saved myself cancer and a stoma if I’d had a colonoscopy back when my symptoms first started, I’d have had the polyp removed and gone on my way.
That wasn’t meant to be for me though, instead, I’m here writing about wanting you to get checked thoroughly because I didn’t get lucky (well, I did get lucky in so much as I’m alive and well now - I got very very lucky).
I am the mother of a cancer survivor and the daughter of a cancer survivor, and obviously a cancer survivor myself. You don’t get much luckier than that. But with earlier detection and vigilance I could have bypassed the whole cancer experience bit.
My unfortunate experience is what lead me to write about my life with a stoma, and life after cancer, so although I’d have rather not have had cancer, I’m glad I get to use the ordeal for the greater good.
I am very lucky and very grateful that I do have the opportunity to travel now. For eight years I was glued to the closest toilet, which meant getting out and about was nigh on impossible.
I’ve got to be honest. I wasn’t brave enough to risk shitting myself incidents to carry on with a normal life.
I am however delighted to get out and about into the world with a stoma. Because I just cannot see it as a negative.
It would be senseless for me personally to feel that way about my colostomy. It has given me so much. It gave me back the world to play in. How could I see it as anything other than a positive!?
Yes, it annoys and embarrasses me when it farts without a jot of warning. I could curl up into a ball and weep when it does that. But it’s a really small price to pay for the freedom I now have because of it.
Look how many countries I’ve visited this year alone. Six, in five months.
Pre diagnosis, symptomatic Suzanne didn’t even get to go on family days out to Alton Towers!!
I’d take my stoma life over that life everyday!
That weird woman giving me her unsolicited opinion of what a person with a stoma should be behaving like clarified that I’ve got the better of the hand dealt to us.
I’m loving life, merrily getting to go out in the world.
She’s looking at hashtags and slating strangers.
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My week was pretty quiet last week. I had a meeting with Bowel Research UK. Which was very interesting. I’m involved in a study investigating outcomes for Rectocele operations (if you have experienced one and would like to give your input and put your experience to good use please get in touch. The more the merrier The meetings are via Zoom at the moment).
I’ve never experienced a rectocele personally, I’m now lacking the ‘recto’ part these days, but doctors/studies need feedback of hospital experience and that I have in bucket loads.
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Then on Saturday I was going out for a little extra post birthday treat. Chris booked us into a restaurant in Chelsea that I had been desperate to go to.
I couldn’t believe it when he said he’d managed to get a table. I was so excited.
We decided to make a day of it, and combine it with getting a new phone for me.
Ben was at a loose end, as Kaitlyn was away so we invited him along too. The restaurant staff were fantastic and changed our table for two for a table for three.
Dress from marks and Spenser. Shoes and bag from Chloe
Thumb from Chris’s hand as my new phone has an extra lense that he couldn’t get used to. I had many thumb photos :)
We had such a lovely day, we started off with a cuppa in The Cadogan Hotel, it’s one of our favourite spots.
Then on for a bit of shopping.
Then onto the phone shop for my upgrade. While we waited for that we went to a lovely coffee shop, and had a some fabulous sourdough stick loaf and salty butter. Honestly, it was heaven.
Then it was time for my wonderful treat at the Italian restaurant.
I was so excited. I saw a few celebs were there a few weeks back, and I really wanted to give the food a try.
It started off well, the starters were fantastic. The burrata was dreamy, the whitebait divine, the bruschetta a treat for the senses.
Then it came to the mains, I ordered the Fusilli with broccoli…And that’s exactly what I got!
I kind of expected it to be a bake or have some sort of sauce that would blow me away, not that it mentioned a sauce, the mistake admittedly, was all mine.
I didn’t expect to get served a dish that I cook myself a couple lunch times a week. A dish I only do for me, and never in the evening. I wouldn’t dream of serving it to Chris.
I’m a terrible cook. I accept this. I’m not embarrassed at all, I almost celebrate this fact. ;)
So when I’m out in restaurants I’m very excited because I know I’m going to be fed tasty, delicious food that I couldn’t possibly contemplate cooking.
Like I said, I enjoy fusilli and broccoli a lot. It’s a great Slimming World lunch. But it’s not a restaurant dish in my humble opinion.
The restaurant was lovely, and packed to the rafters. It’s famous in the area. So it must have been just us who were disappointed by it.
All I kept thinking was that one meal out for the three of us would be a night in an Ikos. Wanting value for money is heightened when life is becoming more and more expensive.
Chris didn’t enjoy his main either. And Ben was merely satisfied with his.
We won’t be rushing back. We live and learn.
*Ironically, our friends own a fabulous Italian restaurant in the village we live in. If you want good, and I mean really good Italian food, I couldn’t recommend 47 The Street, Rayne, enough.
We should have gone there rather than traipse all the way over to the other side of London.
I added the cheese and black pepper to give it a bit if oomph.
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We parked the car in London. But as I had a massive bag with me I took spare supplies out for the day.
Often I’d leave most of my spares in the car and only take a small bag.
I took a spare pair of shoes too, my new bag is cavernous.
I’ve often mentioned/whinged about having to carry a bag with me. I failed to comprehend that a woman carrying a bag is not only routine, but insignificant and mundane.
I have an incredible collection of stunning bags. I could live full time at an Ikos for what Chris has spent on them.
I really shouldn’t whine ever about having to carry one. It’s normal for a woman to have a handbag.
It occurred to me the other day that it must be a very different experience as a man.
Though there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man carrying a bag about, most men (not all), don’t carry one in general.
I know Chris is capable of putting everything he needs for a day out in his jeans pockets.
So it must be a bit of a pain for a man with a stoma to carry supplies.
I remember when I was first told I needed a stoma, one of the stoma care companies gifted me a bag to carry round all my supplies in.
Well it was very kind of them but it felt massive, ugly and utilitarian. It just wasn’t for me.
I am a bag and shoe enthusiast. So I’m very particular.
After a few weeks of having my stoma I realised I could get away with carrying so much less than I was.
I have a colostomy, I very rarely have leaks. So my supplies can be condensed into a very small amount. I still carry all the essentials, but in smaller quantities.
I had a little Google of where I’d suggest bag shopping for the male stoma user.
These are my attempts;
Men with a stoma, much like women with a stoma don’t have to carry a massive bag. Once you are used to the peculiarities of your stoma you can get by with the bare essentials.
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Sunday was a very very happy day,
My baby cousin Kerrie, and her family came for lunch.
We adore them. Ben and Kaitlyn joined us too.
I decided to relive our Greek adventure and make my first ever Greek salad. I know, I know, I’m very very slow to the salad game. I only ever ate my first Greek salad - last October in Rhodes.
But I wanted to make something that was easy, relaxed and just a chilled out Sunday vibe;
A couple of cooked chickens, new potatoes, Greek salad, hummus Tzaiki and pittas.
It was a triumph of both taste and time consumption. :)
No one really wants to slave over making a meal…do they?
Well, I don’t. My focus is on table scaping, and making the place look and feel welcoming. The food bit isn’t my thing.
Top from Holland Cooper, Jeans from New Look, shoes from Gina
We had a lovely time.
And yes, I wore jeans, really tight ones (that’ll upset the haters), as a stoma wearer tight jeans can be so risky.
But I wanted to wear them later in the week, so I had a practice run in safe company.
I can report ~ No leaks today mum! :)
Thankfully there were no leaks Sunday, and no leaks on Wednesday either, when I wore jeans to a hospital appointment and then on to work for a meeting.
If you are wanting to trial something a bit risky, a new dress, new jeans, whatever it is, it’s best to give it a go in a safe environment first.
My cousin’s boys loved playing with the jewellery shop I made for Zak. And the sand pit I made.
My talents don’t lie in weight loss - clearly. They lie in creating happy memories and helping people be free of the negativity projected on us by imbeciles.
Please don’t listen to the nasty ones. They are outweighed and outvoted by the good ones. I very much appreciated the support of kind people on Instagram.
And as cack & clichéd as the saying “you do you” is. It works. It’s sound advice. :)
Top from The White Company, Jeans from New Look, Shoes from Hermes