Sun is shining… — Gladrags & Bags

The sun is shining here. Oh the joy of feeling the rays on our skin.
It just makes me feel so much more positive. I feel like I can do anything. Until it leads me to think about summer. Real summer.
Then I can assure you self doubt comes in to play - Some mild panic/peril creeps in for good measure.

Even after all my years on the planet I still think every now and then “can I wear a bikini on the beach this year?”

I am, most of the time, body confident, or at least body content. And to be honest I’d settle for body ambivalent on some of the days I feel yucky.

The point is though, I am proud of my body. It’s not really about what it looks like. I love it for getting me through the darkest days of my life and letting me hang around a bit longer.
I cannot and will not let foolish comparisons to others derail my happiness.

So I rework any negativity. I reshape it. Do I look like a model? Hahahahaha No!
But then, I didn’t look like a model when I was young, slim and carefree.
So the expectation of looking like one now, at 48, overweight, colostomy bagged and a grandma is a little unrealistic.
But does anyone have to look like a typical catwalk model to be happy on the beach in a bikini? Put simply - NO you don’t!

A happy life isn’t about never having a negative or miserable thought. It’s about processing those thoughts and finding the positives from them.

For example;

Do I look like a catwalk model? No!

Am I a catwalk model as a job? No!

So I don’t need to look like one then? No!

Do I need to eat like a catwalk model? Definitely no!

Can I do as I please, eat what like, have complete autonomy over my body because it’s not part of my job? YES!!!

In that case I’m glad I’m not a model, can we go to the beach now? ;)

ALL bodies are bikini bodies!! ALL that want to be ARE!
I prefer a bikini on the beach to a swimsuit. I prefer to tan more of my body.
Swimsuits work well if you’d rather not have your bag on show.
The main thing is, do what you want to do.

I’ve noticed that my belly is protruding more than it used to. Even more than it was last year. But I’ve got 2 hernias and have been struggling with a hormone imbalance for months and months, and I have a stoma.
Plus I love curry and cake.
In fact, it’s actually a bit of luck I’m not a catwalk model as it turns out. :)
I could cover myself up and hide away. But I don’t think that’s very me to be honest.
So yes, you will see me bikini this year. If anyone has a problem with it, well, please feel free to look away…

Once you change your mindset all things are possible.
That’s not toxic positivity (well, maybe a little bit). But if we let our negative thoughts (which by the way are perfectly normal) affect our lives, well then we’re losing the battle.
Life is so short and so precious that it would be silly to let it slip through our fingers.
If there is something you want to do. Something you want to achieve - GO FOR IT!
Find positives. See them, feel them. Let them take over.
*****************

We have been having some time at home. Away from people mainly. Seeing as soooo many people have covid right now.
Some friends have just been having mild coldy symptoms. Some are having a really horrible time of it. All triple jabbed, but it still effects people in such different ways.
There’s no point in saying the vulnerable should sit life out at the moment. Because quite frankly until you get covid you won’t know if you are in that category or not.

So, as we have some very exciting upcoming plans that we don’t want cancelled we are staying away.

Plus the weather has been glorious so there was no need to leave.
We stayed home and pottered in the garden. I was so excited to get out and cut the grass. But I forgot one important fact! We are the mower killers!

We’ve been through so many.

The sit and ride we’ve had a couple of years has been broken since last spring. It went into hospital mid summer last year and spent some considerable time in intensive care.
(It came back to us in January and it now won’t start).

I bought a brand new cheapish push along one to tide me over last summer.

I went out to cut the grass with the new one Saturday morning, It’s now broken. Petrol was pouring out of it as I was pouring it in.

I was wildly frustrated and pissed off. If the grass gets away from us it’s out of control in no time.
I dislike gardening, but I very much dislike it getting out of control and overwhelming us.

Chris said grab your coat…and took me to the mower shop. He knows how to woo me, that romantic, smooth ol’ bastard :)

I now have another beautiful new shiny mower to add to the collection. Which currently stands at 4! :)

Chris bought me my She Shed last year and I love it. It will get a lot of use this year.
The weather was so nice we dined out there all weekend.

Life just feels better in the sunshine.

I felt enthused to do some other garden chores. I jet washed an old table. which came up lovely.
I then decided to jet wash some old chairs. Chris said “oh, well sometimes jet washing wood ruins it”

I was all cocky and said “look I saw Stacey Solomon’s Instagram the other day and she jet washed wood, so I know what I’m doing”…

……yeah, I ruined those chairs! If only I’d known that jet washing some wood roughs them all up! If only there had been a sign!! Hahahahahah haha

Chris asked if I wanted to go into London for dinner? And to be honest. I really didn’t. Firstly I wanted to save the money for our adventures this year. And secondly the thought of getting washed and dressed and a face on held no appeal.
Sometimes I feel claustrophobic here. And others I relish the solitude.

Monday I did have to get the shopping for this week ahead.
(I have to share my joy of the scan and shop app from M&S food. It’s bloody brilliant! You use your phone to scan items instead of those in store handheld scanners.
It’s amazing! Scan your shopping as you go round, put it in your bag, pay on the app, leave the store. You don’t have to interact with a single other soul. And I am all in!!) :)

I’m a complex creature. I love people and socialising. but sometimes I have no interest in interacting with others.

I put a dress on and some sliders, because, well, the sun was shining and more importantly my feet are in bits. I started walking between half an hour and hour and a half everyday and I have destroyed my feet.
My very expensive walking boots wreaked havoc, so they were a great investment!
Then even my old, well worn, tatty trainers rubbed massive blisters.
So yesterday and today I have gone shoe less on the running machine. Only to get blisters on the soles of my feet.
I’m beginning to feel something in the universe is telling me not to exercise. Hahaha

I’m pushing through though as I want to lower my blood pressure, although getting all these blisters is raising it more by the day I reckon! ;)

Today I decided to get dolled up for a zoom meeting. I know it’s not necessary. But I just fancied it. I live by many mottos (I’m more of a mottos person rather than a rules person. I’m not actually a fan of rules at all. I’m very contrary, I would break them even if it was me that set them. hahaha).

Do what makes you happy. To me it’s the only way to make sense of life.
I even put perfume on. Not terribly needed for a zoom meeting but I know I’m wearing it and I’m the only person that I feel any need to please. :)

I had a meeting via Bowel Research UK. I have found great comfort and purpose in joining the Patient Involvement group via BRUK.
I’ve never joined a support group, I’ve never felt any need. I’m just happily plodding along in life. I don’t need support for that.
But I kind of just fell into Patient Involvement and I have to say I’m so glad that I did.
If you’d like to use your lived experience and give feedback to help researchers, scientists and doctors, make advancements in medical care and appliances, etc, please get in touch and I can pass your details on, or contact BRUK direct.

You have to understand that the advancements made might not benefit you yourself. But your input could make the difference to other people in the future.
We have a great camaraderie in the groups. We can share our experiences without judgement or criticism, and the information gathered goes towards making life better in the future for others.
I really enjoy it.
I’m not going to knock support groups. I’m sure they have their purpose for some. But if you don’t fancy joining one, but do fancy helping others Bowel Research UK is a great place to start. :)

*I’m telling you now. I smell incredible. Hahaha.
it’s Louis Vuitton’s California Dreams if you’re wondering. :)