I bring loud tidings this week!
Why loud? Well I’ve had my ears micro suctioned and now I can hear in full…what’s the sound equivalent of Technicolour? Surround sound?
Anyway. I had them cleared for the first time in two and a half years.
I have always had problems with my ears. I have very very small tubes. So it doesn’t take much for them to block. I must have missed out on the self cleaning, self regulating part when I was being made.
I used to get it done yearly on the NHS, for free. But along with the cut backs that mean I no longer get Ostomy room spray free, you now can’t get your ears syringed (free).
With the pandemic in full swing I forgot about ear syringing. We weren’t socialising as much, and to be honest, you just get used to less and less hearing over time.
Well I have news of a fantastical machine! I’ve always have ear syringing. Where warm water is pushed down the ear canal.
Micro suction is a big old ear hoover…and I loved it!
Dress from Phase Eight, Shoes from Fendi
I came out of the appointment with an actual spring in my step. Because my ears blocking up had been a slow process, I hadn’t noticed how it was affecting me day to day.
In fact I only noticed how low (and small) I had been feeling once my ears were cleared!
I felt free! Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else. But I felt lighter (mainly because the fantastic doctor had pulled about a pounds worth of ear wax from my ear ways!
Which should help at this weeks weight management phone call at least! hahahahaha.
But now hearing better, I felt lifted. Instantly happier in myself. Although now I have to contend with hearing my particularly whiny voice at full blast! A small price to pay to hear everything else too!
I can hear my hair as it moves, the touch of my hands on the steering wheel and the fabric of my clothes and bedding.
I took myself straight off to the town near where I live for a little mooch about shopping. I’ve not been to Chelmsford at all this year. But I just felt so instantly energised I wanted to get out and about.
The face of freedom. :)
It’s weird that I hadn’t noticed I’d stopped doing as much, or going anywhere on my own.
I can only imagine that my brain felt less confident and less connected with the world.
Similarly, I only noticed how small my world had become in the years leading to my bowel cancer diagnosis - after I had been diagnosed, treated and sent on my way back out to play.
I think it might be a good idea to check on ourselves from time to time. Just to make sure we haven’t simply adjusted and become accustomed to a reduced service from our bodies in our day to day lives.
Have you got so used to bowel or any body issues, come to that, that you no longer consider it a problem and therefore missing valuable time to get it sorted.
Although I went back to my doctor many many many times over the years due to the misplaced diagnosis of “IBS and piles”, I wonder sometimes if I would have pushed harder to get further checks if I hadn’t just become so accustomed to the pain and inconvenience of what I was told I had.
I have a high pain threshold, but also a high tolerance and resilience.
I just get on with stuff. I don’t think I’m alone in that mentality. And perhaps these gifts are amazing strengths to have but also our biggest weakness (well for me, that and binge eating!) ;)
So please, please, please, if you are putting up with something, that deep down you really think you shouldn’t be, or shouldn’t have to, go and see your doctor.
My ears being blocked wasn’t life threatening, but it was still silly to put it off. I’ve known for ages that I can’t really hear that well. Yet didn’t really join the dots and go and get it sorted. There is no white knight coming to save us, we have to save ourselves. :)
For anyone in the local area, who may need a good ear clean I went to:
Christchurch Clinics, 132 High Street
Braintree Essex CM7 1LB
Phone: 01376 329524
No I’m not sponsored by them. I’m just a very satisfied customer. :)
It’s a private GP practice with many other services available too.
Dress as above, Shoes from Gucci
After a delightful morning of window shopping and sunshine, it was a quick pop into home for a sandwich and a wee and back to the vaccine centre for the rest of the day. It was a fantastic start to the week that’s for sure.
Last week, prior to my ear renovation I was just plodding around. Same ole, same ole.
The weather here is a mixed bag at the moment. Chilly to the point of being cold, where people across the land were either tempted to or actually did put the heating on in August! And I imagine in most house holds there was also the one that’s keen to whack it on, and the one that’s resisting and insisting the other puts socks and a cardi on. Hahahahaha
I don’t think I’ve dressed for so many different seasons in one week as I did last week.
Dress from Ghost x M&S.
Top from Betty Barclay (picked up at TK Maxx), Cardigan from The White Company, Leggings from Tesco.
Top from DKNY (from TK Maxx), Leggings from Next.
Top from The White Company, Trousers from Hollister, Shoes from Jimmy Choo.
Dress from M&S, Shoes from Russell and Bromley.
(Notice a distinct lack of photographer in this blog? Well we can thank going back to the office to work for that. No longer does my onsite photographer work in a building at the end of the garden. Mirror selfie’s it is then!).
What do I want to prove with my clothes? Well every day I want to prove to myself that I was wrong pre colostomy.
No one but me really cares at all what I wear. So I am and everyone else on the planet is dressing for oneself. But it’s important for my self esteem and self worth to look nice and dress well. Is that shallow? Yep! Guilty as charged. Hahahahaha.
When I was told I’d need a permanent colostomy as part of my cancer treatment, I went to pieces, I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to admit I was ill educated, ill informed - ignorant in fact.
I thought I’d never dress well again. I thought I’d only have the option of big baggy track suit bottoms and baggy, shapeless T shirts and sweatshirts.
How wrong I was!! Pretty much as wrong as a person could possibly be!
Are clothes the be all and end all? No, of course not, …or at least it shouldn’t be. But as the saying goes “The clothes maketh the man”.
And in all honesty if I just wanted to wear baggy and shapeless clothes I definitely would, because I do what I like. But the thought pre op that it would be my only option, well that was difficult to come to terms with.
Finding out, once I had come round from surgery, that not only was my stoma nothing for me to have worried about but also a great sense of release, relief and in some ways joy.
I appreciate its not everyone’s experience of having a stoma. I only speak for me, because I know her well. :)
If you have ever had accidents with your bowels, you’ll probably agree that a stoma, in that moment would have been a godsend.
Well my feelings about my stoma is one of continuous godsend. I feel grateful and thankful to still be here. And part of what kept me alive is my colostomy, so my brain can only see the positives.
I can’t see the negatives, although I’m sure there are many. I choose happiness and contentment. I choose to give myself a break and realise there are things I can’t wear. Slinky, silky dresses for one, are a no no (for me personally) but with my hernia belly, and chunky (strong) thighs, silky dresses weren’t on my radar anyway.
I have yet to find anything I can’t do that I want to do with a colostomy. I have a feeling there isn’t anything.
You can run, ride, cartwheel, scuba dive and sky dive. You can do anything you choose to do. A colostomy won’t restrict your life.
I’ve found it’s only enhanced mine. I have flown more places post colostomy that I ever did Pre diagnosis.
I was terrified of messing myself in public after a couple of incidents. And I mean terror, true and real terror. So much so that I didn’t fly anywhere for a good 8 years before I found out I had cancer.
I was symptomatic for a very long time and scared to go too far from the comfort and relative safety of a ‘safe’ toilet.
Post colostomy I have flown everywhere I’ve ever wanted to go…and some places I never dreamed possible.
I’ve woken up in The Beverley Wilshire, living my Julia Robert’s in Pretty Woman fantasy…without the prostitution part I hasten to add. ;)
I’ve toured the most famous of all Maharaja’s wife’s tomb in Agra.
I swam in the crystal clear waters and walked along the brilliant white sands of Cuba.
I’ve walked through the casinos of Vegas (this one’s on the list for never ever want to do again).
The point is, good or bad, I’ve been able to do those things because I have a stoma.
And I do all of those things dressed impeccably, because I choose to, because I want to, and to prove that you can in fact dress well with a stoma.
*************
On the subject of saving yourself. I had, through all the lockdowns last year countless bladder infections and cystitis. I didn’t ignore it as such. I did contact my GP and get antibiotics after antibiotics.
It was fast becoming a drain on me. UTIs are not fun. But getting them time and time again was almost unbearable.
I had tried to get an appointment with my doctor to discuss it further. But wasn’t able to get an appointment. I wasn’t desperately ill thank goodness, and all doctor’s surgeries in the UK are incredibly over stretched with people that are.
So I bit the bullet and booked an appointment at private GP practice at a local private hospital (I didn’t know about Christchurch GP clinic at this point).
I had a face to face appointment where I was able to go through all that had been happening with my bladder and at what times it was happening.
She was great. A sympathetic ear is always a blessing. She explained that it might be due to my lack of hormones. (I lost my ovaries to the treatment of bowel cancer). And although I had been on HRT ever since then, I might have not been on the right amount or the right sort.
Ladies lady parts can suffer greatly through menopause. Sad fact of life though it is, you most certainly don’t have to suffer in silence.
Gone are the days of hysteria caused by the utterance of Hormone Replacement Therapy.
A great number of studies have shown no link between HRT and cancer in most women. (There are some women that can’t take it due to inherited health issues, but that’s a discussion to be had with a qualified doctor not me).
Some women sail through menopause, without complaint, and to those I say bravo, amazing, yay you. xxx
But some of us (I was 36 when my ovaries were removed, after radiotherapy had destroyed them and my womb) do need a helping hand.
There is no one size fits all, so a chat with an understanding doctor is vital.
I came home with a bundle of new HRT medications.
I paid for the first lot because it was a private appointment, you have to pay for the private prescription.
This presented me with a concern.
Would my own NHS GP be willing for me to continue with this combination?
I have been fretting for the last three months about it.
And this week I got the answer I was waiting for! I had written to my doctor to explain the situation I had found myself in. And that I was on a new HRT regime.
And this week I picked up my prescription from my NHS doctor!!
I’m so very happy. I was worried they wouldn’t allow it for what ever reason. But here it all is in all its glory.
It’s not a cure all. I don’t feel like a million dollars on it. But I feel a damn sight better than I did. And so far so good, no pesky bladder infections, my sleep has slightly improved (not massively but I take any improvement as a win), and I feel heard and seen by my doctors.
Which is very important.
******
just a quick one, I want to apologise if I offended anyone with my blog last week.
Never in a million years would I expect people to take a vaccine that they don’t want.
Never ever ever. I have plenty of friends that haven’t had it, for many a various reasons, pregnancy being one, but everyone has their own reasons.
And that’s their choice. I honestly don’t have an opinion on what they do, because it’s none of my business.
I don’t certainly consider my friends who haven’t had it done “anti vaxxers”.
They simply don’t want it. That doesn’t make anyone an anti vaxxer.
Anti vaxxers are a breed of people that go round screaming at people that do want the vaccine.
That’s a very different thing altogether.
I don’t believe in mandatory vaccinations. I believe in choice.
All I’m doing by volunteering at the vaccine centre is using my free time to help the people that do want to be vaccinated.
I am terribly sorry if anyone felt that I was getting at you or any unvaccinated person. It was never my intention. I was merely recounting an incident that happened to me.
I wish you well. Much love
S