Well hello there!
Chris and I are now fully jabbed. He got the call last week, the day after my jab, and went for it the next day.
So although we were told we’d be waiting 12 weeks, as was the government’s original plan, we both had it at 8 weeks.
Hallelujah! I feel free!! Okay, so it’s not got its full super powers in me until next Wednesday. But I feel so much more happy and confident in the outside world. This must be what Rumspringa feels like! :)
Our first proper, old fashioned night out (circa 2019, style) happened last week.
We went for dinner with friends that we haven’t been able to see for so long.
It’s funny really isn’t it. We’ve been starved of freedom to frolic with our friends and family for a very long time. And yet, when you get back together it’s as if you’ve never been apart.
I was a bit of a saucy minx, I’m 48, not dead. So I wore a see through top…and tight trousers for a meal out!
I know! What a little sauce pot! Although, I don’t mean because I’m being daring visibly. Let’s face it, I’m not a shy, retiring wallflower type, I’m perfectly happy sun bathing topless and bag on show in public.
No, I mean I’m being daring for the things you can’t see.
Tight trousers, eating and colostomies can be a recipe for disaster.
But, it’s what I wanted to wear. So I gave myself a fighting chance of not leaking by wearing a convex bag. It’s still possible to get leaks, even with a convex bag, but it gives me a little bit more confidence. And the risk paid off because I was fine all evening.
We had such a fantastic night. It felt so good, but also surprisingly, so normal. We’ve promised each other that we shall never take it for granted again to be together, and plan a meal out every month or so, for infinity.
I really look forward to being a hundred and still going for a meal out. That really is the dream.
When we were at the Savoy the other day, a little old man turned up in a chauffeur driven car, the staff had to physically hold on to him to take him to the Grill, restaurant.
Far from feeling sorry for him, I felt elated and inspired to be living the dream well in to my old age. Getting out up town and seeing friends. :)
It feels good to be back out again. Long may it last. Fingers crossed, touch wood and any other good luck charm you can muster.
On Friday something really exciting happened. I was sitting home, doing nothing (a common theme here), when I got a text from a friend.
My friend has been volunteering at vaccine centres for a while, she’s fantastic, she’s been doing something to help others and I for one was very impressed. I spoke to her about it a while back, and after I got my first jab I tried to sign up to volunteer, but there were no more helpers needed.
Well, she text me to say that the vaccine centre she was at was in need of people that very afternoon, so I rang them, signed up and hey presto all my dreams came true! I’m so grateful she thought of me. I finally volunteered and finally did my bit to help during this shit storm.
Let me explain a bit about myself. I like helping people. I like volunteering. In fact, I write my blog to help others. I’ve never once considered monetising it. It’s just a free tool to aid others. It’s hopefully something that gives other people going through what I went through alone, a bit of a guide - a virtual hold of hands while you navigate the new normal, and a bit of comfort and positivity at a confusing and confronting time.
I never wanted to monetise it because I don’t like the thought of profiting off of cancer.
I had it, I was lucky I survived. Plus, it unexpectedly turns out I love my life with a colostomy. I want to pass on the news that living with a colostomy is not the all out calamity I assumed (Pre op) it would be.
I volunteer for Bowel Research UK too, I attend meetings for them with scientists and researchers to help them with their projects. I’ve volunteered for things since I was 14, in The Red Cross. I love giving my time to things.
Usually during a crisis or disaster I’m all in for helping any way I can.
During covid, not so much!
I did as I was told, I stayed home, stuck mostly to the rules, and most definitely out of harms way from the virus. I take my health very seriously. Too seriously probably, but that’s a story for a therapist.
During Covid I didn’t help anyone. I didn’t volunteer. I just hid at home.
It felt incongruent with who I am as a person. I felt guilty and a bit ashamed. But in my defence, I’ve been in ICU and I didn’t love the experience, although in all honesty I don’t remember a thing about it. I was unconscious. But I’ve been close to death, she came knocking at my door. I didn’t fancy taking the risk. Ever again as it happens.
But now I have broken that spell. I have been able to do my bit. And it felt amazing!!
Okay, so it was only one shift, but I have another one today too. I’ll do as many as I can possibly do.
Now I’m double jabbed I’m happy to do as many as they want me to do. All I know is I broke the curse of inefficaciousness I was feeling.
It was fantastic to be on the ground helping. It was so nice to see people so happy and joyous to get their jab. I truly know how it feels. I still feel elated from having mine.
By the way, I had AZ, and I didn’t get a single side effect this time. I felt a bit queasy and really headachey and so tired with the first one. But jab 2, nothing, nada, absolutely fine.
So try not to fret if you’ve got jab 2 coming. The AZ one doesn’t seem to be so bad at all. I have asked around, and it does seem consistent.
I was on ‘hand gel and showing people the way in’ duty.
It’s a role I was born to play. Squirting anti bac on strangers!! Oh my lord, I’m almost over qualified for this job! This has been my dream for years, but in non pandemic times it is somewhat frowned upon.
I had the best time!
I also encountered people I hadn’t expected to. Where I was volunteering is near a few half way houses. A man, who very clearly had addiction issues came up to me to ask when he could have his second jab, I asked him if he had an appointment with this centre. He said he didn’t. And that he had been given an appointment for one but he accidentally slept through it.
It’s really very sad, heartbreaking and eye opening how people are living, or existing, in this case.
I wasn’t able to help him, as he had AZ, and we were doing Phizer. But I did advise him to ring his GP right now, (while he was lucid - not that I said that to him) and see if the GP could get him done ASAP.
I’ve never thought about how difficult it must be to keep on top of appointments, appointments for anything if you are suffering from addiction.
Believe me, I didn’t judge him. I’m in no position to. I had my own demons to deal with in my teenage years…and well into adulthood, with my twisted relationship with alcohol come to that. “There but for the grace of God go I”.
I really hope he and his companion have had their jabs now. They were both in the same position. If I see them walking past on my shift today I will see how they got on.
I greeted lots of lovely people. Lots of needle phobic people too. I hadn’t actually realised how common that is until I volunteered at the vaccine centre.
I was very surprised by it. Probably because I don’t think anything of needles. It just doesn’t bother me.
Once you’ve had those blood thinning ones in your tummy nothing ever seems that problematic again.
My B12 jabs sting like a bastard, but even they are nothing compared to the blood thinning ones.
My family had a very weird experience too. I didn’t get home from ‘work’ until well after all of them!!
This has never happened before, mainly because I don’t work (well I do the social media posts for Neptune in Colchester, but that is from home).
So I arrived home to find Chris, Ben and Kaitlyn making dinner! This was both weird and wonderful. :)
I was exhausted. I haven’t ‘worked’ till 7pm, standing the whole time and talking to 300 plus people for-…well, ever actually!!
I felt tired but satiated. I can’t wait to do it all over again.
*******
Saturday morning arrived, we started our day early with breakfast and a covid jab for Chris. And then we headed off to meet Sam and Zak at a farm.
The original plan had been for Chris and I to babysit Zak while Sam and Milly did two craft fairs. But the plans changed when Sam was no longer needed to attend a stall.
And all I can say is…thank heavens for that! Thank you universe for playing your part!!
We arrived at the farm. We hadn’t even been there 3 minutes and Zak took a tumble, a bad one, on sharp gravel. It was horrendous. His little knees pouring with blood. Him, beside himself with upset.
Oh my goodness it was awful. We tried to calm him to no avail. He must have been in agony.
The owner of the farm took pity on him and gave him an ice lolly, which Zak ate in between intermittent sobs. Absolutely heartbreaking.
We finally jollied him along, and took his mind off of his knees.
We went to see the animals. We walked up a hill, patted some donkeys and then we reached the top of the hill. Zak started running. Only momentum took over, and he couldn’t stop!! He ran at high speed into a bramble bush!!! When we pulled him out he had spikes sticking out of him all over…thankfully missing his eyes!!
Oh my goodness I was again thankful to the universe that his dad was with us!!
We then go over to wait for the tractor ride that takes you round the deer park part of the farm…and a duck walked up and bit him!!
The poor child!! What a day out!! Cut knees, a prickled body and a bitten hand!!
Again, I was thankful to the universe, to how the day had panned out with Sam being with us after all, but I was kind of thinking it could have worked a bit harder and actually kept Zak safe!! Hahahahaha
We had such a lovely day in between mishaps. He really enjoyed it. I promise you, he did for the most part.
What to wear for a farm and deer park? Well, unless you’re the farmer - wear what you like!
Dress from Zara. Shoes from Louis Vuitton
I took spare shoes, in case it was muddy. I’m not completely bonkers.
It was such a lovely day. I have never been so up close and personal with deer before. They are spectacularly beautiful and so gentle. Zak even gave one a kiss on the nose.
He’s amazing with animals though. His other grandparents bought him a little pony. He’s been riding since he was 1. He’s spent his whole life surrounded by horses. He’s very gentle and at home with animals, he loves them all… apart from when the duck bit him and the alpaca at the farm burped in his face after he fed it, he wasn’t a fan of that. He kept telling us how stinky alpaca burps are. Hahahahaha
We had such a fantastic day with the pair of them. It was so good to see Zak interacting with other children too.
The children suffered a lot during the pandemic. The isolation from friends must have been awful, but with Zak being just one when it started I had wondered whether it would affect his ability to make friends and play with others. Well, the answer to that is no! Whilst waiting for the tractor (after the duck bite) he made friends with two children. One 6, the other about 8. He doesn’t talk fluently but even that was no hindrance. He jabbered away to them. Walked off holding hands with them. And sat on the little girls lap during the tractor ride. It was adorable.
The little girl was super adorable actually. She’s in my lifetime good books anyway.
I said to Zak ‘sit with Nana’
…and the little girl turned to me with a confused look on her face and said “wait, are you not his mum?!”
I said no I’m his Nana. And then she said well you look like his mum…and I will love her forever more, so will my ego! Hahahahaha
We had a great day out.
Milly did well at her craft fair, so that was fantastic too.
Milly runs a great little eco company. Boundless interiors. You can find them on the web or social media, for all things reusable.
Chris and I headed home with happy hearts. That little boy is such a joy. He’s my favourite grandchild to date. :)
Sunday morning Chris and I headed to a car boot sale early. It wasn’t as successful as the others I had been to before, so we decided to go to one on the next day too.
Up and at em, bright and early. We now know you have to get to car boot sales early if you want the good stuff.
No problem for us as we are early risers anyway.
We (I) wasn’t as successful as I had been on previous trips. But that just makes me want to go to more and and more!! And this ladies and gentlemen is why I no longer drink and avoid gambling at all costs. Hahahahaha.
We got back from there with a few little treasures.
And then got stuck into the day. If you get up really early for a boot sale, it does seem to make the day longer. We fit some much in!
First job was to pick all the rhubarb and asparagus. We haven’t eaten any of this year’s garden produce, as I am trying to avoid excessive pudding eating and asparagus can be a tricky one with a colostomy. So I put it out the front of the house to give away for free.
Things I like to do; volunteering…and giving things away for free.
Why? Well, it’s very simple. I like how it makes me feel. I feel joyful and energised.
I don’t do it because I’m kind, a goody goody or a do gooder. I do it simply because I like how it makes me feel inside…so not quite as generous as it appears at first glance…but, I’m also a great believer in what you put out there you get back. :)
Karma can be good or bad. :)
I put my stall out, and very popular it was too. One lady asked how much the asparagus was, I said it’s free. She was delighted. I was too. :) It’s a win/win.
I then finally managed to plant out my plants that have been sitting on my kitchen window ledge for what feels like an eternity. Was this the longest winter on record?? I think it might have been!
Can’t a girl get a minutes peace planting her window box!? I found this photo on my camera roll. Hahahahaha
I set the table for lunch. I enjoy setting a table as much as I enjoy eating at the table.
The only reason I’m going to boot sales is I want to find pretty things to make pretty table scapes, without breaking the bank.
This scape is mostly from Ikea, the sunflowers are super reasonable at £2.50. The little round tea light holders were 50p.
The orange/yellow candlesticks (or candle stick holders, depending on what term you prefer. Ben and I are having a constant battle about what they are called. He says they are candlestick holders. I say they are candlesticks. After all in Cluedo you don’t say “Professor Plum with the candlestick holder, in the Study” you Just say ‘candlestick in the study’ and if my Cluedo analogy doesn’t prove it I don’t know what will!) anyway I digress, the yellow candlesticks were my grandmother’s, it’s part of a dressing table set. The colour was perfect with the sunflowers.
We had a lovely lunch and then I did something I’d waited all week to do.
This is a weird story, well, it’s a long one and a weird one.
I got home from the car boot sale the other day to find a really heavy package had been left for me.
I opened it to find packets and packets within. About 10-15 packs in fact. I opened one and it was pretty clear it was a photographic background/backdrop thing.
I panicked because I wondered what the F*** have I bought more for??
Then realised, I hadn’t, nor had Chris.
I’m really panicking at this point because why are they in my house. How did they get here. Who sent them and why?
The only thing I could think of was about two months ago I bought one photo background for an event I have planned later in the year, from a company on eBay.
So with no other plausible explanation I emailed the company to ask if they’d had a computer blip and sent them accidentally.
I got an email back the next morning.
“Hi,don't worry,these photo back drops are given to you for free.:)”
It makes no sense at all, as the one I paid for was £26, so why send even bigger ones for free....but thanks anyway!
Serendipitously I can use them to step up my table scaping game!
I think I might have a business model here. Fancy me creating themes in your homes?
I can do Christmas, pop art, zoos, love graffiti, New Year’s Eve, florals and more Christmas.
They are amazing!! Really good quality and very useable. I have 15 of them. All different designs too. I have no idea why or how they ended up being sent to me but I’m very grateful for them.
I think it’s part of the universe rewarding good behaviour. And this is why I do good deeds hahahahaha.
The one I bought from the company 2 months ago was £26. £26 x 15 is…well I don’t do maths, but it’s a lot. :)
The reason I had to wait till the weekend to get them out is I needed Chris to fold them back up. I can’t re fold anything. It’s almost a talent how much of a pickle I get it. Thank god paper maps are a thing of the past! The kids these days don’t know the agony of that being thrown into a crumpled heap!
So then comes bank holiday Monday. Oh joy!! A three day weekend. :)
Along it came in all its glory…and so did my insomnia, actually that comes every night. But on this particular morning I put it to good use.
We were up and out the door for another car boot sale at 7am.
The first one was slightly disappointing, due to a lack of sellers, but it was still fruitful for my scaping project.
Chris said we should try and find another one, so I Googled, and we did. It was a well supported one, very busy. And again, I bought some things I didn’t even know I needed.
Plus there was a fresh cooked ring donuts stall so we had them. Obvs!!
Chris then said ‘do you want to go to the Boreham boot sale?’ (This is the one we first went to a few weeks back)…So we did!!
By 11am we had been to 3 boot sales and Sainsbury’s to get our food shopping for the week.
If you get up early enough you really can squeeze the pips out of the day!! :)
And that’s how you bank holiday Monday!! Hahahahaha
Then back to the garden to get burnt to a crisp in my new bikini…bought that morning from Sainsbury’s :)
This week has been a blur. Meetings, lunches out, and volunteering, plus I squeezed in a little trip to the Wednesday boot sale up the road…and if it was needed, this is further evidence to support my giving up alcohol 4 years ago.
:)
Have a fabulous week yourself. Keep well. Get jabbed, get back into real life. :) xx
*******************************
Oh, I thought I might mention this just in case people don’t know how LinkedIn in works;
Sam happened to mention that someone who walked away from us, 11 years ago, whilst Sam and I were both in treatment for cancer, had been looking at his LinkedIn profile. It’s happened to me before too.
I don’t know if people know this but LinkedIn let you know who is looking at your profile. There’s no cheeky sneaking a peak and getting away with it with good old business ‘Facebook’ I’m afraid.
It got me wondering if they read my blogs. How hilarious would that be?
“I don’t want to physically be in contact with you, but I do want a good old nose at what you’re up to!!” hahahaha hahah
Sadly, for me, to miss out on 11 years of my children’s lives is unforgivable, especially at the most difficult and challenging time in the boy’s lives.
Thankfully and gratefully their absence hasn’t been felt. They haven’t been missed. But they have missed out. By their own choice. Simple as that.
I’m sad for them that that’s all they have. A quick look on a LinkedIn profile of one of the most spectacular humans on the planet. But we all make our own choices in this life. I know that I am happy and content with mine.
I appreciate I have never met their one and only child, but I’m ok with that, there is no burning desire to do so.
I have nothing against the child of course, and I would welcome her with open arms if she ever turned up on my doorstep. Although at 10 or 11 I think that’s highly unlikely. But you can’t miss what you never had. And that’s all there is to it.
It wasn’t ever, and would never have been my decision to walk away. But I/we have greatly benefited from their choices.
I am a peace with life. I truly wish that for everyone. It makes the world a more joyful place.
Namaste xx