Last Sunday I was out to lunch with a friend in London. We both chose the same food to eat and my friend jokingly said to the waitress ‘we’re twins’. Much to my delight, as my friend is 9 years younger than me and incredibly beautiful, I wish we were twins!
The waitress asked if we were sisters, clearly not believing the twin story hahahahaha.
My friend is Russian/Jewish, she is stunning. I said to the waitress that sadly, I was pretty much all British, so much so my Ancestry DNA test came back 95% pure British. I was laughingly telling them that I had hoped there was something exotic lurking in my ancestry but sadly not.
Anyway, blow me down, the following day I got an email from Ancestry.com to say due to better testing ability they could narrow down my DNA further.
So now I’m 95% British, 2% French (ooh la la) and 3% Jewish Eastern European!!
Yessssss! I finally got my wish of exotic!
My cousin is Jewish too (fully Jewish). I wished her a happy Shana Tova, as my discovery coincided with this special day.
I feel very happy now, so I was hoping for far off exotic like Persian, Indian or something along those lines, but I’m happy with my new found heritage. :)
OK so it doesn’t actually change anything. Seeing as I am just me, but still, it’s interesting to look at where you came from…other than Romford. Hahahahaha
We’ve had something of an Indian summer here lately, September has been glorious, it gave me a chance to wear a few outfits that I hadn’t got much wear out of during actual summer.
I absolutely love this dress, it feels comfortable on and looks great, I’m not sure I’m looking for any more than that from my clothes. :)
Dress from Phase Eight, Shoes from Hermes
I’ve often been foolish to put comfort fairly low down on my list of priorities in the past, but the older I get the more comfort I seek. Or it could just be that this year being how it is has caused me to re-evaluate what I want.
I know I’m ready for cosy knits and loose trousers, and boots, oooooh I love boots. I’ve bought some beauts for this season (well, Chris bought them actually, no point in lying, my wages only pays for pretty things for our home from Neptune, my wages only makes its way out of there in the form of cushions, throws, candles and footstools. hahahahaha).
The weather isn’t at the cosy knitwear stage yet but let’s face it, this is Britain, we are in no way expecting the late summer weather to last.
I have been going into work quite a bit lately, the new season colour is heavenly. Some colours come out for a season, and I think ‘oh that’s nice’, but some speak to me and my soul.
And this season really does that.
We were meant to have some family visiting last weekend but due to a family tragedy their end they weren’t able to come.
Which left Chris and I at rather a loose end. So Chris suggested that we pop to my work and buy the new season paint and do a feature wall in the dining room in it.
I was very excited and impressed. I’ll tell you for why, for a long time Chris hasn’t felt terribly well. He was discovered to have a severe iron deficiency. Also, he’s had back problems since I met him and on top of that at the beginning of lockdown he had either Shingles or COVID-19, we’re not sure which as we didn’t go to a doctor for obvious reasons.
So to say he’s been under the weather is an understatement.
But he’s been taking iron tablets for 2 months now, and has been working on his back with a rehab physiotherapist…there’s a marked change in him.
He’s clearly feeling a lot more human again now, which is fabulous! He felt so much better he volunteered to paint the dining room so, yes I am delighted with his progress. :)
There was nothing wrong with the dining room to start with, we just fancied a bit of a change.
Like I said, the before was fine as it was, but…
…but the after is spectacular!
All finished off with some new season accessories.
It gave us something to do on a free weekend.
I say us, I just provided tea and sandwiches and a critique of the cutting in! Hahahahaha
I have been keeping a close eye on output. It has slowed a bit and I get very nervous then. I do not want to end up with constipation again. It was so bad in early summer I ended up with a water infection.
The good weather does mean dresses are still very wearable. And dresses means free flow of output.
I have been working on stock piling autumn/winter dresses too.
Dresses give me a sense of well being and peace of mind.
Dress from Oliver Bonus, New Boots from Tod’s
I love this dress and I’m so happy that it still fits for this winter even though I’ve gained all my lockdown podgey-ness. Hahahahaha
Do I worry about my weight? No. Should anyone else worry about my weight, also no. As long as my clothes look good still, I’m doing ok.
The way I see it, I’ve been skeletal thin before but not anything like as healthy as I am now. I cycle hundreds of miles a month. My heart is wayyyyyy healthier than it’s ever been.
Exercise is equally important as diet. I didn’t know how important exercise was until I read The Bowel Cancer Recovery Toolkit, by Sarah Russell.
It doesn’t mean it’s ok to eat junk and go for a run or ride. It just means thinness is no indicator of good health.
Balance and joy are all very important. I think being joyful is the key to success.
I feel very blessed that I naturally feel joy and gratitude in bucket loads.
On Monday morning this week I had a brief but wonderful catch up with an old classmate. I say old, and I mean old! Hahahahaha. We hadn’t seen each other in about 33 years!
It was so lovely to see him. We laughed at our school days. He was very naughty at school. I was so well behaved - I made myself invisible. We both as it turns out had undetected learning difficulties. We’re both dyslexic. Funny how that little bit of wrong wiring can affect you, and your sense of self.
I wanted to be invisible because I didn’t want to be deemed thick, I knew I wasn’t, but my grades didn’t reflect that.
He’s a smart cookie too, but his grades didn’t reflect that either. He didn’t mind being seen, he was always in trouble.
I have to be honest I admired him back then for his attitude, (I desperately wanted to be naughty too, but was too scared) and I admire him now for the success he has become.
So just to be clear, dyslexia is no indicator of intelligence or ability to succeed in the real world. It’s just a right pain in the arse through school.
Having not seen him in 33 years I wanted to look my best. Not for anyone’s benefit but mine you understand. I don’t think anyone but ourselves really cares what we look like. I believe that is a very internal conversation.
For reasons that I can’t explain I decided to wear jeans. Now jeans can be tricky. They can be fine, but they can have their downsides.
Mainly because my bag has leaked more in jeans than any other item of clothing. So choosing to wear them to meet a classmate I haven’t seen in 33 years is a bold move.
But the way I see it, if it leaks it leaks. I’d change my bag and move on. Do I want to deal with a leak? Noooooo!
I’d be very embarrassed, but am I prepared to live in fear?(like I did through my entire school career, albeit it’s a different fear now. Back then I was scared of being looked down on for being “thick” (let’s face it, some people do look down on others because of their deemed intelligence. I know they do, I lived it) and now I have to contend with the fear of being smelly.) NO.
No more living in fear.
I wasn’t then and still not now - thick, I learned that throughout my adult life, I proved that by writing a blog that’s been read over a hundred thousand times, that’s brought comfort to those in similar situations and positivity to anyone that chooses to read them.
And if I have a bag leak ‘I’m’ not smelly. Me, Suzanne. The leak might smell, but it’s temporary.
I can guarantee you, people without stomas smell too. They just get to do it at a time of their choosing for the most part. ;)
There is no reason to ever need or want to be invisible just because I happen to poo in a bag attached to my tummy. I am enough. I am whole. I am perfectly imperfect and at peace with it.
So I rock up, feeling fabulous in my skinny jeans. And thankfully no leaks today!
Top from Phase Eight, Jeans from Topshop, Shoes from Manolo Blahnik
Moral of the story, feel the fear and do it anyway!
xx
Remember I said I no longer wanted the hassle of going to a salon every 5 weeks to get my roots done. I also wasn’t in anyway bothered by my 8 grey hairs…I really feel I earned every one of them!
Well, last week my hairdresser did suggest a few micro highlights to blend the line of rootage in.
This way I don’t have such a severe line, and they will only need topping up every 10-11 weeks or so.
So this week I went for it. I’m very happy with the results.
I love my hairdresser, she’s the best! Thank you Jess.
Proof that thinner isn’t always better or healthier.
Above is me about 12 years ago. I was very ill with undiagnosed cancer.
(I was told it was IBS and piles). I was living in constant fear of shitting myself and in considerable amount of pain.
But people would often say oh my god you look so good, have you lost weight?
This is me now, she’s bigger, she’s bolder and by God she’s happier!
