I received some really lovely emails last week, so thank you for those. They really make my day.
I did get a question about whether I knew or minded that my bag showed in one particular dress.
I’ve got to be honest, I didn’t actually notice at the time. And once pointed out I didn’t particularly mind.
Which probably sounds weird because I talk incessantly about smoothing the lines of my bag and doing all that I can to camouflage or conceal it.
I think it’s fair to say I’m a complex character. ;)
I spend an awful lot of time finding ways to make sure my bag doesn’t show. But I’m also very happy and comfortable to walk round in a bikini where the bag couldn’t be any more on show if it tried.
I totally understand if this is confusing. I can’t really explain why I have two very opposite desires.
All I can compare it to is a visible panty line, the classic VPL.
When I’m dressed and ready to go out and about my preference would be that my bag and my underwear don’t show.
It’s really not about embarrassment or shame, because I’m very happy with my bag life.
I imagine if I were younger (a lot younger mind) I’d be happy to wear crop tops, and my bag be on show.
I would usually wear a slip under this dress to smooth it out, but I forgot to take one with me.
Me in Vegas April 2018.
It’s not something that bothers me as such. I just like to present my best self to the world. And for me, whilst fully dressed, I don’t want the bag to show.
It’s just a preference rather than shame, fear or embarrassment. Mainly because I feel none of those things (caveat to that is when it makes loud and unannounced fart noises, at that point I want the world to swallow me whole). :)
I wouldn’t buy an outfit that the bag shows through, you know in the olden days when we could try things on in shops (in February), unless I felt I could easily camouflage it with a slip underneath or something.
But equally I’m not bothered that my bag was visible in that dress on a night out. Firstly if anyone in real life (rather than noticing it in a photo) could actually see it and stared at it, that’s really a them problem not a me problem. I think they have more to worry about than I do.
Honestly, when I’m in a bikini with my bag on show people don’t usually take that much notice and I don’t take much notice of other people. Most people if they do see it, give it a glance and do a “wonder what that is face? And then move on.
I’ve only had one occasion I felt very uncomfortable and that was in Spain, where a family were quite clearly videoing me. An elderly-ish father and his 30 something daughter video taping me for reasons unknown. It was very odd. I thought I was just being paranoid but Chris confirmed my suspicions. It was most peculiar. The only thing we could think of is they knew someone with a bag that isn’t living life to the full and they wanted to show them they could, well I hope it was that, (and not something a bit dark and sinister).
In general no one really stares, and to be honest no one really cares. Everyone is just trying to make their way through life. I doubt very much people have got the energy or inclination to care too much about some bikini-ed old lady on the beach with a colostomy.
If you did want to wear a bikini but feel self conscious or scared I can almost guarantee no one will take a blind bit of notice. So if you really want a more all over tan but you’re letting your bag or anything else for that matter hold you back stop it! Stop it right now! Be bold. Be you. xx
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We’re in new territory since we got back from our holiday. We’re in Tier Two in Essex and London (Covid restrictions).
I haven’t bothered to look at what the fine print says because I have no intention of doing anything different to what I have been doing anyway.
I will venture out when I feel the risk/benefit ratio is worth it. That’s all I’ve been doing since March. I’m not really concerned what the rules are.
My preferred method of getting through this is ‘I don’t want to catch it, and I certainly don’t want to spread it’. Simple as that.
It mostly just involves going to out to dinner, where I feel comfortable and safe (the restaurants we’ve been to have been incredible. The safety measures in place are fantastic. The hospitality sector has spent over 900 million on safety precautions. I really feel very sorry for them. The Wolsey restaurant chain (they have 9 restaurants under their umbrella) stated they have been open since July, served thousands of people and have had 0!! ZERO covid cases linked to any of their restaurants.
So yes, I do go out regularly. But I pick what I feel I’m comfortable with. I don’t go into supermarkets or other shops (that said I did go on Thursday last week as it was a cake making emergency) preferring instead to shop online, mainly because it’s easier.
I don’t go round peoples houses. I never ever want to be linked to anyone getting the bug from me, I just don’t want to have to live with it should something go wrong. I know the chances of that are incredibly low. But I feel more comfortable not taking chances.
I watched Bake Off the other day and one of the ladies said she was making Gypsy Tart, well I had never heard of it but a quick Google I felt it looked delicious and so easy an idiot could make it...probably true, just not this idiot! Hahahah.
So there’s me doing the fastest run round a shop ever, people must have thought I was on Supermarket Sweep or something just to make what turned out to be disgusting. Hahahahaha.
I bought my ingredients for said tart and while I was there I picked up a cake and bits for my dad’s birthday, so it wasn’t a total waste of time.
(I’m dressing for comfort this year. I’ve gained weight in lockdown, which is fine, the world is going through a difficult time, so eating my feelings is perfectly acceptable, and more importantly it’s no one’s concern but mine and I’m not concerned. A great piece of advice I heard many years ago was from a plump lady, when she said “what goes in me is none of your business” How very true. :)
I’ve bought some larger leggings and jeans. Although I am struggling with the legs being too baggy because I’m buying them for waist comfort. Luckily I know a man that’s a whizz on a sewing machine so I should be able to get them taken in (please, and thank you Chris)).
Coat from Burberry, Shirt from Ralph Lauren, Leggings from Tesco, Shoes from Russell and Bromley.
Comfort and cosy is the new season…you thought it was autumn (fall) but no, it’s actually comfort and cosy season).
I collected my ingredients, and set about making this amazing new, delicious recipe…only to be very very disappointed.
And this is what it was meant to look like!!
Really I’m not sure why I was so upset, you can hardly tell the two apart!! Hahahahaha
What went wrong? I’m going to take a guess at EVERYTHING! Hahahahaha
I think you can see why I bought my dad’s birthday cake now. ;)
Saturday came and we were off out for dinner at Sketch in London again. On the way we decided to have a doorstep party at my mum and dad’s in aid of my dad’s 80th birthday.
Tier 2 means you can’t go in anyone’s houses (unless you are in a bubble with them or a politician that doesn’t feel like the rules apply to them).
So off we go for our front porch celebrations. Our party in a bag for the front garden. I brought wine, cheese & biscuits and of course a big old chocolate cake as he’s a big chocolate fan.
Dress from Topshop, Boots from Ralph Lauren, Tights from Heist.
Boots from Russell and Bromley, after deciding against the original choice.
He ran away, literally ran away from our chorus of singing. He so loves being in the spotlight. Hahahahaha.
In fairness he wouldn’t ever have been having a big party for his birthday, he doesn’t like going to parties let alone having one for himself, but we’d have definitely had them over for dinner, but that is not allowed in Tier 2.
My cleaner can come, my ironing lady can come, my masseuse can come, but my parents and children can’t. Insert eye roll here.
Wishing my dad a very happy 80th birthday!
Hope you enjoyed your ‘street party’. Hahahahaha
We then left them in peace and headed off to Sketch. We first went last month and absolutely loved it. It’s very cool and Instagrammable but it also has substance to back it up.
Small world that it is, we know the Director of the Gallery room in Sketch (the top front of house man) from a restaurant we used to go to regularly in Chelmsford, he was the maitre d at ChopBloc 6 years ago. It was such a surprise to see him, great to have a catch up with him after such a long time, and nice to know someone that can get us a good table. ;)
Again the food was incredible…mine was anyway, Chris’s choice nearly made me faint. :)
Chris’s starter; Oysters (not for me to start with I’m afraid) with frozen banana and broccoli ice cream… I’m not kidding!! Seriously what the ****?! Hahahahaha
Don’t be put off by that (or maybe you’re enticed, to each their own) the other food is perfectly normal and delicious.
A perfectly lovely beetroot starter…
A beautiful chicken dinner…
And what is essentially a trifle for pudding. Nothing scary, nothing weird for me thanks very much. Hahahahaha
The only other thing I find completely mind blowing (other than my husband’s dubious choice of starter, which he said was delicious by the way) is the bar that sits under the toilet area.
You see the dome on the floor beside me, well that’s the roof of a bar, and you see the egg shaped pods behind me, well they are the toilets…
…it freaks me out completely. Mainly because I’m a germaphobe so sitting drinking doesn’t marry up with being near any toilets. Also, what if I went and changed my bag in one of those said pods. Knowing how the smell seeps downstairs when I change my bag in my bathroom at home, just imagine me doing it there and stinking the bar out. It’s so very odd.
I prefer the bar front of house. Much nicer for my liking.
We had such a great night. In Tier 2, people from other households can’t mix. It’s completely, utterly banned, it is forbidden! But also under Tier 2 rules you Can mix households if it’s a business lunch or dinner.
I’ve had many emails from London restaurants stating very clearly that under the current rules business meeting meals are allowed…so come along and have your meetings with us.
I feel very lucky that Chris’s job does involve business meals out, or it did up until March, as it turns out we can carry on as normal if we do choose to. Again, insert eye roll here.
Chris and I had a free Sunday as some plans got changed at the last minute. So with a bit of quick thinking we booked into one of our favourite little locals for a Sunday roast, we very much enjoy a cooked breakfast or roast at St. Ann’s castle in Great Leighs. Bloody lovely and a very reasonable price too!
Then back home for Chris to get on with a couple of chores and then a Sunday afternoon film, with full tummies and a duvet. We watched the new Secret Garden film, it’s very beautiful and as I’ve never seen it or read the book before I thought it was brilliant.
Shirt from Karl Lagerfeld, Leggings from River Island, Boots from Tory Burch.
I bought this pair of leggings online the other day. They are too baggy on the leg but feel lovely round my tummy/stoma area. So baggy legs it is then! ;)
The tights I wore for Sketch are also new. I ordered them the other day thinking they were these indestructible ones I’d seen advertised. I had concerns that I wouldn’t be able to cut the hole that I always do in tights for my bag to poke through. But when I cut into them it was like a hot knife through butter, which seemed very odd for supposedly indestructible tights.
Well long story short - that’s not a claim Heist make, so god knows where I saw that. But these tights are incredibly comfortable. The tummy panel is very comfortable. Plus I was able to go down to a 30 denier as the tummy panel was very robust. I was able to cut it without any ladders…so maybe they are a bit indestructible after all. ;)
Usually I can’t get away with anything less than a 60 denier before they start to fray and ladder. It was nice to have thinner tights on.
I will be selling the ox blood dress on EBay once I wash it.
I bought it. Tried it on - and loved it, wore it for my night out - and hated it. Excellent!! I’m going to have to insert another eye roll. Hahahahaha
Chris finished off Zak’s toy cupboard for me, he now has a little library of important people, designed for young readers.
I’m so pleased with it…of course he can’t come and see it because, yes, the dreaded Tier 2 restrictions. But as he can’t read yet I’ve no need to worry too much just yet. :)