I had a weird morning on Monday last week. I woke up to see notifications on my insta. I always look forward to seeing them (yes, sad isn’t it but I’ve always encountered such nice comments and enjoyed interacting with lovely people). Anyway my joy very quickly turned to shock, horror, dismay, disgust and the feelings just kept coming.
I’m still struggling with it to be honest. I feel emotionally scarred. I had the dilemma of do I stay quiet in this space of distress or do I just spill the lot?
It’s been a hard decision to make, but I needed to get rid of it from my mind, off my chest and just away from me.
So here goes, I’m so sorry if it’s too much for you, believe me, I totally understand, it was far more than I ever imagined I’d ever have to deal with.
Last week, out there for all to see someone had written messages on 2 of my posts.
I just couldn’t write my blog after it. Seriously I was struck mute by the invasion of my happy space in the world of social media. Many a time I’ve had a fella and even the occasional woman hitting on me, private messaging me, I’ve always assumed they’ve been joking so don’t go thinking that I think I’m the bees knees or anything, I’m pretty sure everyone these days gets DMs. Besides it’s not something that interests me so I have never thought anything of it....thanks and all but no thanks. But this was very different this hit me like a freight train.
Some freak liked some of my photos and left comments on my photos.
I had a closer look at the comments as they confused me greatly. Then I looked further into their account as the comments were so weird, instantly my hackles went up, and I went into immediate fight or flight mode.
It would appear that they are into “scat play”. Don’t read the next bit if you are of a bit squeamish or have sensitive nature (or as I would call you - “normal”).
*Warning - graphic content
(Scat play; A slang term for "coprophilia, fecophilia, fecalphiliaor coprolagnia". It is a paraphilia involving sexual pleasure through human feces, or rather to its excretion).*
Obviously I had been targeted by this weirdo, because of my efforts to bring comfort, information and education about the world of living with a colostomy. The whole reason I do write my blog is to normalise a life that can be seen to the uninformed eye as gross and undesirable when in fact my life is wonderful.
I do indeed lead a lovely little life.
All my hard work felt like it was for nothing in that moment, it actually pained me. It pulled the rug from under my feet and the world didn’t seem the happy place it once was, it felt dark and dirty.
Of course I want people to be comfortable to talk bowels and poo and stomas but I’m very upset that my efforts to get the positive message about colostomies has been warped.
What I never intended was people being so comfortable they envisage themselves rolling in my poo thanks very much!
I’m not a prude by any means, but seriously that is beyond the realm of what I class as normal Oh no, no no no no no NO!
I feel repulsed, violated, nauseated. I don’t want to even know about stuff like that, everyone should do what they want in the confines of their own home/relationship etc, but don’t bring it to my door, invading my space.
It’s lovely when someone says you look nice, I like a compliment as much as the next person, in fact a young lady the other day wrote to me and said I look “hot”, which is laughable but very sweet.
I’m thinking as a 46 year old grandma my “hot” days are long gone, I’m happy to settle for “you look good” these days.
But the objectifying of my colostomy bags contents?! Oh come on now! Behave!
I know it’s their problem not mine. But it’s a horrible thought to think someone, and let’s face it, it’s proper weird, so it is probably only one person thinking of me in that way.
It took me a fair few days to venture back on to my Instagram with a photo of me.
But I feel bolder now, I’ve had time to process it. I’ve talked it through with many people.
I know it’s nothing to do with what I’m trying to do.
All I want to do is show you can look good, dress well and live the happily ever after you deserve with a colostomy or any sort of stoma.
Now, having given you an explanation as to why I didn’t write last week, let’s move on to happier times and just pray to god it doesn’t happen again.
I’m done if it does to be honest.
We’ve got a super busy summer coming up. My husband’s job requires him and I to take clients out for nice meals and fun days (just to clarify, he’s in construction not a gigalo...I feel I have to second guess everything now!).
But last Wednesday we got to have a meal out with friends. We’ve been trying to get together since Christmas and it’s been an absolute nightmare with finding a date.
We were off to Grain in Colchester, it’s a great restaurant, I really like it there. It was only my second time there but you really get a good feel of the place.
It’s good honest food, delicious food actually and to be there with our friends was a great treat.
I wanted to wear something comfortable to eat in. I bought this skirt from Silk Fred as I was so delighted with the black and white one I bought recently.
You don’t need to be all dolled up at Grain but I like to make an effort where ever I go.
It’s not the sort of skirt one would wear to hide in the shadows or blend in is it? Well think again!!
You may have thought that it was animal print, but as I discovered on leaving my home it’s actually perfect camouflage for gravel! Not sure gravel print is on anybody’s wish list but here it is anyway!
A quick hop onto the grass and I felt back to my normal complete self again!
It’s like the skirt equivalent of Harry Potters cape! Hahahahaha
Top from Marks and Spencer, Skirt from Silk Fred, Boots from Russell and Bromley (Boots in June!?!).
On a rainy June night we headed off to meet Jasper and Di and had a blast. I’ve got to be honest skirts and dresses are the best clothes for eating out in.
If I never give any advice again skirts are the way forward for food.
Thursday we had a quiet night in, I was in my PJs by six! Hahahahaha
Then Friday we had a big night out. We headed into London to take clients for a meal at Clos Maggiore...don’t ask me how to say it, I asked the waiter on a number of occasions and I still couldn’t get it.
What I do know is it’s an exceptional restaurant and was voted most romantic dining in the world...probably more romantic if you are a table of two rather than the 4 of us but it was a cracking night and I’m really glad I’ve been.
Anyway we arrived early as the traffic wasn’t too bad so we had cocktails in the foyer which was very pleasant.
The weather here is filthy at the moment, all I really wanted to do Friday is curl up on the settee in a cosy track suit and slob out.
My outfit was chosen with that in mind. This dress is chiffon, so for modesty’s sake it comes with an under dress. But I decided to scrap that as I was chilly. I added a camisole and leggings under it instead.
Dress from Mint Velvet, Cami and leggings from M&S, Shoes from Jimmy Choo and Bag from Aspinal.
I really felt cosy and comfortable and more importantly I felt confident.
Oooooh, the comfort of trackies hidden under a beautiful dress! Genius even if I do say so myself. ;)
I do believe that Clos Maggiore is my new favourite restaurant, the food was out of this world! We will be going back. Although there is a rather long waiting list for the conservatory, the pinnacle of romance that can be had there, I’d say the wait would be worth it.
After a wonderful night with great company it was back in the car for a snooze on the way home.
Saturday continued in the same vein as the rest of the week’s weather - rotten with a chance of rain, rain and rain, we were off to Chelmsford city race course. It’s a fun day out but Royal Ascot it ain’t! Hahahahaha
We met, Kim, Matt and Matt’s older children for Matt’s birthday treat.
I find there are simple rules for dressing for me personally (no one has to follow anyone else’s rules, I don’t know everything, or anything come to that, my rules could be way off, dress how you want) but for me personally I find it important to;
a, dress for the body I have not the body I want.
b, dress for the occasion and
c, dress for the weather.
When I apply these rules I don’t tend to go wrong.
Blazer from Jack Wills, Top from Tory Burch, Jeans from Topshop, Bag from Aspinal, Boots from Penelope Chilvers (a fave of the Duchess of Cambridge). I used this bag as I couldn’t be bothered to go upstairs and find a different one and as I had used this one the night before I thought it would do.
There was no point in me going all dolled up as we were in the public bar area rather than hospitality, this brings with it a more casual dress code. It was pouring down and pretty chilly when the sun went in so dressing warmly was ideal.
That said at one point the sun did peek through and I was cold and hot all at once, which is a peculiar sensation.
It was a great day. I won £20, I’m the last of the big spenders. My total outlay was £5. Hahahahaha.
As addicted as I get to a lot of things, gambling has never been one of them. ;) If only I could have the same feelings towards food as I do a flutter on the Gee Gee’s.
Then Sunday, We went out for the day to...god, I can’t remember what it’s called again. I’ve struggled with it all week, inventing names for it because it just won’t stick...bit of a time lapse here as I dash off to go find the bloody name of it yet again!
Found it! Fully Charged Live!
As you can see it’s not something that’s of interest to me but it is hub’s bread and butter of sorts so one tries to enthuse.
Besides he’d promised me a trip to Bicester village for a bit of high end discount retail therapy after, so as much as I’m not that into electric vehicles and the charging there of I do love shops. Hahahahaha
It’s bit of a trek to Silverstone, and then on to Bicester, I couldn’t face wearing jeans or even trousers. I got away with it the day before for the races but the tightness had slowed down my output and it just didn’t seem worth upsetting my whole system for the sake of wearing skinny jeans for a second day running.
A dress and trainers fit the bill perfectly.
Dress from Zara, Trainers from LV, Bag from Goyard.
I went to Bicester with certain shopping in mind and I was really quite pleased with myself for sticking to it. ;)
I think I’m pretty much ready for the up coming seasons events. Bring it on! But could we also bring on the sunshine too please.
In the mean time my week has been brightened by winning the quiz night at our local pub last night.
I’d also like to thank George and Kaitlyn amongst others for encouraging me to write my blogs and to keep writing my tales even though I felt discouraged.
The Young always have something to teach the old.
Thank you to Maria and Kim and everyone I talked it through with. xx
Funny how life just resets itself.
I was contacted by a really lovely lady from far away on Instagram. Across all those miles she made a huge difference. She reaffirmed why I do what I do.
Obviously I’m saddened someone is going through a rotten time. I am however glad she connected with me and I could feel I could help, passing on some advice from when I was going through treatment.